SPEAKER_00: 0:08

Hey bookish baddies, welcome to Black Girls Lit.

SPEAKER_03: 0:14

Where fine women, fine literature, and fine libations collide.

SPEAKER_02: 0:22

Step into the lit life. Black Girls Lit starts now. Hey guys, welcome to Black Girls Lit Podcast. I am Nicole to my right. I'm Les. And I'm sorry. And I'm Natasha. Welcome guys. So tell us about our book. Uh Alexa, we got going today.

SPEAKER_00: 0:42

Yeah, so today we're gonna be covering Mel Robbins Let Them. But before we get into the book, we do do alcohol pairings with all of our books, as you heard before. So today the alcohol pairing or the alcohol of the day is vodka. But we'll be doing a cocktail that we'll be featuring, our Black Girls Lit cocktail, to be exact. Today it is a cucumber cooler, ladies. It is made with one of our featured vodkas for this episode, Chopin, with some tonic water, cucumber, lemon, and mint. So it should be refreshing. Should we cheers? Yes. It's cheers. Cheers, right? Cheers.

SPEAKER_03: 1:28

Some of us really only came for the drinks. Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:38

Give me spa summertime. Just a little bit. Right. So guys, uh Let Them is a book by Mel Robbins. Mel Robbins is a TED talk speaker that became really famous for her five-second rule. Have y'all heard about the five-second rule? Yes. Yes, you have. What have you heard about it?

SPEAKER_03: 2:00

Where I think it's when you're gonna make a decision about something, like Situation comes up and you pause at that moment, count to five, and then make the decision or something like that. You give yourself just a moment so that way you don't um, it's the whole, you don't to avoid regret things. So you actually like think through things a little bit.

SPEAKER_02: 2:19

So that's the biggest thing about Mel is that all of her self-help books are about practical steps to actually do the work. Instead of just saying, You're supposed to do this and be this person. She's like, here's the practical steps of how you can do that. Five-second rule. Boom. Get up. So let them has now become one of those super popular principles that she's promoting or writing about.

SPEAKER_03: 2:40

Okay. Okay, so off-real, we're gonna talk about how how do we feel about this book, ladies. Now y'all know we have our rating system. Here we're gonna either give it a cheers, meaning yes, we love it. Um we're gonna either sip it, meaning, you know, it was okay. Think maybe three stars. Or it's gonna be um babysit, you know, you're gonna get through it. You don't really love it, but you're gonna get through it. Or send it back. And we you know that means send it back. We don't like it. So um this one I I'm gonna say cheers. I would say I I got a lot out of it. I'm gonna I'm gonna give it cheers. Huh?

unknown: 3:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_03: 3:14

I'm gonna give it a cheers as well. Um I'm down for that one.

SPEAKER_00: 3:18

I think I'm gonna give it a sip. Um, this was my first ever self-help book. I will say that. So that's not my genre of choice, usually, y'all. But I did learn a lot from the book. Um, but I don't think still self-help is my genre. But Mel Robbins, Pastor Mel, as I called her throughout the entirety of the book, I really did think that she taught some good things for people to think about. So I'm gonna sit to this one.

SPEAKER_04: 3:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_01: 3:45

I I'm kind of on the same page with um with you, Lex. My my favorite genre, I I think I'm babysitting this one for sure. You know, life and its experiences. I don't want to, you know, be too too down on it, but when you live a little bit of life, you you kinda know some things. So I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna babysit. But you know, good, good, there's good stuff. There's good stuff in there for sure. But I'm babysitting.

SPEAKER_03: 4:14

I love self-helping. I'm gonna tell me all the stuff. Like I just I I really think I like I said, I've lived enough life that I feel like I know what I'm doing. Um, or at least I can fake it like I know what I'm doing. But I think for me, I like that it comes with like the practical steps. So if I can really like put into play, and I do think that she is like just super like real and relatable. So even when compared to other self-help, now I mean I'm always gonna be, I prefer fiction just because I like to, you know, get lost in a different world. But in if I think about it compared to other like self-help, other stuff in the genre, that's why for me I was like, oh yeah, I can get down with this one. It didn't feel so much like you know, someone's like preaching at you, or you know, or giving you like unrealistic stuff, like, oh, just wake up every day and write affirmations. Right, right, right. It felt like a little bit more real to me. So I think that's why it sort of bothered me, but she didn't have a lot of real.

SPEAKER_02: 5:09

She said silk, and she said he said like. I'm sorry. Okay, she had some good flights in there. When you first heard the phrase let them, what did it bring up in you? Like, what does that phrase in itself mean to you?

SPEAKER_01: 5:27

Very literal for me. Let let people, whatever they're gonna do, let them do it. I I just I mean, in the big scheme of things, I there's just so many things going on in life to be concerned about what other people have going on, like, and you can only control yourself, you can't control other people, right?

SPEAKER_03: 5:44

And I think like that's the thing. Everybody's oh, just let them, just whatever, you know, it's whatever. But I think really, which I guess that's probably what I think of too when somebody says, let them, I'll just let people just be them. Let them do whatever they're gonna do. But if you read it, you do realize that it it goes a little bit deeper than that. But yeah, initially that was my thought, just I'll just let them. Let people be them.

SPEAKER_02: 6:07

Let them. Okay, so exactly what she meant. Um, was there anything within the first 25 pages of reading the book that you were like, oh done, this this is standing out to me? I know she started off with a story of her uh son doing a last-minute prom thing, and uh she just feeling like really stressed out by the plan in itself instead of just relaxing and being like, if that's how he wants it, if it's raining outside and that's what they want to do, just let them. Was there anything that stood out to you within those first couple pages?

SPEAKER_00: 6:39

I think a lot stood out to me in those first couple of pages because I really did truly feel like she was talking to me at one point in the book. Because I am one of those people, you know, I especially if I plan something. So I too would be a little, a little uh stressed if my child is having this experience and I want it to be perfect for him. I I too would probably crash out just a tad. Um, so but that's all coming from a loving place, is her being, you know, his mother and wanting him to have a good time. But I relate it to that because I'm the same way. Um, especially when it comes to something that I'm planning or looking forward to. Like I want everyone to enjoy it, I want everybody to have the ideal experience. Um, but in that book I learned everyone's ideal experience. Lex's ideal.

SPEAKER_03: 7:34

You want them to have the experience that you of a lot of people. And you want them to have the response that you expect for them.

SPEAKER_00: 7:41

And I guess they can relate to the Mel said cut that shit out. It really doesn't matter as long as we're all here and experiencing it together. So she got me together.

SPEAKER_03: 7:54

All right, all right, ladies, before we get a little bit deeper, hold on now. You know, we gotta we gotta get them our feel on this right here, right? That's where we're doing next.

SPEAKER_02: 8:01

We do gotta get a feel on this.

SPEAKER_03: 8:03

The first pairing we have is Tito's with the hot Cheetos. Um, okay, what did you say it was called again?

SPEAKER_02: 8:09

Uh the spice on the block.

SPEAKER_03: 8:11

The spice on the block. Okay.

unknown: 8:14

Cheers.

SPEAKER_03: 8:22

Okay. The Tito's is Cheetos. I mean, you know. It's Cheetos. It's Tito's.

SPEAKER_02: 8:30

I guess I should be. We weren't supposed to drink the whole thing. Let me tell you. She's a lunch, y'all. Let them lunch. This uh let me know. What would you do, sweetheart? Hot Cheetos is supposed to be old, unapologetic. Miss Dad. And a little nostalgia. Nostalgic. Sorry. It's giving nostalgia from back in the day when you didn't know what to what to drink.

SPEAKER_01: 8:53

So you just that's the nostalgia.

SPEAKER_02: 8:57

I feel like these are uncles like on the corner, about to fry some fish eventually, mixing it up with a little. I don't know, but it says according to this, it says this combo hits like Friday nights on a stoop. Something's always cooking in the air, streetwise with a smile. I can say that. The way Chat GPT.

SPEAKER_01: 9:22

The opinions everywhere. I like the hot the hot Cheetos are actually toning it down. I'm not telling you.

SPEAKER_03: 9:32

So Chat GPT is like is it's giving Crooklin?

SPEAKER_01: 9:35

Well, that's what I heard.

SPEAKER_02: 9:37

Absolutely. You should feel a splash of uh Missy Elliott, a little bit of uh scissor, hit different. Hit different. Oh wow. I don't feel none of that. Right now, you're not feeling none of that?

SPEAKER_03: 9:48

It's hitting, but it's not alone. Honest opinion is giving Tito's and Cha Cheetos. That's what it is.

SPEAKER_02: 9:59

It's giving Tito's and Hot Cheetos. It's corn base. So you saw how they they put that together and then it's made in Texas. Yeah. Austin, Texas. So giving Tetra. Just y'all want to know. But as hard as that hit, are there any heavy things in life that you had uh problems letting go of? Because let them was telling you about family relationships and relationships in general where you're trying to like control the narrative a little bit or control how somebody reacts or acts. Where there are there any situations for yourself that you feel like are heavy?

SPEAKER_03: 10:31

I think for me, the I like I I want to put the let them theory in place because I'm like, it definitely makes sense and I love it. But I will say, speaking from like the the mom point of view, that's like the hardest one. So I mean I I have kids, but they're all grown now, officially at three grown kids, my last one about to graduate. Um and watching your kids and trying to like guide them through the early phases of like early adulthood, it is like a whole I it's a whole situation. And trying to be and trying to like let them sometimes, it's like it's a whole it's trying because you just want so badly for them to go the path that you know is gonna be the easier path. Like, hey, I already learned these life lessons. I just could you please learn from what I have already gone through. Let me just tell you, let me give you the whole guidebook and just do it like this. But then some point you do have to step back and be like, okay, let them, and but watching somebody do what you feel like is maybe bad choice, like what you feel like maybe bad choices is so hard, especially when it's somebody you love, you know. And I think I could see I have like, you know, friends going through, like they have um, you know, where it's like, you know, parents who are getting older and they're trying to, you know, um, have a friend like whose parent has um cancer and things like that, you know, you're trying to like help them make decisions, but also respect the fact that they're adults and it's like all kinds of stuff like that. It's just in those situations, I think that's when it's hardest to just let them because you're like, but but but but I want you to, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 12:09

But if they don't want to, I can kind of just like kind of piggybacking on that same thing with um my son, like he's a new adult, we'll say. Um, you know, just recently turned 21, and it's the same thing where it's like I had to get to a point where you know what? I've raised him, I poured in what I needed to pour in. Um, and it really got to a point where I said, you know what? I have to trust God and let God have it. You know, I pray for him, I he keeps he stays covered in prayer. I pray for him, my mom prays for him. And at this point I tell him, listen, here, I don't have no bail money, and I'm about to go to sleep. So be responsible, make good decisions, good night. And I sleep well at night, you know. Um, because you know, it just gets to a point where you do have to trust, it's still hard, right, to watch them make the bad decision. And I think for me, it got to a point where I said, if he listens to me enough, he's gonna hit the wall. We all hit the wall, right? We all hit the brick wall. But if he listens enough, he'll hit the brick wall go like 20 miles per hour instead of a hundred. You know what I mean? Okay, and there's I got some peace in that. So yeah. I know right, I like this.

SPEAKER_02: 13:30

Now, Lex, you called you called her pastor. Bishop.

SPEAKER_00: 13:37

Bishop, if you will.

SPEAKER_02: 13:39

Help me understand what was it about male that was uh bringing that for you.

SPEAKER_00: 13:46

Yeah, I think there was a part in the book where she was talking about friendships, um, and how there are different stages of friendship, and how there's this thing that happens when you're in your like mid-20s where everybody in that same age group as you, who may be your close friends at the time, are going through very transitional periods of their life, and so that affects how the friendship could look over time. And I think that is exactly the period of life that I'm in right now, being 28. Um, where I think a lot of my friends, we've just graduated, are thinking about going back to school, getting married, having kids, introducing, having a new life partner, all of those big things that change how a person's life looks and can change how the relationship looks is happening. And she just kind of talked about how that's natural and that's what you know, that's what growing up looks like, and just being able to adapt with those changes. And it's not something that I think I've struggled with, but it's definitely something that through that book I was able to put language to how I was feeling. And being validated in that way, I think that is powerful when an author is able to do that, and so that's one of those moments where I was like, ah, and that doesn't stop, that doesn't end, like that is a continuous part, I think, of life.

SPEAKER_01: 15:13

Scattering. Yeah, because there's that, you know, there's that pattern and that cycle and that stage, but it it never stops.

SPEAKER_02: 15:20

I think the crazy thing is, I guess in life, you they put you in such a system that you're all growing up together, like she was saying, you go through middle school and elementary school and high school with people, and you have like the system of how everything works, and then all of a sudden you hit adulthood and it's no longer those already predetermined groups of people for you. You know, it's like it's not a high school we're going to, it's like you gotta now figure out how to. You gotta try. If that's your friend for real.

SPEAKER_03: 15:45

Right.

SPEAKER_02: 15:46

Yes, it's the effort.

SPEAKER_03: 15:47

Like, yeah, we can schedule a date for real, for real. Like, what's your for real? What's your availability? Right, like let's look at the calendar. Because we're not in the same science class. If I tell you how we're gonna get together, we are never getting together unless we put it on this calendar right now. Because I am good, I'm good for great, we gotta get together. We're gonna get together soon. It's not a calendar later. I am lying to you. I am never going to, we are never having drinks together unless you saw me put it on my calendar. Never.

SPEAKER_00: 16:20

And that's a transition. That's a huge transition. Um, when you didn't have to used to do that with your close friends, and now all of a sudden it's like, oh shit, I'm confined to my calendar. Wait, next month? No, that's not gonna work.

SPEAKER_02: 16:34

I gotta work at this time, you gotta work at that time. It's it's wild. Well, since we're talking about transitions, next transition is gonna be mint condition, aka uh girls thought we were talking about the 90s art mint. So the the next uh pairing that we have, we're nicknaming it mint condition because it's watermelon with mint as well. And we're pairing that with the with the Chopin, right? Chopin. Now I was calling this and chopin. Chopping and trapping. It was chopping. It was real exit.

SPEAKER_03: 17:11

It was real easy. We have called it a hundred different things at any given time, but the according to the Googles of It All, it's Chopin. So we're going with that, like the artist, right? Right. Right, right, right, right.

SPEAKER_02: 17:24

According to the Who of It All? The Googles. I love it. The Googles. So this is supposed to be light, elevated, and easy, like a breeze. Um, pretty much what you should be tasting is light floral notes. Oh, oh, she said being sanitary, y'all. Post-COVID, you know. Keep it clean. This should uh give you the vibe of a spa day meets rooftop lounge. Let's see. Love your little lounge. I don't get mint on my watermelon. Uh what you should be uh tasting here is Erica Badu. Little Janae. You know Cleo Soul. You should be feeling her a little bit, Tim's. So we'll see. We're gonna see if that's what I taste. Little Moon Child, you remember that from Brandy? Mmm.

SPEAKER_01: 18:13

That's when I stopped, listening. Sorry.

SPEAKER_02: 18:19

First of all, I like watermelon mint now. You know. Yeah, you can't. I like watermelon. This pairing is actually really good. This is good. Well, you know, the vodka, we love. I'm feeling the vodka is drinker for real.

SPEAKER_03: 18:36

The way the Chopin is smooth.

SPEAKER_02: 18:39

And then better than the Cheetah. Okay. So thinking about smooth, there was a portion of the book where um Mel was talking about wanting to have a social group. She saw her group of old friends. Um, not to give away too much craziness, but pretty much she saw some friends on Facebook, like somebody remembered, having the time of their life. And um she realized that she may need to create a group of people of her own. Um, how do you feel about that?

SPEAKER_03: 19:14

Because one of the suggestions she made was like, go into a coffee shop, sitting in, making new friends, sit out there and do that. Well, I thought that that that was a lot for me. Again, I'm not just going out and trying to just like make just trying to make friends um like that. But because I just feel like, which maybe if you're in a position like her, you know, she's a writer, so she it is very easy for her to be very solitary. You're in your house, you're doing your thing. That's a good evaluation. So maybe I guess if that was my situation, maybe I would have to, hey, find ways to actually go out and make friends. But I just feel like the the people you end up hanging out with spend a lot of time, they're people that's like in your in your proximity, sort of like has she at a dress over the people you work with. Hey, we hey, we get off work, I'm tired, you're tired, but let's go get a drink. Or we home. I mean um I I don't know I I couldn't see myself just I just I'm I'm just not going out to make friends.

SPEAKER_01: 20:14

Right now, yeah, absolutely not the extent to which he kept going. Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_02: 20:29

I don't really need a carbon or something like that. Yeah. I do put much of a chip. We just had a child out there. She definitely had an event yesterday that we went to. We were at a bar sitting, and she asked this girl if she could have some chips off of her plate.

SPEAKER_01: 20:44

I can't even like she got a whole new friend. A complete um event. Like she's sitting down at the bar with a whole new friend. Like it wasn't eight of us together having a whole experience.

SPEAKER_02: 20:59

It's like been like, hey, hey girl, who tell Natasha? Oh, she can come in and get some more of the other chips and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_03: 21:05

She had a whole chip and dip platter. It was one person with a whole chip and dip platter. I was just like, hey, not for nothing. Would you mind about one potato chip? Like I said, Miss not going to random places making new friends.

SPEAKER_01: 21:17

That's a lot of it.

SPEAKER_02: 21:19

So that this girl was like, you know what? She got introduced as a certain name. Let's say her name was uh what did she move? She was like, you know what? No, I prefer to be called Nikki. So if you could tell Natasha called me Nikki, I'm like, not on Nikki. So at this point, wait, so at this point, was she hitting her or what?

SPEAKER_01: 21:36

Right. That's a conversation more than that. We'll celebrate on that one. But uh yeah. I don't know what that's because I kind of I do agree, but seriously and honestly agree um with the proximity. I really truly in fact am not going to any random place and making friends with people. But I'm not doing that. I have gotten more, I have gotten more friendly. Okay. Now that I've gotten now that I've gotten older, I have gotten more friendly. Well, I will, you know, like I'll entertain a conversation or hey, how you doing, type of thing like that. But we're not gonna be besties after that.

SPEAKER_02: 22:18

Like what does friendship require for you now at this uh and are you open to first of all, are you wanting new friends and are you open to it?

SPEAKER_01: 22:29

I that's a good question. I'm not closed to new friendships and new relationships, but they definitely have to be intentional, you know what I mean, and some and have some purpose. Like I'm not just I don't need a whole bunch of random people taking up energy and space because I we've done that. I just feel like been there, done that. Okay, it's not a quality. The whole 20s, like they were they were a blur. There's a lot of people on blur.

SPEAKER_03: 23:04

So just like everything else at this point, you're like, you just it's quality. If it if a quality person pops in, hey, that's cool. But like I said, we I don't need a body, I don't need just a body just to be another body in my in my circle.

SPEAKER_01: 23:16

And I'm not opposed to getting, you know, like ending, you know, friendships or relationships that don't have any positive, and not necessarily to say that they what they don't have, but if it brings any negativity, like if it brings any negativity or drain or is draining in any way, I don't need that. And I'm completely okay with like letting letting them be that like I love you, no wish no harm, like no love lost, but the I can't, I just can't.

SPEAKER_03: 23:50

And that's the thing too. Everything that ends does not have to end badly. Sometimes it ran its course, it was it was over, and if it just turns out that we haven't spoken in two or three years, that's cool.

SPEAKER_04: 24:02

Right.

SPEAKER_03: 24:02

We had good times back then, like that was a good memory. But I but I saw you on Facebook and I realized we no longer have anything in common. Yeah. Yeah. I cannot even see myself being. Where are you at? Uh oh, that was good.

SPEAKER_02: 24:19

How do you feel about making new? You're just talking about you're now getting to this new part of life and where you're seeing the scattering. Yeah. How do you feel about the possibility of?

SPEAKER_00: 24:29

I mean, I think I think it's definitely a topic that's not talked about enough, which is I respected Mel for getting into it a little bit, is how do you make friends as an adult? Like, I don't think that's something, that's not something that anybody talks about. And so, like, for me, I'm from I'm not from Atlanta. I'm all the way from Utah. So moving all the way over here, leaving everything I knew. I had a little long-distance boyfriend, but he was long distance. And so it's like, how do you go from being in a place that you've been in for the last 23 years of your life, uprooting and going somewhere else where you don't know nobody? Nobody. Like, how do you make friends like that? And so I don't know. I think this book, again, it made me think a lot about what matters, um, but also the importance of like knowing yourself to know who you want to surround yourself, like who you want to be around. Um, so I don't know. I think it and I don't think it's something that I've that I've mastered um in any way. Like, I definitely don't like to be by myself, but you will not catch me going out to dinner alone. You will not like I'm not doing that. Maybe even I am not doing that. I will I will take my little order to go, go home and watch TV because it I don't like that giving me anxiety.

SPEAKER_01: 25:56

But here's the thing I I used to think that too, but you know what? The the phone, it helps. It does help, it helps me with that because I used to be like, oh, that's gonna be weird. Like, I like to talk to people over, you know, like over a meal or drinks or what have you. But the last probably couple months, I have gone out by myself because people say they're coming in and they don't show up, and I'm like, well, I'm not gonna sit in the house and be bored, like, you know, I'm still gonna go. And I just cut my little whatever show I've been watching here, or whatever movie I want to watch, I cut it on and put my one of my earbuds in and watch the show. And it's just like, you know, like you said, like being here at home watching TV. So it's pretty, it's cool.

SPEAKER_02: 26:38

I might, if I do it, I might do it at a bar. If I decide to sit at a table, I I probably won't have anything on, but I just like to watch people kind of like allows you to just have your own thoughts. And then people are super nice to you, of course. When you're alone, I get free drink. I get free drinks, I get extra shots, I get all types of people too!

SPEAKER_01: 26:57

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02: 26:59

We're just trying this, we got sent back to the bar. We just tried this out. You wanna try it? Yeah, why not? I don't know. I mean, what you mean by sent back? Like, did they breathe over it? Because I don't want it then, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_00: 27:09

Yeah, I would need to. I'm that girl, if I'm gonna go out alone, it needs to be like to an organized function. Like, oh, it's a community kickball. Y'all come out, and so it's like we're we're interacting, we're meeting, but Lex will never be never alone. Don't say never. Community beating so fast this day.

SPEAKER_03: 27:32

I don't even do it. I will say, there's can you make friends differently at different stages in life? So, of course, I mean, so at the age right now, I feel like, you know, it's mainly gonna be, you know, I said people that you work with, or you know, that you interact with somehow like on a daily basis, tickets will be working. Then you get to that stage where you start having kids, and now you gotta you gotta go to like the kids' events. And let me tell you, this is the key, the thing, you go to the events with the kids, because uh a lot of parents, you're not gonna like them, but these gotta be your favorite. So let's say this is what you gotta do. You gotta see, you you sit back a little bit, and you see who rolling their eyes as hard as you roll their eyes. If your eye rolling. Now, if you want them the people that's all in it, then you go look and you find the people that also look like they all in it too. But me, I'm gonna sit back and okay, who else right here rolling their eyes? Oh, Becky rolling her eyes. Let me let me ease my way over the bed. Me and Becky, I sit and I'll be like, and then you throw out like a little snarky comment, you know, and then Becky, when she laughed, you're like, okay. Now I got a friend, you know, and you just gotta find the people that sort of vibe. But I'm gonna tell you this thing, your kids, they don't have some friends, and a kid may be alright, but then they parents be like a little odd. You're like, look, we know. We cannot be having play dates over here. We just cannot. Just drop, drop him off, drop him off over here, it'll be fine. No, don't stay. You don't stay with him. No. Just drop him off and go. Okay, that'll be fine. That'll be fine. But that's why I was just telling it, I was just telling Alvin, I was like, you know, we Amaya is graduating. I said, we like are officially about to be at that place, but we do not have to be in places with other parents that we may or may not like. We just really we'll never be in that situation again.

SPEAKER_02: 29:08

Oh gosh, you'll be in other situations. You will. You will.

SPEAKER_03: 29:12

I gotta be doing other people's parents belong. I don't want to be a good idea.

SPEAKER_02: 29:16

I don't know. I mean, the only other parents should have is like if they get married. Yeah. That's next. That's next up.

SPEAKER_03: 29:22

I'll be cool in love. I feel like everybody's gonna like me. And if my kids pick like I tell them to pick, then we'll be alright. But you gotta let them. You gotta let them lie. They pick how you tell them to pick. They know their mama. They know their mama's gonna be who their mama's gonna be. So if I if I was them, I would pick while they know who they do.

SPEAKER_02: 29:48

Alright. Last pairing of the day. Yes. This one is gonna be nicknamed.

SPEAKER_03: 29:52

When you say pairing, I just hear shots, shots, shots.

SPEAKER_02: 29:55

See, that's the chance. You know technically what you're hearing. That's the literature. She hear a little shaker in the background. So this one is called After Hours and always on. I don't know. Let them don't have that type of vibe in here. It really doesn't matter. Nothing sexy about it. Nothing sexy about the book. Okay. Other than self-empowerment. Like it's a good thing. I guess that's sexy. Self-empowerment. Self-empowerment is sexage for you to. Oh, I'm so sorry. You've been holding this so patient.

SPEAKER_01: 30:24

Yeah, I was, but it's all good. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03: 30:30

That's perfect. Knowing it and knowing yourself enough is it, like knowing, knowing you so much. And deciding what that's really, at the end of the day, it really is more about yourself than really them. If you get to the root of it, it is about, hey, let me. That's like the main part. So if you're to that point where you're so self-assured and you know yourself and you know what you are okay with and not okay with, that definitely is a sexy vibe song. Here's to let them be sexy. Let it know.

SPEAKER_02: 31:06

Let it try. So what is this?

SPEAKER_03: 31:07

The kettle one? This is kettle one with the chocolate covered espresso beans.

SPEAKER_01: 31:13

Kettle one is alright with me.

SPEAKER_03: 31:22

I'm gonna say this. Chopin, I usually kettle one was my go-to. Chopin Chopin is just so much smoother. The killer one got like a little burn to it now.

SPEAKER_01: 31:34

It does, but with the espresso. With the chocolate espresso burning. Bite that and then take the shot, it's absolutely good.

SPEAKER_02: 31:43

Espresso mercy. So uh the type of music you should be hearing right now is uh Nina Simone, uh some Moses, Sutton, some Amy Winehouse. You should be feeling that while you're drinking it. Okay, Amy? Nah, nah.

SPEAKER_03: 31:59

But the weekends, after hours. I love that. This is definitely gonna wake you up. No, I don't know. I love that combination. These really good.

SPEAKER_02: 32:10

Really? These are dangerous. Yeah, they're good, good. These espresso bangs, could you stack on these and then be awake? I wonder how I wonder how the espresso bangs will taste with the I mean at this point it sounds like something we should do. Yeah. So I think part of the concluding of it all, if we can get to that part, is just when you start investing more energy. I think a lot of self-help books, probably the whole thing of the world is to stop controlling everybody else. And start learning how to uncontrolling yourself. And the more that you do that, the more energy actually what you're actually trying to accomplish will actually happen. So you being an example, you saying, I'm gonna stop saying, you need to do this, you need to do that, da-da-da, black. Why are you doing that? Blah blah blah blah. And when you start just putting that energy, like, you know what, I'm gonna start doing it, I'm gonna go work out, I'm gonna do, I want this person to do that, I'm gonna do all the energy. And then hopefully maybe they'll follow your example. Maybe they won't, but either way, you're gonna get better. You get a lot accomplished, you get a lot accomplished. I tell you that. I think for sure. We, as human beings in general, spend a lot of our own energy involving ourselves in everybody else's story instead of trying to paste hours together. Um, would y'all agree or disagree?

SPEAKER_03: 33:27

I I think, yeah, but then I also think that, I mean, if you look at like all of us as being like, even like, you know, doing this, like being um, be like in a in a creative world, I think that and when I told you before about the kid, I think like that being like in it, being a creative is like also another very difficult place to be like, oh, we'll just let them and then let you, because you have to put yourself out there. You created something and your mind is amazing. And then you put it out there in the world, and the world like throw it back at you, like, well, uh, okay. But maybe it wasn't just for you, okay. Hold on, let me smile my people. So I do think like that that part is, I I mean, in most areas of my life, I really am like, hey, let them head. What Natasha, what do you have control over? Just do that, just do that, and you know, and also don't let other people stop you because if you have this vision of something that you want to create, something you want to put out there, yes, you may have the first, even a hundred people could look at you be like, trash. It really just means maybe though that that a hundred first person may be like, no, this is amazing, and then they're gonna spark it, and then that's gonna be the one that gets it going. But I definitely would say in the in the creative space, you just do have to throw yourself out there a lot of times. Yeah, um, that whole let them, it'd be a little hard sometimes because you're feeling you're feeling to be set up to be hurt.

SPEAKER_02: 35:11

Okay, you're set up it's not yourself. So, for this book, what would who would you recommend this book um to and why would you think they need to read it? So I would want that from everybody. Like, what who is this book for? Who would you recommend it to, and uh why should they read it?

SPEAKER_01: 35:31

I would recommend it to um, I would recommend it to young adults. When I say young adults, like, you know, people have a tendency to think that they're grown when they hit that 18-year-old mark, and that's not a thing. And then, you know, there's that 21 when it's like, okay, now I'm grown. Like, no, you're legal, you know. You know, grown is really um a state of mind. Okay, right. I get you. So I think it's a good, I think it would be a good book for those that are in that kind of those early 20s where you really want to be on your own, but you realize that you are still pretty dependent on your parents, but you don't necessarily want to listen to everything um that they say, or you want to have a dialogue, you know, you want to be able to have a dialogue. I think it it's a good read for people who are in that kind of stage of life. Um almost like a mentor, if you will.

SPEAKER_00: 36:31

Okay. Okay. Yeah, I agree. Um, so I work in higher ed, I work with college students every day. Um, but I would recommend this to like a senior, like a junior or a senior in college. Um, because that's when you're really starting to test adulthood and you find out how ghetto it is very quickly. Um so I would recommend this, like, yeah, it's probably around what Star was saying, like a young adult, but someone who's like really about to take a deep dive out of anything organized. So, yeah, a senior in transition, junior in college, probably.

SPEAKER_03: 37:09

Um, I was gonna say that I would give it to, I just must have given it to, given it to Amaya, and she's getting ready to go to, you know, she's 18, getting ready to go out to the role, but I don't think it's so much about her age why I would give it to her. I would give it to her because I feel like she is a person who really does, um, she's hard on herself and she also like listens to like what other people say. So I think she's a person who's easy to let other people like get in her head sometimes and like could influence and like and make her like pause and not have that confidence in herself. And so I think for her, she's a person, because because of her personality, I feel like she's a person who if she's ready to get that idea of, hey, regardless of what they are doing, don't let that stop you, or don't let other people's opinions of you stop you. Hey, even though they're doing this, you do you. It's okay if they don't like it, or whatever. You know what I mean? Just sort of like to help her not focus so much on what other people may think or getting something wrong, and like that's you know, she's real confident that she wants to do things the right way. And like, guess what, girl? Ain't no right way. Like everybody can fumble through the same life you fumbling through. They don't know what they're doing, right? But like if she could like hear that and hear that make, I feel like it'd be good for her as just because of her her personality is.

SPEAKER_02: 38:25

I I would agree with the young adults. I would always say also put it for somebody that wants to be like more self-aware, um, or they feel like they're trying to control everything in life. Anybody that's in transition, I think that the book will be very helpful on just seeing a different perspective of life and how to actually if you're trying to, like I said, empower yourself. I feel like what this book definitely uh communicates that star.

SPEAKER_00: 38:52

All right, so our last segment as we wrap this thing up.

SPEAKER_01: 38:59

So um, we're we like to close out every episode with a top for thought. Um, we'll we'll let y'all figure that one out. Uh so for this week's Top for Thought, we selected a powerful quote from the book, and it is you don't need permission to be yourself. You don't need anyone's approval. You don't need to explain yourself. Let them think what they want, let them talk, let them judge. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you're being true to yourself. Touche. Touche. And with that, okay. Yes. Oh, you might do that. And an espresso lady, too.

SPEAKER_03: 39:40

Let me tell you what my cousin. She is heavy-handed on his poor. Like, did I just say my cousin be headed?

SPEAKER_01: 39:48

This is a whole, it's only half anyway.

SPEAKER_03: 39:50

Am I gonna do that?

SPEAKER_01: 39:51

Listen, shout out. Okay, thank you guys for tuning in and hanging out with us. Uh what what's next? I was just about to tell the people. Tell the people. Okay, you guys can catch us next time. We'll be talking about the other side of the pillow by our girl Zane. So you already know how that's gonna go. I'm just saying. Alright, until then. Cheers. Cheers, y'all.

SPEAKER_02: 40:16

Thank you for listening to the Black Girls Lip Podcast. Join us on our next tour and our next page, The Other Side of the Pillow by Zane. Make sure to like, subscribe, comment, and follow.