Welcome Introduction: 0:02

hey bookish baddies

Lex: 0:10

welcome to black girls lit

Natasha: 0:15

where fine women fine literature and fine libations collide

Nicole: 0:22

step into the lit life black girls lit starts now

Star: 0:26

black women are so complex

Nicole: 0:29

Hey guys, welcome to Black Girls Lit Podcast. We are here again. My name is Nicole. To my right is...

Lex: 0:36

I'm Lex.

Star: 0:37

I'm Star.

Natasha: 0:38

And I'm Natasha.

Nicole: 0:39

What's up, y'all? So what we got going today, Lex?

Lex: 0:43

So today we are talking about the book, The Other Side of the Pillow by Zane. Today's Pairings will be, what is this, whiskey?

Nicole: 0:54

Whiskey.

Speaker 00: 0:54

Whiskey.

Natasha: 0:55

We're brown, y'all. We're brown.

Lex: 0:57

To get through this one. But our BGL cocktail of the week is a Gold Rush. It is our Elijah Craig with a little bit of honey syrup, some lemon juice, and aromatic bitters. So, cheers. Cheers, ladies.

Nicole: 1:19

Ting, ting, ting.

Speaker 00: 1:20

Good luck, y'all. Gold rushes. Oh, that's a man. That's liquor. That's liquor. That's lit. It's pretty. Puts the lit in black girls' lives. We came to get litty today. The whole time to kill us. She was bartending. I did bartending and We need to mix it up. See, now y'all wishing y'all had them straws I talked about now, huh? She been trying to get some straws. Ain't nobody want no straws. Told them we need some straws. So to speak about Zayn, Zayn has been around for a minute. Zayn is an author that is with Black Erotica, pretty much meaning that she has a lot of African-American characters. Well, not a lot of them. Like, she has other characters. She has nothing but African-American characters in her books. And, of course, it's going to have something steamy. While also just having your basic book talking about relationships and women. She's a New York Times bestseller. She's also had her book Addicted featured as a screenplay, movie screenplay. Tyler Perry did it not too long ago. And then also the Sex Chronicles are some other ones that she's known of. Yeah, just know if you ever read a Zane, it's going to be a little steamy. But I think she was my first like, ooh, am I supposed to be reading this? Wasn't your first one? Absolutely. Yes, I agree. My first one, I think it was like Aaron Jerome, Dickie, or them people like that. Around about the same time, but no sex chronicle. He's definitely the first for me. I said, ooh. On to the ratings. Tell us about the ratings. Tell the people about the ratings. The Other Side of the Pill, that's the Zane book we chose this week, right? So in this book, we're talking about where we have Gemma Street. She's sort of a woman scoring, not really in love with love, but then Tevin come in saying all the right things. And so she got to decide whether she's going to take the leap, trust her heart or not. I will say, you know, y'all know our rating scale. We giving it. We cheers. Cheers. We love it. Okay. Sip. If it's okay, it's good. Like I said, about three stars. Babysit if it's just okay, and then send it back if we just gonna send it back. So I will start off. I'm coming with... I'm gonna say Cheers. I did. I liked it. Cheers. I was here for it. You know what? I'm gonna give it... I don't know if there can be something in between Babysit and Cheers. But that's what I'm gonna give it. Only because I needed a little bit more character development. It seemed like the typical... book in general of how it was progressing. So I wanted a little bit more like meat to it. But overall, I mean, was it a good read? Was it a moment that I text star and was like, girl, have you read this part yet? So I think I'm going to have to give it a cheers. That sounds like a cheers, didn't it? It was better than a sip. Did it sound like a sip? I don't know. A sip and cheers. I don't know. But no, same though. I think I would give it between a sip and a babysit. Oh my gosh. This was my first Zane book. I've never read Zane before. But I do love me a good erotica novel. So, I enjoyed it. I do think... I do think it was a little dated, but we'll get into that later into the podcast. So that's the only thing that I was like, all right. But, you know, as a millennial Gen Z, I'm like right in the middle. Yeah, I have a catch on to that quick. So that's only why. But it was cute. It was cute. Yeah. I'm going to give it. I'm going to sip this one. I do love Zayn. I love, love, love Zayn. I'm giving it a sip because. I don't... necessarily love the Black woman scorn narrative. I do think that there's a way to get to, yes, we have, you know, we go through challenges in relationships and, you know, what the healing process of that looks like. But the bitter, the bitter, angry Black woman, like, we don't, it doesn't always end that way. You know what I mean? Like, you can progress through the challenges of relationships without it being that um so that's why i'm sipping this one but you know for for all intents and purposes i get why she had to be you know for the story but it's a tired story yeah i think that when i go into it i'm judging it for what i like i already know what it's gonna be so i should be judging books based on what i'm like okay this This is Zayn, but I'm not necessarily looking for character development or anything like that. I'm just like, you know why I picked up the book, Zayn. Girl, you delivered. Okay, we good. You did what needed to be done. I wouldn't even say she went super hot, though. It went super deep. No, there was, there was, there was some other, she's done a lot of ones. There were some things and she's always going to get, you know, if you can get beyond, right. The core of what, what erotica is, right. It is what it is. But if you can get beyond that, there's always some underlying issues. story there's some there's something there that you can take from so I think that was something I shared with you like when we were choosing the book like okay so listen it's it's gonna be sex and then it's gonna be some more sex and a little bit more sex and then it's gonna be a story yeah like you can get you know get beyond the and some people are uncomfortable with that right so if you can get beyond the whatever your comfort level is with that there's definitely something there you know there's always some there's always some meat there so Well, as we transition to our first part to start talking about this book, we're going to introduce you all to Glenn Fetish. I'm hoping I'm saying it correctly, but it's going to be paired with some green apples. This is what we're calling the Sunday matinee. The Sunday matinee. Let our whistles start off here at the top. A little whiskey, a little apple slice, you know. That's going to be interesting. They're like, oh, I never had apples on my whiskey before. Ever. Going to be in the little flames. Yes, it is. So when you're sipping on this one, you're going to want to be sitting here thinking about a little Chris Jazz beat. You know, little high-class restaurants you go to. She started off in a little poetry spot where she'd be in a little poetry sleep. Trying to do the little Love Jones part. So our pairing, of course, like I said, the green apples with the Glen Fetish. Let's taste it, y'all. Let's see what's going on here. That's rare. Ooh, that brown liquor. Mm-hmm. But it's good. Okay, the apple helps. It is good. So the apple takes out the... Mm-hmm. It does cool it down. It tones it down. It tones it all the way down. It says, okay. So if you got your brown and you just go ahead and just eat your little apple. Mm-hmm. So let's speak in about toning down. That was the beginning of Gematry's story here in this book, right? She had had this background of being in bad relationships and being treated bad, even though she's given her all. And now she's coming upon somebody that wasn't playing so many games, which is Tevin. How do y'all feel about, you know, the fresh start that Gematry was experiencing right at the top of the book? All right, let's talk about Gematry in the beginning of the book in general, just her thought on men, right? I think, I mean, it made sense with the history she had of like the physical abuse and all that. It made sense for her to feel that way about men, like to have a negative outlook. If that's the only thing you've been, that you've dealt with. So, I mean, it definitely made sense. And I mean, it also shows like a certain level of, I think like bravery, just even put yourself out there. I mean, I've never been in an abusive relationship, not physically abusive relationship. So I can only imagine that. that level of trust that's been broken and to be able to even put yourself into another relationship, I just feel like that takes a lot of strength. I don't know. Think about it. She had a roster at the beginning. She definitely had a roster. She was like, uh-uh. Very noncommittal. I don't know if I want to even be close enough to even be having sex with somebody, though, if I had been through an abusive relationship. I don't know. I've just never been in it, so I don't know how I would handle it. She had some needs. My concern with her at the beginning was when she started to speak on this pattern, right? I think that was probably the most concerning thing for me at the beginning is, you know, if you're talking about one bad relationship or maybe two, but it was the pattern for me that starts to suggest, like, maybe it's not everybody else, right? Maybe... And, and not, yeah. And I mean, I think that's just in general, right. In life. Like I'm really big on energy right now. Right. Like you get what you put out and you know, like we attract certain things. So I think a lot of times people are just like serial relationship people. Like they need to need to need to, right. And sometimes you need to take a step back and say, wait a minute. If I keep saying, finding myself in these same types of situations, these same types of relationships with these same types of people, what am I doing, right? And not in the sense of like blaming yourself, right? But what am I not doing or what am I not being clear about as far as my expectations and what I need and what I expect from people that they feel that they can keep giving me this, you know? So that was where I kind of, going back to my rating, like, okay, girl, maybe it's you. Like maybe you need to, you know what I mean? Like, and not in the sense of like faults, but maybe you need to take a step back and get to know yourself, like, and be confident in yourself. And what is it that you really want and who you really are and what you have to bring to the table so that you can project that. And people, you know what I mean? Like there's just a certain thing. There's a certain energy that you put out where people know like, nah, she don't look like she with the shenanigans. You know what I mean? Did she become a, was she a principal at that time when she was 18? Once she got out of those relationships, then that's when she was like, hey, went back to school and became a principal. The vibes that she put up, like you said, with the whole roster and she was the principal, and they talked about how great she was at running her school and everything like that, that really does not jive with somebody who's getting beat on to the point where they're getting put to the hospital. So maybe that was like she took her power back point and then she transitioned to who she is. I think that was where, like, that was the headspace she... was in slash was projecting she was in because she did she did talk about the point of the roster is she wanted to be noncommittal and she wanted to take back all the power in her relationship so being able to hop from guy to guy whenever she wanted to however she wanted to and just being able to have that power to be the man in the relationship, if you will, was the stage she was at while she was also in this very powerful job as a principal. So I think what you're saying, yeah, she worked... By the time she was in that headspace, that's where she was. I think it had been a while since she... But that was like the last serious relationship she had when she was much younger and getting beat on and hadn't been in that headspace of like, get up, girl. And this is her... idea of getting up is the space she believes she's in. I think she was numbing herself, really. That too. I'm just not going to do that. I'm going to use what I need and then I'm going to stay. Cut it right there. Yeah, just cut it right there. That's it. Defense mechanism. A protection mechanism. Which is also slightly toxic, maybe. I don't know. And I'm not trying to be judgmental with the character. And I guess from my perspective, right? And I know we all go through different stages and we're in different places at different times. And maybe to your point of it being dated slightly, It definitely isn't giving Black women in 2025. It is not. And I think the slightly toxic trait that you're pointing at is that Jimistry projected very much on anybody that even came close to her that were in the male variety. She already came in with the mindset of like, this man ain't shit. I already know he's going to f*** me over. So I'm going to just hop on this s***. real quick and then be on my way and that was her and I do think that part of it is extremely toxic because now you're generalizing and how do you find love that way if you're not allowing yourself to be vulnerable like she was definitely traumatized but she said she wasn't looking for love she really just wanted she wanted to go for a ride and then go and then go about her business Oh, do we think that that was a lie she was telling herself? I think that was a front. I think that was a front. I don't think it was. I do. I mean, I guess every human being in the day, you probably want to have somebody to care for you. Yes. I think she was done. Like, it terrified her too much. She was traumatized. Yeah. Definitely traumatized. Yeah, she was definitely traumatized. But rightfully so. I mean, rightfully so.

Unknown: 15:16

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 00: 15:16

Well, I mean, speaking of tripping. And that's what we're talking about. That's what I'm saying. What? Complex. Right. Thinking of tripping into love, I feel like we should trip accidentally into the next drink, unwisingly so. Okay, okay. Because however whiskey is filling off the first two. Yeah. We're going to get into Elijah. Elijah Craig. Special shout out to the Werther's Original Caramel Popcorn. I just want this. Isn't it amazing? It looks like it's good. I don't know why. It's a whole vibe. I'm not even going to lie to you. I was like, this is about to get stuck in my teeth. I don't like the sticky feeling. Ah. Touche. I was like, uh-uh. I'll take one. But it's going down. I saw what you did there, Star. You should be feeling a little new. I want you to feel soul in here. I want you to feel the music soul child in here. You should feel a little bit of... What's the other guy? I don't know. All the things. The taste. Okay, let me tell you. Y'all were looking like... Elijah was good. I like this pairing. It's cute. Yeah, the popcorn is... The popcorn is really the MVP. The popcorn is the MVP. Please understand. I like it with the whiskey. Where's the original caramel popcorn? We definitely need that. It's a good pairing. It's sweet now. It's caramel popcorn, but it's not like... It doesn't stick in your teeth too much. Yeah. And it's not like OD. You know, like some caramel popcorn be like, oh my God. Yeah. It's really good. This is a cute pairing. I like that. And the caramel popcorn makes, it brings up more caramel flavor. It allows you. Yes. Are y'all tasting that? I can't. Yeah. You gotta, you gotta let the popcorn, yeah, like you gotta get the popcorn on your whole tongue. Because this right here. guys, I don't know what they're talking about. Nicole, you gotta get the caramel on your whole tongue. Here she goes. Oh, really? So many thoughts were made. I'm going to keep that over here until at least the last shot. I was like, can we just wait a minute? We talking about refreshing? We just got that? Sorry. Sorry. Okay. Back to your question about refreshing. Refreshing love. Refreshing love, girl. That unexpected love that you ain't know just caught you like, oh, I wasn't even looking for you. Okay. Yes. Who's had that before? I'm having it right now. Oh, okay. Tea. Tea? Right? Tea. Yeah, I'm not going to go into too much detail, but... At some point in time. Yeah. It's... Describe it. It's cool. It's cute. It's fun. It is. It absolutely is. It's very, very unexpected. A very unexpected individual. You know, someone from my past. But it's like, oh, okay. I see a different side of you. And there's definitely, I'm definitely a different me, you know. But yeah, it's fun. Especially when you open yourself up to it. Like, I think if I can be, if I can be transparent and honest, I'll say that. Initially, I was like, anyway, what I call for or what I need is, you know what I mean? Like, ain't nobody... Ain't nobody on that. But after a while, you know, it takes a lot for a man to be honest and vulnerable. Right. And put themselves out there. So they got to a point where I was like, well, wait a minute. Let me not. You know what I'm saying? Like, let me not disrespect the vulnerability. And I think once I did that, it kind of allowed the conversations to kind of take their natural course. course so it's pretty cool like I don't know what's gonna happen or be the outcome I'm not there's no expectation you know what I mean it's just it's just fun right now so I feel like that sounds very relatable to freaking Tevin and chemistry yeah like chemistry really couldn't figure out like Tevin like what's your angle you about to mess up you doing too good Tevin came in very strong very like this is exactly what I want I want you I like you This is what we doing. What time you doing this? And then she's over here like, hold on. Slow down. Slow down. Slow your rope. Right, right, right. He's like, I ain't got no issues. If you don't be sitting in place, like he's shooting straight. Yeah. It's kind of something you like. It's refreshing. Same thing for y'all too. I know it's been a minute since that first beautiful love happened. But I need you to flash it back. I need you to flash it all the way back when you like, dang, that's it. I feel like we all sort of have, like, the same story. Like, hey, we dealt with some a**holes. I'm like, man, dudes ain't s**t, they ain't s**t. And then all of a sudden, somebody pop up, and you're like, oh, you're trying to be different. And I think, I mean, sort of like Demetria, like, I pushed back on her for a minute, good one. I mean, I was, like, literally 20 years old when I met Alvin. And part of me was, I had only ever had, like, ridiculous relationships with a lot of like fighting and just, ah, you know, gotta have drama. I just thought, I thought that because all my friends, they had dramatic relationships. That's what I had previously. I thought that drama and arguing and stomping off and all that. I thought that that was, that's what a relationship was, you know? So then like when I met Alvin and he was just like, I'm not going to be arguing with you. Like, I'm not, you about to stop off then. Oh, okay. Well, I guess I'm gonna see you later. I don't like, he wasn't going to chase me. He wasn't going to sit there and argue with me. And I mean, you, you do end up looking like an idiot when you just argue with yourself. You realize you just, I'm not, now I'm just up here yelling. Ain't nobody yelling back. Like, this is weird. And, um, it's, I mean, so I fought him for those reasons because again, just cause he just was like, I'm just, I'm not going to be dramatic with you. And I did. I really did. At that time I was young. I thought that that's what a relationship had to have. And then I also fought the fact that it's crazy to be 20 years old and feel like, oh my gosh, this is the person I'm going to marry. Because again, you're like, I'm only 20. I can't already be wife up. I feel like we're about to meet somebody. And so, you know, you fight against it. But at the same time, you're like, it's like he never gave me a reason to break up with him. Even when I was like, I mean, again, I was just looking. No, no, let's fight. Let's fight. I mean, I didn't know any better. I didn't know. I didn't No, I promise. You're being ridiculous for nothing. Just for no reason. Just throwing 10 potentials. And again, I mean, I was 20. I had just, I mean, I had just crossed into sorority. So all of a sudden people give me a little look. So I'm like, Oh shoot, let me try to be. But then at the same time, I'm like, he literally, he was like, if there was a checklist, I mean, he was just like me and everything. I was just like, okay, girl, you'd be so stupid if you just... Right, if you just walk away because you think, oh, well, you're 20 and you're too young or whatever. But... here we are. Like I said, I mean, I fought against her for a little bit. Then I was like, you know what? Let me just go with it. Let me just do it. Let me just do it. Okay. And here we are 20-something years later and just looking back and I'm like, dude, it done really been like, literally, I've been Mrs. Salter longer than I was ever Ms. Neal. Like, it was just crazy. That is crazy. Um, But I mean, and I do understand like, you know, why it would not work out for everyone. Cause if I look back at who we were when we first got together, you know, 20 years old, we didn't know anything, but we did sort of have, you know, a couple of like the main common goals in mind of, Hey, you know what we wanted family, this and that and stuff, you know? And I said, he just was, he, I was looking at my dad treated me very well. Nothing that he treated me very well. And when I tell you that Alvin jumped in and he was like, oh, you're right here treating people like that. Oh, okay. My daddy set a very high bar and you were jumping in meeting them standards. I really had no... I never had a choice but to say yes, because I really would have been like a fool. I would have been a dummy. And I love, I absolutely love that. Like, I love that for you. And I've told you before, you know, at this stage of my life, you being a part of my life and me being able to see you guys interact, you know, with each other and still see you get to be the woman that you are, right? The woman that you are, the friend that you are, the mother that you are, the wife that you are. And like, there's no, there's no conflict Or there's no you're not being forced to be one thing or the other, you know, and you have that support from him. Like, that is the only thing that has me really entertaining this new thing that this new thing slash old thing back. Like, you know, because I'm like, OK, well, you know, maybe, you know, maybe. those men are out there that, that get it and they understand and they're not, they're not threatened by, you know, the, the things. And then, you know, you, you do, you do what needs to be done. Touche. The first thing, when it happened, describe it. Cause I always knew, I remember. Yeah. I remember when, I remember, I remember. Yeah. No. So I'm, I've been engaged for a year now, but wedding countdown is on. Less than six months out. Oh, my God. Yeah. We're coming up on that time. But no, me and Antron... I don't know. We were just very open with each other at the beginning. We both weren't really looking for anything serious. He had told me when he met me he wanted to be single for at least three more years. So he really was not. And I had just been out of something for a little bit and trying to recover from that. And so when we came in, we were both like, all right, so... I'm not even gonna lie to you. I'm dating like two other people. And I was like, great. I'm also dating two other people. So am I. So, you know, may the odds be ever in your favor. But we just really like, we didn't put any pressure on it. And we just really went on the fact that if it was meant to be, it'll be. And so all the others went away and we just really started to enjoy each other's company and started to truly be friends. Because I had never been in a relationship before where I was where I could truly say that was my best friend. Like I was in those relationships. I was like, oh, my boyfriend locate Loki hates me, but I love him, though. But I know he hates me. And so with him, it's definitely not that like that is my best friend. And so, yeah, it's just been easy. Like, I'm not nervous about it at all. He's not nervous about it. And we've just given each other time and space to grow. So it's just been very, very natural. Very, very natural. Yeah, I didn't come into it with any scorn or hate. Like, I knew what I wanted and what I wasn't going to put up with, and that was people who are not emotionally mature. And Antron is very emotionally mature. He challenged me in a lot of spaces, so... From there, it was, you know, it was very, very easy. And that's what I tell people. Love shouldn't be hard. Like, when you figure it out. Knock down, drag out. Like, that's not cute. It truly should not be hard at all. It shouldn't be. It shouldn't hurt. It shouldn't hurt. It shouldn't be painful. That doesn't mean y'all don't make mistakes or do things to hurt the other person, but it's not out of malice. You should be able to recover. If y'all are doing too much too soon, you need to reevaluate because it really shouldn't be all that. It shouldn't.

Unknown: 27:10

Okay.

Speaker 00: 27:10

alright guys moving on are y'all okay? you know the whiskey is hitting y'all got a what do you call it? Zane is meant for brown liquor absolutely I don't know about all these other pairings but the pairing of Zane and brown liquor it goes together real bad so now we're going to get into the juice of it all Natasha told me at this point this is when I say there could be spoilers Possibly. That don't mean tune out. That just means lean in. If you haven't read the book, then I mean... Lean in. Come on, love. We're going to give you all the juice so you can read it for your own self. We're going to start this with... The Black Lady. Fawn Weaver. That's Uncle Nearest. This is her thing right here. And we're going to pair that with beef salami and gouda cheese with some crackers. Nice little lunchables. It's a grown lunchable. Yeah, a little charcuterie. I'm a little nervous. We're going to talk about that. We're going to make a connection between this secret recipe and this secret that this bitch should have kept in the book. Oh, no. Oh, she cook. She loose. It's a brown liquor. It's a brown liquor. Put it on the side. The brown liquor made me do it. I thought we was talking secrets. I thought I was amongst friends. Yes, we are amongst friends. This is the same stage. What you do not know, I guess the viewers may not know, is the fact that what we're talking about, we've been talking about Gemistry and Tevin, which is her love interest. She had a best friend that she was roommates with called Winsome. Winsome is a bisexual woman who is also very free in life. More of like, I think, common day, we would call her more like polyamorous. Maybe. Maybe Polly. A little bit. She likes living her life. She likes what she likes. Yes. And as long as it's all ethical done, she gonna... You said trisexual. She willing to try anything. She's very sexually free. Meaning there is an instant where there was a roommate walk in. We ain't gonna tell you too deep, but just know it was more than... Oh, fuck. three people involved. Yeah. She just had no boundaries. She had no boundaries. That's what it boiled down to. This is yours. Oh, okay. I was like, oh, that's happening. Overpassing. Overpassing. I didn't even know it got passed. Oh, that's sweet. All right. Here goes this. You ready to taste it? Give her a try. Let y'all know this is 100 proof. Oh, okay. That explains it. Okay, alone, I'm going to say Uncle Neary's is smooth. Oh, my gosh. I should put this on a cup of rocks and be good. It is really, really smooth. Oh, that's so good. I put a cup of rocks in there, I'd be good. Now, let me taste it with this Lunchable. The Lunchable, right? I feel wrong. That is good. This actually should be something I should take to work for real. It's really good together. This is good. Okay. So for all you non-whiskey drinkers, absolutely, yeah. We out here at the park having like a little picnic. Get your little blanket, get your little picnic basket, bottle of whiskey and a little charcuterie. You in the game. Gemma Street, Winsome, how did you feel about the situation? And describe the situation so the people can know a little bit about it. That was not her damn friend. Let me tell you, I don't have no friends. I want to talk about friendships on both sides. I want to talk about Tevin's friend. I also want to talk about chemistry as well. Winsome was that girl, and I think a lot of girls have them in their friend group, that you just don't leave alone with your man. You do not. You just don't leave them alone with your man. Winsome was trifling. She very much was. But also think... It was a protective mechanism. So to explain without oversharing, when some decided to sabotage... Gemistry and Tevin's relationship in a very, very sexual, very, very hurtful way to make it seem as if she knows that Gemistry has trust issues and is triggered easily. And so she decided to set Tevin up in a way that was very trifling. And so, yeah, she was just one of those friends that you just... Stop cutting. That was not her plan. For Gemistry, she was a little naive, thinking like, yeah, she might be a little out there, but it'll never come back. None of that's coming back. What is it? The chicken comes back home, the roots or whatever like that? That ain't going to never come back here. You know your friend is like that, but you think they're going to be like that with somebody else. You would never be the person. And see, and here's the thing where I go back to not blaming Gemistry, but... You have to. You have to set... boundaries like you have to set boundaries you get to a place in life where you have to set boundaries and the people that you choose to be around or allow in your circle right like or certain levels of access they have to have the appropriate boundaries as well well I would get it though if that's your best friend like it's just like y'all like yeah Never. Never in my brain. I would be so shocked. I don't have nobody in my inner circle who I would even think about. But who Winsome was, though. So here's the other thing. People are who they are. We get these pictures in our minds of how we want people to be, right? Because that's what fits our narrative. And that's what would make... things pleasing to us. But Winsome, she was who she was. She didn't have what... She had no boundaries. There was nothing about Winsome throughout the entire story. There was nothing about her that said she had boundaries. She didn't even respect Gemma Street and the fact that they lived together. Gemma Street spoke about multiple times where it's like, You don't even respect the fact that this space is shared. Like, you're not in the room. You're not in the bathroom. Like, you're in the living room. Like, so she did not have boundaries. So for, you know, again, like, you want to believe, right? Like, oh, no, this is my dog. This is my best friend. Like, they would never. Yes, they would. If they don't have boundaries, a person that doesn't have boundaries doesn't have boundaries. I don't think it's almost like she wanted to, I wouldn't say possess chemistry, but it was a way like, you my friend, we in this together. Absolutely. It was very misery love company. She was miserable. She was a hundred miserable too. Even after the situation, she was like, what about us though? Yeah. If you go, if you go live happily ever after, then I have to do this by myself. And that was what, but here's the thing. For a person that has boundaries, it's crazy. For a person who doesn't have boundaries, what is the most extreme thing that I can do so that I only have to do it once? Sabotage. Like... if we go back to the end of the book, the fact that she even tried to become friends again, it was crazy. That was, that was, that was for the book. That is not real life. I'm sorry. There has to be a special set of wings. There has to be a special set of wings in heaven for chemistry for that. Cause absolutely not. I've got friends off her way less for just the thought of, or the idea that you might, you know what? If you were like, Oh, I love you. Yeah. Who looks sexy? My man looks sexy? Do you? No, that's crazy. You said it out loud. I don't know because I really... So when we read it, I was like, hey, no way. That's not her friend. I know we talk about, oh, well, you have that friend who you know who they are. They are wild friends. They are wild friends. I don't know if maybe just for me at the point I'm at in life now, because again, I'm just like... I'm old, so I'm like... I don't call everybody my friend. I know y'all say I be out here, and I do. I'm very social, and I be having people... You're friendly. I am friendly. The people who I consider like my friends, who I'm like, hey, you work with my house, we breaking bread. I don't think there's anybody in what I would consider like my inner circle who I would not 100% be like, Yeah, you can be at my house. Go to my house. Like, hey, I'm going to let you in. Whatever. Yeah. There's nobody, like, in that space. Do I know some people who may be, like, somewhere hovering in the outer ring? In the vicinity. But I would never have called them my friend. Like, I don't have anybody who I'm, like, regularly, hey, we live, like, they live together. Like, what? That's crazy. Once again, I do think, like I said, Gemma was very, like, naive in a sense. Like, this is my best friend. She has, like, that loyalty in her own brain that it translates. Like, she wild. But not me. She'll do that to them, but she's not going to do that to me. She would never come this way with that kind of energy. Like, because I got her back and she know that. And you know what? Another thing. And another thing people too, like we expect ourselves from other people. Yeah. Like subconsciously. Right. Like, so subconsciously- I would never do that. So clearly they would never- There's no way that that person would do it because I would never do that, right? And again, that's something that I, you know, having a young adult, I share with him like early because I just learned that, right? This is something that I learned recently. Like, you know what? That makes all the sense in the world, right? And that's where we get disappointed where- We have those expectations of people based on how we would maneuver or how we would handle a situation. And then when people prove to be somebody, to be their own person, right? Which they always have been. And do their own thing. And there's the disappointment. And sometimes it hurts. Like sometimes it's hurtful because it's like, dang, I would never do that to you. Right? And then people... take it personal, like a personal attack. And it's not necessarily a personal attack on me as an individual. That's just who, that's just who the hell we are. Like, and I gotta just, I gotta, I gotta let you be you. How did I not see that in you before? Yeah. So now I'm mad at me because I'm like, now why you mad at you though? Why I didn't know? Yeah. Because you didn't know. People show you who they are. You got to believe them. Believe them. Dagon, Maya. Believe them. Absolutely. Until you learn, you learn. I thought that was a... That's what got me on German Street. I didn't feel like she learned. No, because I wouldn't have told you. Yes. I think there was some... Maybe it's the point of this, right? This auntie winsome. No, not never. But there is a point, I guess. She kind of treated her more like how we treat family, right? Like, let's say you had a cousin that did that. Y'all still family. Unfortunately, we still make a way. We like, you ain't gonna never. I don't. I feel like we're not anymore. I feel like we used to, but I feel like we are not anymore. I feel like now, we're like, you know what? So you tell me. Blood is what it is, what it is. We are at a point, at least for everybody who I talk to, we're at a place where we realize we don't have to just accept anything. Whether it's family, friends, used to be, whatever it is now. hey uncle what you did was very inappropriate and I'm not going to be up here breaking bread with you at Thanksgiving like we cool because it wasn't and anyone who else is going to be okay with that just don't invite me don't invite me are you now telling the whole story to the whole family like you're like Hey, this is why we're not cool no more because now you're showing up. Well, here's the thing. Everybody knows. Everybody knows. Stuff that we used to keep a little rough, they want you to say it now. Now, here's the thing. I don't want to go too deep into it, but I think collectively... As a culture, we are doing, we're moving a little bit different. We are changing secrets and the hiding of everything. Because we used to think it was our secret, but no, I don't have nothing to be ashamed of. You should be ashamed. So I'm right here covering for you. Which is crazy because it did just confuse to happen. And then all of a sudden you're like, Right. So we're not, we're not doing it because again, you made me feel like it was my shame where I said, I'm the one that did something wrong. Like, turns out it's not, it was you. And we was all covered for what? Like, so I feel like we decided that, that we just not accepted anything. And we're not, we're not gonna be cool with a lot of stuff that I feel like we used to be cool with. Yeah. The conversation has definitely changed. And I think it's really more so with the push towards a lot of open conversations about mental health. And that's a big thing, you know, that we, didn't as a, as a culture and a community, right. We haven't always discussed that or focused on that and what that looks like, what that means. So I think overall in general, and that's any relationship, you know, romantic relationships, friendships, family relationships, it's about the health, like what's healthy, right. Like, what's healthy? What's positive? And if it's not, guess what? It's okay to let it go. Like, it's okay to let it go. You know, love people from a distance. Like, no hard feelings on nothing. What you have going on or how you move, how you maneuver, that doesn't work for my mental health. Like, it does not put me in a good space. And I think it's all about talking, which is what I feel like I've learned the most from, like, the younger generation coming up. Cause I say, and we can even like, just keep it like the simplest level. Even when you talk about, remember when it used to be a thing like, Oh no, we don't talk about how much money you make. Like no one, no one discusses pay. Crazy. Right. But we realized the reason they didn't want to talk about pay. Cause turns out he can pay more than me. Right. It's all right. So like this next generation came up like, Wait, hold up. Well, why is that a secret? Right. And then they come up, like, everything that we were taught, as I say, you know, we around here, they, no, we don't talk about this, but they like, no, we talk about everything. And the way, the way communication on all levels of any subject changes things, because now that we all have these conversations, we all know what we will and won't put up. We're like, what? I was dealing with, girl, it's like, it's just overwhelming. It opens our eyes to so much. It don't matter what the subject is. We talking about it. Ain't no secrets right here, y'all. We putting everything. All our cards is turned up. What's happening? I'll tell you right now. My paycheck don't always align with my lifestyle. And I don't think my lifestyle is the problem. I think it's my damn paycheck. So who do I need to talk to? We got the same position. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Cool. Let me... Okay. I'll talk to the people. There's just so many things that used to be secrets that I feel like... And that is one thing I really do feel like I've learned from the generation coming up that, no, no, no, we not keeping nothing secret. I'm like, y'all might be on to something. So to be the devil's advocate in that, I'm sorry, that's how the story back in. After they actually really effectively communicate, did you think that was open for a good friendship then when someone, because we know what happened. It's on the table about what happened. Finally, the second time that Winsome... We talked about all the reasons why. I know. Second time Winsome came, she came with some sense because that first time was stupid. I don't know what that was. Second time, she still ain't meant to... Damn it, you're right. I wanted her to say it. So now that you're talking about communication, if this person is now trying to show a little bit of accountability... No. Because she even... I mean, Gemma Street even communicated with Tevin about the situation. and about bringing her back. Now, with the whole situation overall, Gemma Street, from my perspective, she was wrong in how she handled the situation initially because she didn't allow that man to explain she didn't allow that man the conversation you see what I'm saying like and not only because she knew but she knew who her friend was you see what I'm saying like so I think she was wrong but it was a deep hurt you got two of your like number one people in your life but she was waiting the thing with Jim and Sharia was she was waiting for her She expected. She was not shocked. She expected him. She expected him. She expected that. So she didn't even give him any, she didn't give him the benefit of the doubt. Like, no, he, everything that he showed her that was that he was a good man. You, she knew her friend was who her friend was, but because she was so, because she was so damaged and, She didn't even, all that went out the window. And he was just like, oh no, you definitely are part of the problem. But do you not think that was not a lack of, like, I think she was aware of that about herself. I don't feel like she never not said that about herself. She was aware. Because she even said like, because he's, you know, whenever they ran into each other. Yeah. She admitted to the fact, like, I just, I couldn't, like. Yeah, but she was aware, but she still had, she definitely owed him a conversation. And, And again, not to give to... Okay, so that's what I'm alluding to because I don't want to get too deep into it. But at some point, when you are committed to somebody at a certain level, you owe them a conversation. A hundred percent. You owe them some sort of conversation. And so I think she was wrong for not talking to that man, but I think she was extra wrong when it got to the point that he... He is owed a conversation. And she still kept it. Yes. Kept it. Yeah, that was great. That's what I don't agree with. All right, guys, what are we? Who's this book for? Let's let's talk about. I would say the book is for. I don't know if you are reading a lot of like if your life a little bland for a second and you need something that's going to get your blood boiling by yourself. A little beach read, a little quick read. If you like a little sex on the side of your books. There's nothing about on the side. There's nothing about on the side. I just think if you need a good little thing. It's a good little beach read. You on vacation. And they don't go too deep. It ain't going to be like super deep erotica. It's very surface touch erotica to me for this one. Yeah. I feel like they might have had a couple. I mean, it was a lot of description. It was description, but that's not erotica. Like, there was not a lot of sexual scenes. It was. It was. It was like, I can count like two of them. It wasn't Fifty Shades. It wasn't Fifty Shades. Zayn has worse books. Yeah, and not worse. Not worse in a bad way. But more detail. More descriptive, if you will. So at the beginning, of course, they're going to tie you into that and then you get a whole whatever. But who is this book for, guys? I just don't think too much about it. So all my younger generation readers, don't think too deep into this book at all. Don't think too deep into it. Just read it for what it is. And it is a Black erotica love novel. Go into it like that. Hold on. Can I just real quick? We're going to have a whole segment on the different ways that legs call us old. Absolutely. It's not easy. No. Am I old too? Because I didn't catch none of that. I didn't feel it. Am I part of the old group? No. None of y'all are part of the old group. I'm not even saying y'all are old. We love that. Let me tell you. It's going to be... I'm fine. Me and Star are going to... We're going to host it. It's going to be a statement. We're going to clip up all the different ways that let's be like, these old... Right. The book is just a little dated. That's all. What you mean by dated? Okay, so for your generation, tell us how it's dated. I'm not... The conversation's a little... Yes. I'm not trying to generalize anybody. She's trying to generalize. I'm asking you to generalize. When we were talking about this book, the comment I made, I do think that when we get into the topic of sexuality, there are a lot of stereotypical pretenses that are put on people who categorize themselves in any spectrum of the LGBTQIA community. So, for example, Winston was bisexual. That was her thing. Whatever. She was very into that. Great. Be who you are. Love it. But I do feel like there is the stereotype of people who are bisexual being overly sexual. Promiscuous. Being promiscuous. Being I'm down for any and everything. All types. And I feel like That's a very detrimental stereotype to put on that group of people because that's something to put on any group to put on any group of people. And so that's what I mean when it's dated. So don't go into it with that mindset. And that was my one critique of the book. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. Yeah. But, you know, times have times have changed. Like society has evolved, you know. And it's where we, where we are today is not where we were, you know what I mean? Five years ago, 10 years ago. So that's fair, right? To, for it to be dated in that way. In that way. Yeah, that's fair. So, yeah, but very, very fun. Very spicy. Who's the book for? I think Zayn is for, I think Zayn is for everybody. Like, you know, like, It was my introduction. She was definitely my introduction to erotica. If I'm being honest, probably what allowed me to know that it was okay to be sexual as a female. You know what I'm saying? There's always this... And again, speaking culturally and how things have changed, I think when... I was when I was growing up, like, you know, the good girls, you know, you know, still to an extent, like you want to be the good girl. Right. In public and, you know, all of the things. But it definitely allowed me to be like, oh, I can I can know what I like as a woman, too. I can know what I enjoy as a woman. I don't have to just be involved for your sake. pleasure or benefit. You know what I mean? And that is very, very empowering for me. Like you were just an accessory to sex. Like you were just there for him. Absolutely. Yeah. And I've always been... The way they were talking in these books, them same books is... Yeah. But you've always been sorry. And I was always like confident, a confident female. But at that time, right? Like again, going into adulthood out of my parents' house and... working and, you know, interacting with different people and different experiences, it definitely empowered me for sure. So I think it's for anybody like that early stage, the later, the later stage. Don't do it. Yeah. Don't do it. Don't do it. You're like, well, I mean, my mom, I mean, at some point you had to have done it. Do you have anything else for me? Right. No, just don't come home pregnant. Yeah. You ain't got nothing. Yeah. But for me, that's, I'm like, So that same thing, like, you know, I'm, no one ever told me that as a female, I could take control of my sexuality and I can, I can have some suggestions, some, Hey, maybe a little bit to the left. It was just, okay, well you get what you get. You don't pitch a fit. Yes. Well, so the vibe and it's like, if somebody would have told me, I definitely could have taken a little bit control, like a little bit early, whatever. That's what I'm, I mean, so it's me when I, like, so the sex talk I have with my child, which I know she probably was like, this is too much. It is too much. I know mine be like, uh-uh. Let me tell y'all something. People be mad about Atlanta traffic. Let me tell you something. It is the best when you want to have them conversations with your kids because, hey, we gonna be in this car. Oh, guess what? Your practice is 45 minutes away. We got 45 minutes. You ain't got nothing to do but sit here and listen to me And I'm like, what you want to talk about? What you like? Who you like? What you want to do? Let's talk about it because... I didn't want the conversation to be, that's not the conversation I had, which was, ooh, don't do it. Like, ooh, it's bad. No, the thing is, it's good. That's why the f*** we're doing it. And it's healthy. It could be good. And it's healthy. And if it's not good, that's not the right person. And tell them, tell them what you like. As a matter of fact, you can't tell them what you like if you don't explore yourself a little bit. Like, ooh, you know what? This is it right here. But nobody not having no conversations so it's like but that i feel like and for me is because i think i discovered like i started reading you know i said it was like zane and like even like terry mcmillan and eric jones like all around same time it was like i was like you know maybe like a junior senior in high school and stuff and it was kind of like oh they talking about all kinds of stuff you know of course i'm like hiding from my mom or whatever it's not something i shared with her until i was like older but i always just wanted to be like let it like to let my daughter know like you're Girl, we talk... Hey, I'm the mom you can talk to about it. Yeah. And let me tell you some stuff. We're going to figure out some things, whatever this and that, because I don't want you to feel like it's something that is wrong. And the bottom line... If you're doing it and it's not feeling good, then you're not doing it right. So let's work on what... I'm going to say... That's not for you. I mean, you should do something that's going to feel good, like not doing it for... It's not like a job. I think about Color Purpose. Remember, she was like, I just lay there and... Right, right, right. No, it's supposed to be enjoyable for all of us. I can relate to that. So it is, it's like, hey, let's talk about it. Let's figure it out. And that is, that's what Zayn introduced me to. I do, I feel like, I'm like, it's for anybody who's like, who has an open mind and just want to, just escape for a little bit. Life is hard. Let's escape into a little bit of fiction for a little bit where all the men got big dicks and say the right things. Right. Not everybody wants a big dick either, though. Now we getting on really off topic. I do. But, but No, I do. Not everybody. That's going to be Black Girls Lit After Dark. We're going to do a special non-book related segment. So are we going to do a lit challenge or no? Or are we going to go ahead and... Oh, we got to do a lit challenge. On the wrap up of the show, we're doing a lit challenge. So the lit challenge for this week is going to be sexy fortune cookies. So on the spot, because they did not want to be prepped. So on the spot, you each have to give I'm opening up my sexy fortune cookie. And you each have to give what is it going to say when I open up my sexy fortune cookie? What the hell? I tried to pre-warn y'all, so y'all can be ready. So, like, this is something that's going to happen to you? It's a fortune. It's a fortune cookie. You know how fortune be like, tell me next week this will happen. Just some wise words, if you will. Okay, well... Okay, does somebody already have this? Y'all ready to give us an example because you told us what it is. Just like what some of you find in a fortune cookie? We've all had a fortune cookie before, right? Oh, okay. So tell the viewers and the listeners their sexy fortune. That's what you're doing right now. They're opening up their, they're opening up your sexy fortune cookie. I got it. Go ahead, Lex. Go Lex. Okay, we're opening it up. It's going to say, it is a delicate flower, not a DJ turntable. Come on. Okay. Namaste. Namaste. What's wrong with it being a DJ turntable? No. No. Okay, let's. No. Be gentle. A delicate flower. Oh, you're talking about something. Oh. Not a DJ turntable. I got my, I got my, you open up. Sis. Sis. You will go to heaven this week if only you give the right directions. Come on. Okay. Okay. Sometimes you got to tell them. Don't be afraid to tell them what you need. Okay. Okay. I like it. It's okay to ride in reverse. And with that... And with that, until next time. Next time, we'll be doing The Nightingale. The author's name is... Kristen Hanna. The Nightingale. The Nightingale by Kristen Hanna. The Nightingale. Until next time. Get a refill. We'll see you guys next time. Alright, y'all. Bye. Thank you for listening to the Black Girls Lit Podcast. Join us for our next pour and our next page, The Nightingale by Kristen Hanna. Make sure to like, subscribe, comment, and follow.