SPEAKER_02: 0:09

Hey boogie baddies, welcome to Black Girls Lit.

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With fine women, fine literature, and find libations collide. Step into the lit light.

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Black girls lit start now.

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Black women are so complex.

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Hello, everybody, and welcome to another episode of your favorite podcast, Black Girls Lit. I'm Lex. I'm Natasha. I'm Star. And Nicole is not with us again. All right, we're gonna jump right into this episode with our BGL cocktail of the month. Today's alcohol of choice, we are doing wine. We're being demure, we're being mindful, all of those things. So today we will be doing a BGL apple teeny spritz. So we will be using Sauvignon Blanc for those of y'all that like your white wines, as well as a little green apple vodka and club soda. Very simple. All right, ladies.

SPEAKER_03: 1:17

Cling, clean, cling, we in it. Oh yeah. It's giving summer, it's giving beach read. Are the waves calling me? And can I answer?

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It's very refreshing. Very refreshing. It's very good. And as always, y'all, if you want to get the recipe to this cocktail, please follow us on our social medias. Our Instagram handle is Black Girls Lit underscore underscore podcast. And our Facebook handle is Black Girls Lit Podcast.

SPEAKER_01: 1:51

All right, all right. And with that, we're gonna jump right in. So a little bit about the author. Her name is Zina Patel. She's a fairly new author. She's a passionate storyteller of women's fiction. Her debut book was Playa Vista Social Club, which was a psychological thriller. And her latest novel, which is our selection, is Wish You Had Told Me. Wish You Had Told Me is a story of friendship lost and reclaimed. And of course, a little love story intertwined. Okay. All right, ladies, let's start with our ratings.

SPEAKER_03: 2:20

Overall, how do we feel about it? As the ratings go. Cheers. We loved it. Sip. That means it was okay. It was good. Think about three stars. Babysit. We got through it, but it was a little bit hard, you know. And then send it back. You know that means send it back. We've all had one that we had to just send on back. So I'm gonna start. Um you know, it's so unlike me, but I wouldn't say I'm gonna say sip. I mean, it really is giving babysit leaning into sip, but I'm gonna say sip just because you know, you know, positive patty. You know me. I'm gonna say sip. I didn't truly love it, okay? I'm I'm gonna say that.

SPEAKER_01: 3:07

And we we'll talk more about it later. I'm gonna, I'm definitely going to agree with the sip. I think collectively, we have some new perspective on things that that changes the outlook and and how the book is perceived. So I'm I'm gonna sit this one as well. I'm gonna go ahead and babysit.

SPEAKER_02: 3:30

I yes, LifeStar said we did get some new perspective that we will go into that we didn't know until prior to reading the book. However, I'm still gonna babysit only because I just feel like it was a very messy book. Y'all, like it was written well, like she's you know, she's a good author, but I just could not the things that these women did in this book, the behaviors, the behavior, the deceit, the gaslighting, the ignoring the elephant in the like I, if this is supposed to be a story of friendship, I'm I'm getting friendship lost, heavy on the friendship lost. I just I honestly did not like this book. Like, I'm gonna just say it styles as though you could not relate, not at all. Oh, okay. Not at all.

SPEAKER_01: 4:33

It wasn't my cup of tea. When trying to be demuler goes wrong, not because of the style of the writing.

SPEAKER_02: 4:39

I do think that Zina told a good story that some could relate to. She was well written, but I just I did not like the storyline. I didn't like, I didn't like it. That's all. That's fair.

SPEAKER_03: 4:55

With that being said, let's go ahead and we'll start with okay. So we said we're doing wines this month, you know. Again, going along with our beach reads. We're out on the beach, we sip in the wine. We're gonna start off with the nice Sauvignon Blanc. We are pairing our Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc with a little shrimp cocktail, you know, to get every party started. All right, ladies. I honestly like the Sauvignon by itself. It's good.

SPEAKER_01: 5:22

Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. This is usually not my favorite white wine, but this one actually tastes pretty good.

SPEAKER_03: 5:28

Right, because you know, so Sauvignon Blanc is typically has like that crisp, zesty acidity with like that little bit of citrus flavor, and the shrimp is supposed to bring out that citrus and enhance the freshness.

SPEAKER_01: 5:41

It's a winner in my book. You can't go back, you can't go wrong with shrimp cocktail. I'm truly can't. A little white wine, it's it's definitely giving for me. It's a cheers to this pairing.

SPEAKER_03: 5:54

Yeah, the pairing is good. The pairing is the pairing is definitely giving what it's supposed to give. I like it a lot. Um again, I'm all I'm seeing is me on the beach with drinks, you know. It's okay, it must be summertime. Must be. All right, so let's go ahead and the book was actually set in the summertime too. Let's just jump right into our first question here. We don't want to give away too much. However, let's start with the fact we were trying to, like we said, trying to, it was about friendship loss and friendship reclaim. Were um the main character, Abra was were her expectations realistic? Like, let's keep them up. Do you want to explain to the people what her expectation was? Okay, the expectation was she had close friends that she had, you know, from I wasn't even before, were they like high school friends? And then I think college. Okay, so just college. Okay. See, I was I wasn't even sure about that. Okay, so they were friends for a long time. They were friends. Let's say college. Did they meet in college? Or were they middle school, elementary? I don't I don't know, but they knew each other for a long time. They knew each other for a long time. And then over the course of like whatever, they fell out. So she's about to turn this monumental 40, which, okay, that I'm a little bit about that whole, ooh, 40, like this whole, like that's a whole this whole thing for women, but okay. Either way, she was turning 40, so she wanted to reconnect and reclaim these friendships. So she books this whole Airbnb in Mexico, was like, hey, everybody come, all expenses paid, let's rekindle. Now she had not talked to these people, was it for like almost 10 years or something like that? 10 years. Like 10 years to think that they're just going to pull up, and again, she just sent them an email. Hey, you're invited to this all expenses paid trip to come join me to celebrate my 40th birthday. That was weird to me. Like it seems off the wall to think that people you've not spoken to in that long, and y'all, I mean, even if you don't can't even exactly explain why y'all fell out or whatever, to think they're just gonna pull up to celebrate your birthday. Yeah, it just seems like that was weird. Just to think, okay, we didn't have no conversation before. We have like, let's do a Zoom call to something. You just don't get the email to be like, hey, sis, haven't seen you in forever, but let's go share space together for a week. Yes, a lot. That's crazy. I I did not understand it. That that's where I was immediately confused, like, girl, what? No.

SPEAKER_02: 8:30

And I agree, and I think that was strike number one for me. Because I'm so sorry. And the book talks a lot, it set up Ava in a way where we were, we knew she was well accomplished, she had the money to spend. To me, it seemed like this trip and paying for these women to go was truly no skin off her back, right? And so maybe rich people problems. I can't relate. However, I know myself and how I what I expect out of friendship. And if I haven't talked to you for 10 years and we've fallen out over some serious things, which and in which we'll get into as we get into discussion, you know, can we go to coffee first? Like Tasha said, can we set up a Zoom call? Can we make sure that we're even still good? Can we make sure I have the right phone number?

SPEAKER_03: 9:30

It's been 10 years, you know.

SPEAKER_02: 9:32

So just to kind of send these women an email up out the blue saying, hey, it's my birthday, come to Mexico. I don't know what she was expecting from that. She expected to show up, which was her bad.

SPEAKER_01: 9:50

It was a lot for me because I could never. So there's a lot to be said about people who are just disconnected. Sure. And I think that was one of the things about her character is she was so focused on other things that maybe her perception and perspective, it didn't even dawn on her that this is probably awkward. Because it wasn't awkward for her in that moment, she could only think of what she wanted and what would be fun for her, and maybe not well, not even, I'm not gonna say maybe clearly not taking into consideration how anybody else might process that.

SPEAKER_03: 10:38

Why would she even think it was gonna be fun?

SPEAKER_01: 10:40

She has not spent time with these people in 10 years. Maybe, but but some people have that type, like that's their personality. Like it doesn't matter if we haven't we're celebrating me, like it's all about me, and it's gonna be great because it's me.

SPEAKER_03: 10:57

So maybe that's what people think in 10 years. I don't even know. 10 years ago, we was in the club popping bottles. Guess what? 10 years later, I I didn't, I don't even drink anymore. Okay. There's no way you think I'm the same person. I and I I can appreciate trying to recapture a moment, but even within myself, I'm like again, me trying to think about, oh, well, 10 years ago I was doing this and me trying to do it. Look, well, first of all, my knees gonna first of all tell me, you're you're not the same person. My knee be like, no, immediately. I mean, but be it on the real, real, 10 years now speaking, just to be like, again, hey, 10 years, I wanted like, I want to see you again. I had, you know, we were like really tight back in the day. I would love to reconnect and catch up with you. That's one thing. Come stay with me for a week out of the country. That's different. Girl, what did you do? I don't know which are you in the drugs? Is we're gonna be in the cartel coming? Are you like sex traffic me? Right. There are so many questions. We there is no, and I just don't know who, if all of a sudden I got an email from somebody I had not spoken to in two years, was like, hey, come to Mexico, I'd be like, Alvin, babe, what girl? I'm being scammed. I'm being scammed for sure.

SPEAKER_02: 12:21

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 12:22

And me and Alvin with Kiki, I would immediately delete and go about my business.

SPEAKER_02: 12:26

Right. And I think honestly, even if we were to take the time period out of it, and but of course, because we never want to give the book away because we want y'all to read it, you know, they their last encounter was some toxic, they did not leave that relationship as friends, as girls, on positive terms, and again, we'll get into it a little bit.

SPEAKER_03: 12:56

And so, again, just even if it had been 10 years versus a month, we're not cool right now because what she did at the end, how she which didn't come out deeper into the book, is to how the free she wanted to be like, oh, we just sort of drifted apart, she kind of just wanted to, she did some real messed up stuff. And so it's just like she did some foul stuff. Somebody really was not foul to her, exactly, she was wrong. And if we think about it, in severe without giving it away, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 13:29

She so even taking the 10 years, like the 10 years, okay. That's a long ass time, yes. You right? But also, like you, you did our friendship, relationship, our group literally exploded. Uh huh. And now you're gonna invite me out of the content. You know what I mean? Like, you're right.

SPEAKER_03: 13:51

It could have been last week or last year or today, but not. We're beating what she did, we definitely got beat.

SPEAKER_01: 13:58

Yeah, because who she did it to did not deserve it. This could be an on-site situation, literally, like, oh, oh, you're gonna pay for me to come, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 14:07

To come beat your ass? Yeah, yeah, got it. I'll be there. Let me get my passport.

SPEAKER_03: 14:13

You're right. I can almost let that I was stuck on the air. You ain't talking to me, but you're right. I forgot that it actually ended with her doing like some real like what? And now you're gonna invite me out the country like we're friends, and let's talk. I mean, we let's keep it a buck. Hey, for all our listeners, do not be going out of this country with just anybody because this thing, it's talking about it, friend. Don't I mean don't just travel with just anybody either because that'd be a whole thing. But when you out of the country, I mean, it's a little bit different, shit moves a little bit different, and y'all gotta be like on your head, let's wash it off for certain stuff, whatever. I mean, on the for real, for real, do not be going out of the country with just everybody. Everybody is not your friend. You need to really be knowing people just because you've been kicking it with homegirl at your job for like two or three months, and she like, hey, let's go to DR. Everybody's not your friend. You do not know everybody like that. And I feel like we don't all been watching the news and people been in some situations that we were like, what? And they left her. So for real, y'all do not be leaving this here, United States of America, just with with any homebody.

SPEAKER_01: 15:20

Everyone is not your friend. Stranger.

SPEAKER_03: 15:23

Just because we got passports do not mean that we that we the same. Like, hey, you know who you're traveling with. I mean, and that's that's on some real stuff, for real. Like to be going somewhere, like, and be like, oh, we're gonna be living together in even nice in close quarters. I'm not having dinner with just everybody. I'm for sure not traveling with just everybody. And and the truth is, I got some friends who I love dearly, like, hey, we we good. We good for like a two or three hour meal, we good for brunch. Are we good for two or three days? No. Are we good to go out of cut? No, you gotta build there's levels to this thing.

SPEAKER_02: 16:06

You can't just travel with anybody, and even outside of the what Tasha was saying, like, people are crazy, but even in friend groups, though, y'all, like you can't travel with everybody.

SPEAKER_01: 16:19

Um I'm visualizing visualizing the categories, like she goes, she came here, maybe a weekend trip, but surely not a week. Captain, cabin trip, I mean, maybe a cruise. No, no, no, she's over here. Yeah, dinner, dinner after work, drinks, yeah. Happy hour. Uh it's yeah, again, it's so true.

SPEAKER_03: 16:46

Like, I mean, again, y'all know I'll be drift off topic. Just real quick, like, no lie. I remember like me and Alvin at one point, because y'all, y'all know I'll be everybody's friend. And so I had like a friend, and her husband, it was like, he was like a hunter. And so I told Alvin, so she was talking about her and her husband and my husband, like, her husband invited Alvin to go hunting. And I was like, oh babe, I was like, you know, now we had been to dinner at their house and stuff, whatever. And so I thought they were like our friends. I was like, I don't know that man to be like in those woods with no guns in the woods.

SPEAKER_01: 17:20

Immediately, no, in the woods by ourselves with loaded guns. Like, I don't know that man like that. No, so now I'm accidentally shot, and it's just like, oh, it was a hunting accident. The no, no, no, nothing.

SPEAKER_03: 17:37

I did not see what it, but when he said it, now I'm looking back. I was like, because I was young and then I'm here by the friend. He was like, imagine Alvin's bait.

SPEAKER_01: 17:47

I'm not going in, no, what?

SPEAKER_03: 17:50

What? No. I was just saying, we had just moved to the area. We haven't, I'm trying to make us some friends. He was like, Natasha, I what? No, these are our friends. They live across the street. He goes hunting. You said you want to learn how to hunt. He said, I do not know him to be, and I didn't understand what he was saying, but now I get it. I get it. Period. So you learn something new every day. Moral of the story. Bless bless Mrs. Salta Harper from bless the women.

SPEAKER_01: 18:25

That baby was just trying to make some friends. We just well, we got here. He he goes to the woods and hunts.

SPEAKER_03: 18:30

You you don't know, you don't want to go. Now I know you cannot just go into the woods with just anybody. You don't just be you're not just be hopping your behind down across no borders with just anybody. Yeah. These are life lessons. These are things I'm saying. Hey, on the BGL podcast, we probably teach y'all little something, something. Message.

SPEAKER_01: 18:54

So let's let's take a deeper dive before we get into the next question. Our next pairing is going to be a rose. And we're going to pair that with some berries and cheese. And the berry selection that we have, we have some strawberries, some blueberries, some black berries, raspberries, and blackberries. And then we're gonna pair those with um a Brie cheese. Love a good Brie. Love Brie.

SPEAKER_03: 19:27

It's giving summer charcuterie. Your man take you on a little picnic. Picnics in the park. I'm just saying, get into it. Or are you taking yourself? Tasha, what you doing so much, some man taking you. Girl, if you and your homegirls don't pack y'all a basket and go out into one of these Atlantean parks and enjoy yourself with a little bit of brie and some fresh fruit. On the mind. Like, what are we doing? I Piedmond.

SPEAKER_02: 19:53

Right on the line.

SPEAKER_03: 19:53

Right!

SPEAKER_02: 19:54

Cute. It's cute. Demure. Minus. C. Okay, let me go. Let's try it, guys. Okay, Rosie.

SPEAKER_03: 20:02

One little blackberry. I like because Rose be a little, it's a little drier, which I like. Hold on, with the berries though, hold on. I wish y'all could see Starface because this thing is star be making the facial expressions. So before she even speaks, I already have her whole dialogue playing in my mind just for her.

SPEAKER_02: 20:24

No, that actually the berries take away the um the dryness. Like bite the berry and then drink it, and it will mute the dryness. But it also could be that I'm a little tipsy because you know what they say when the drink starts tasting like water.

SPEAKER_01: 20:41

That's problematic.

SPEAKER_03: 20:44

So I do believe that the apple teeny spritz, that's already hit lecturer. The apple teeny spritz. So on the summer, be mindful about that apple teeny spritz. It's it's coming through.

SPEAKER_02: 20:54

That's a good one. That's all liquor and water, so yeah. Let's be honest.

SPEAKER_01: 21:00

So I I I chose the strawberry because I'm not the biggest fan of blueberries, raspberries, or blackberries. I just they're not my jam. It's something with the seeds. The rose is also not a favorite of mine. I prefer red wines, so I am biased. However, I will say, with the strawberry, the rose for me is doable. Oh, okay. But it's it's more so about the flavor of the strawberry that I guess, like you said, takes away kind of there's a little bitterness to the rose that it takes it away. Yeah, it's just not my favorite.

SPEAKER_03: 21:40

But yeah, so can we talk about how this fresh fruit is in season? Let me tell you what, when you get like the seasonal fruit, when you got, oh, it's the summertime and berries are supposed to be eaten and with this rose. Y'all, I like it. Y'all better mess around, find me in a park all summer long. I mean, don't don't I do have to, I do have to worry, so I can't be in there all summer long. But on the weekend and in the off hours, find me in a park somewhere sipping on rose and eating fresh berries.

SPEAKER_02: 22:05

I don't know, y'all. It sounds like we're two for two. So many parts. We like the shrimp and the Sauvignon, and we liked the rose and the berries. I don't think we've been two for two yet. Back to back to where we've been like, yeah, I'll do it again. Look at us. The Brie, the Brie is doing but I love Brie, it's doing everything. I love Brie.

SPEAKER_01: 22:26

Yeah, the Brie and the Rose is good. But again, it's more so about the Brie and the Berry than the Rose.

SPEAKER_03: 22:30

Now, Brie might be my least favorite cheese. I looked really Brie. I love Brie. It doesn't have like I like my cheese to be like real sharp, be like, hey, here I am. Like, you know, no, I don't like I like my cheese to be like a little gangster, like what? She likes an aggressive cheese.

SPEAKER_01: 22:47

And I did find out something recently. I don't know if everybody knows this, or I am gonna share because I just found this out recently. The rind on the brie, you're you can eat it. Oh, I've been eating. Oh, yeah. A lot of people, like, I don't know if everybody knew that. Like, I've always eaten it, but not necessarily sure whether or not I was supposed to.

SPEAKER_02: 23:07

No, it was all big bags.

SPEAKER_01: 23:08

Yeah, like eat it all. If it wasn't edible, there would be some directions. Peel the s off. Yeah, so you can definitely eat the rind on Brie. It is a, but it it's a preference, I think, because it is a texture thingy, and it has a it has a different flavor than the actual cheese itself. So it's a preference. You don't have to, but you can.

SPEAKER_03: 23:31

Okay, not for none of this thing. I be, and I don't know if, well, I don't know who knows it or not, but Lex and I are actually related. And sometimes I feel our responses be coming out like I'm like, is it is it genetic? Because sometimes we be having like the same responses to other bots. We be here, like on the beef. Oh yeah. Eat all that. Eat it all. If it's on the plate, it's edible. What are we talking about? But what's the question? Me and my cousin, we be we be in sync on a lot of stuff. I don't know if it'd be genetic or just I don't know. But just just put it, we are related. We are, we are, but we're friends too.

SPEAKER_02: 24:11

That's why we're here. Anyway, start the question, because we're getting off. We're a little teed. We tend to do that. Okay.

SPEAKER_01: 24:20

So to Tasha's point, right? Going back, a lot of the disconnect for Ava came because she was on this, you know, this career path and you know, trying to accomplish some things with her career. So, in addition to the shenanigans, there were, you know, life things that took her away from these people and these friendships and maybe repairing or nurturing. So the question that I'm gonna pose is can you balance relationships while climbing a corporate ladder or building a business? What are your thoughts on that?

SPEAKER_03: 24:57

What is balance? Like, I'm gonna keep it 100% with you. Everybody keep talking about balance as a person with the husband, the children, the job, trying to like, you know, passion pursuit. What is balance? I feel like that's a question that women for sure always are posed with, like, oh, can't like the whole can you have it all? Can I say no without being without being crucified? Like, it is it's mad hard. You're gonna miss out on something. You cannot be doing everything all the time, you cannot be all things to all people, and even and that includes even to yourself all the time. And I think even I remember like Shonda Ron's talking about it. She was like, hey, the same time she was out here accepting an award for such and such, she was missing something like for her daughters. And I mean, you it is hard. And when you were sometimes so set on, which I think Ava in the book, she knew what her goal was, and she was so set on that goal. So she was like missing stuff with friends. So even if she hadn't fallen out with them for you know specific reasons, sometimes it's like you keep getting invites and you're like, Oh, I can't because of ooh, I got work, I got clients, I got this and uh, and then your friends are only gonna give you so many passes on a then they're gonna stop inviting you, yeah. And then you look up and you realize, oh, I made it to the top, hey, and you call everybody to your um name again. Right, you call everybody to come to your celebration, you're like, hey y'all, I just I just I was on Forbes top five 500, and they like you like, I'm sorry, who is this?

SPEAKER_01: 26:43

Right, the number you have reached is no longer.

SPEAKER_03: 26:48

Because again, like you, because and and not that you not that they weren't on your mind, but at some point you stopped being on their mind because they kept inviting you, but you kept pushing them to the side because you were hey, you on that you on that corporate ground or you're in your business building ground, whatever, which I definitely can admire, but life is still going on again, people gonna stop inviting you, and you're gonna have like this disconnect. Or even if they not, even if you are not like, oh, well, it's been 10 years, even sometimes you somebody who you a site with, and you just keep putting, oh no, no, yeah, let's get together next month. Like I said, even I mean, hell, like it's it's four of us on the podcast, and even us trying to coordinate our schedules to be like, hey, one day in a month where we can all get together. Yeah, it's hard. People's schedules be hard. My always question is what's balance? What would that look like?

SPEAKER_02: 27:44

Well, and also I think to pose like a more pinpointed example, this is something me and my my really good friend from grad school have been talking about. For those of y'all that don't know, I work in higher ed, so I work with college students. She was talking to me about the type of job I'm in, I have gotten extremely close to my coworkers. Like, I didn't know these people, and within a year, they're invited to my wedding. Like, we go together real bad, right? And so she had talked to me about, okay, Lex, you know, you're a couple of years ahead of them in your career. What is that relationship gonna look like when you are now supervising your friends? And she had me stunt like stuck with that question because I've never I've never thought about what that would look like. And I think this question, you know, speaks to that. Is how do you do that? How do you manage those relationships that you had when y'all were in the trenches together, y'all are doing the same things, where now, oh, I'm your boss, but I'm your girl too, but also I'm your boss, so I need you to do what I'm asking you to do, even though I know we were we were drunk the night before, but there's still a deadline today, right? Yeah, and I need you to deliver, and I don't think still I can't answer that question because I don't know. That's hard.

SPEAKER_01: 29:20

I think it's about respect. So, and I'll come back to that in a second, but to answer the question, can you balance? I think yes, you can. And I think the way that you do that, it people make time for the things that they want for sure. What for what's important, what's important to them, and they prioritize the things that are important to them. So there's 24 hours in a day. Is there time? Yes, there's time. Is it always going to be convenient? Maybe not, but that's where the strength of the relationship outweighs the perceived burden of the thing, right? That you have to do. So that's the relationship piece of it. From a corporate standpoint, again, same thing. Like, can you balance it? I'm speaking from my own personal experience. Yes, you can. What does that look like? Right? What does it actually look like in practice? Is gonna be different for everyone. So there was a long period of time where I was working remote before working remote was a thing. So pre-COVID, all of the things. And it was, I didn't realize at the time, but looking back, it was a blessing in disguise because I was always able to be there for my son. Like, always. I was there for everything. Like I never had to miss a game, I never had to miss a function at school, I never had to miss a meeting, I never, you know, had to miss things because I was able to still work and manage my work expectations and be wherever else I needed to be, right? But does that mean that there were not some nights where we were out of town at a basketball tournament and when everybody was asleep, I was up on my computer at three o'clock in the morning? Yes. But for me, that's what balance looked like. That was my sacrifice for being able to be at all of his games and to travel, you know, with him. So I think it's it's all it's an end, it's based on the individual. But the yes or no question, yes, you can balance.

SPEAKER_03: 31:46

Okay, but you were giving, so you're balancing work and your job. Were you also at that same time building relationship and maintaining friendships? Platonic friendships?

SPEAKER_01: 31:58

So, yes. Okay, platonic. Okay, so we thought we see you. We see platonic, platonic relationships and romantic relationships. Yeah, like I was in a relationship. Are you writing a guide for the rest of us? I might, I might could, I might could. It it'd be a few years from now, but it it could be coming. Don't look out for star. But yeah, all the things, and again, not to say that did some things suffer. Yes, they did, but that was a conscious choice and decision that I made, right? So now come full circle. In this moment of my life right now, my son's 21 years old. I'm not in a relationship, in a romantic relationship right now. My answer is I've got nothing. I don't I don't have anything for anybody. It's all about me. Period. There is no compromise, there is no no. If okay, it's either yes, I want to do it if it serves me, or it's no. That's good question. And that's and that's just like okay.

SPEAKER_03: 33:06

I think I learned something. I gotta say, they owe me, they owe me.

SPEAKER_02: 33:10

Okay, not even on you, no, no, no, not even on you, because I just wanna I want to understand. So, were you able to balance that with how do I want to say this? Because I don't want to get canceled. Were you able to balance this with friends that may not have been on the same trajectory as you were on? So, I'm gonna give you an example. Let's say you had a homegirl, y'all have been close since you were in diapers, and let's say you moved away from your home and you started a life somewhere else. And let's say that friend is still doing the things that she was used to y'all doing in high school. Were you still able to maintain that friendship, even though let's say you were at a director level, or like just somewhere higher to where it's like, I'm not worried about that high school shit no more. Or I'm not worried about this, the same shit we were on when we were kids. We're adults now. Like, yeah, were you able to maintain those friendships, or were those the ones you had to choose to let go because you were some somewhere else in life?

SPEAKER_01: 34:28

So some of those friendships I maintained, some of them I didn't, but it didn't have anything to do with. So I'm very, I'm very professional, is is this over here, and personal is this over here. Okay, so you can compartmentalize. I am very much that person, and I I say it jokingly all the time. But that's a skill, yeah, and I say it jokingly all the time, but I mean like Danique is one person, star is a completely different person, and that is how that is how I accomplish that, right? So Danique doesn't dictate who star's friends are and who star interacts with, and vice versa. Like star doesn't dictate, right? There's there's some crossover every now and then, but I am able to keep them separate to an extent. So I don't choose, I don't, Danique doesn't get to choose who star hangs out with because after five, yeah, when I leave the building, if I leave the building early, like guess what? The amount is over there. So it's not a thing for me. So the relationships that I have lost during that growth period, during that transition, didn't have anything to do with my career, if you will. It was strictly the relationship, right? And what whatever it wasn't giving or serving at that time. And then the other piece, so you talked about how does it how does it look when you go from being colleagues and co-workers to now. I'm a superior, yeah. Respect, right? Respect, period. If they respect you, then it's I'm gonna respect you at work too. I'm gonna respect what the work that they know because they're your friend, the work that they know you put in to get to, right, or acquire the position that you're in, they're gonna respect that. And if that's not something that they can figure out or process, then they they probably need to find somewhere else to work. Right. Right.

SPEAKER_03: 36:32

And not even just respect what you're saying. I'm gonna help you. Hey, I exactly I I'm proud of you for being at that next step. Yeah, and so now even though you're my boss, what I mean to do is show up and show out for you, not only because you're my boss, but because you're my friend, and hey, I'm proud of you, which is a a lot, everybody not there for you, like that. Yeah, yeah, you gotta recognize jealous spirits. Now, what this what I heard from you though, when you were talking about, you know, like the whole yes, you can balance. I think, and where I think some of us mess up it is we think that balance is figuring out a way to do everything. And you can't. The thing is, facts of the matter is it ain't number 24-7. Talk about it. Right now, I know Mary that came out and saw, hey, I wish it was 25-8. It ain't. It's 24-7. You cannot change that. So the thing is, I only have there's only 24 hours in a day. You are not gonna be able to do everything. So being like, hey, I was here, I was there, but hey, I wasn't able to do this, I do feel like like that's a whole thing. And when that is area, I feel like where I do sometimes struggle with it, because I'm trying to be all things for all people all the time. And that 24-7 is not changing. Can really get us on a tangent. And then it's not even possible.

SPEAKER_01: 37:54

The thing is, it's not humanly possible. So then you end up failing at everything because you're trying to do too much, and it's like, well, that's not even that doesn't even make sense. So this week I can come to your event. Like next month, I'm gonna have to spend some time over here and do this thing, right? But constantly trying to do everything, you you end up failing at everything. You you even end up failing yourself. It's burnout, it's burnout. Now I'm burnt out. It's giving me nobody nobody likes me. I don't like anybody. I hate all my friends, all my friends hate me. Like it's now nah, it's it's bad.

SPEAKER_02: 38:38

It's bad.

SPEAKER_03: 38:39

It's giving, it was a failure all the way around.

SPEAKER_02: 38:42

All the way around. Well, let's get into the next one. Fail, fail, fail. All right, y'all. So the next pairing we have is Pinot Noir. I know some of y'all like Pinot. I like I look I love me a little dark red, a little dark red. So we're gonna pair the we're specifically drinking 12 crimes. Oh, 19 crimes. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03: 39:06

Girl, we did all the crimes.

SPEAKER_02: 39:08

Job 12 to 19 crimes or just 19. Or just 19. Honestly, I hope none of y'all, none of our listeners have done any crimes. Anyways, 19 crimes, Pinot, and we are going to pair it with a dark chocolate and sea salt.

SPEAKER_03: 39:31

Which I will say they do say that dark chocolate and the red one. And a red. If you're just a wine drinker, if you're just starting out drinking wine, I will say people be like, oh, wine, like they do not like it from jump. Like red wine is too much. I had to grow into that. They typically start out with like a sweeter, like a little moscato or something. And you'd be like, come on now. But once you actually graduate and you get when you get to the red wines, then you can't even slide back.

SPEAKER_01: 39:58

Because moscato is way too sweet.

SPEAKER_03: 40:00

Oh my, it's like hoolay. Like, what are y'all doing?

SPEAKER_02: 40:02

I mix it with the red wine.

SPEAKER_01: 40:06

But that's because I'm crazy. Not because I was like, that's so overkill, like unnecessary. Unnecessary as hell. Like, I don't think that's okay. Y'all remember 28 years? Wait, I thought she was gonna say she mixed it with uh like an a liquor or something or a champagne or it not with a white wine, not all that. But I will put a little tequila in my Moscato.

SPEAKER_03: 40:29

That's all I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02: 40:31

But I will mix like a strong red with a Coke. Have y'all tried like red wine and Coke? No. Okay, never mind. All right, so we're drinking the Pinot with um our dog chocolate is infused with sea salt. So cheese clean friends, cheese, cheese. So if y'all don't know, a Pinot is a light to medium-bodied red wine. You should be tasting a little bit of hint of berries. It should also be a little earthy, just a little bit. And of the earth, just a little bit, you know.

SPEAKER_03: 41:15

Okay, not for nothing. It never matters what the third parent is by the time we get never. I don't like it personally. Oh, okay. At this point in any pairing in book, I don't like it at all. The third one I thought we liked. Oh, Lex is like, mm-mm, it's a no automatically.

SPEAKER_02: 41:36

You don't like the wine, or you don't like the chicken? I don't like the pairing, but I also y'all do not like dark chocolate. I don't like bitter things. My palate has not matured to like bitter things, anyways. How y'all like the wine?

SPEAKER_03: 41:53

How do y'all like the wine? I like them both. I like my I like my wine, my chocolate, and my men strong. I'm screaming. I love y'all.

SPEAKER_02: 42:03

Okay, so as you're tasting the wine and the chocolate, the chocolate should bring out the earthy undertones. And it also should enhance the red berry. It does. Because Pinot has red berries in it. Are y'all feeling the enhancement? Yep. Of the red berry. I am feeling everything you want me to feel, Lei. I don't believe Tasha, but it's okay.

SPEAKER_03: 42:32

Damn it. Tipsy Tasha always show up at the end of at the last segment. She's gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_01: 42:36

I totally hate this parent. I love so the Pinot is great. I like it. And I don't typically like Pinot. It's not my favorite. I hate Pinot, but this one I do like actually. The Pinot is great. And the dark chocolate, I can actually taste the sea salt in it a little bit.

SPEAKER_02: 42:57

You have a good palate. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 43:00

I'm not a lover of dark chocolate, but I will say that um when I was doing my um my weight loss stuff, dark chocolate is better than the darker, the better for your diet purposes.

SPEAKER_01: 43:12

Yes, it's it's definitely less points.

SPEAKER_03: 43:14

I mean, now mind you, if you're drinking wine, you clearly are not concerned about your points, but just in case if you're drinking red, in case you were worried about your balance, do your little red wine and uh some dark chocolate, it is less points, period.

SPEAKER_02: 43:30

So speaking of dark and stormy, essentially all the folks are in Mexico, right? All the girls came after we talked about how I wouldn't come, they all came, right? That matters, right? And so it came out that Ava, our main character, she knew from jump that her best friends, she was in the wedding. Ava was in the wedding, her best friend's man whom she was getting married to had been cheating on her. She knew that was a low-down n, but she didn't say anything. And she sat up. Actually, she didn't even come to the wedding because she knew that was cheating. So the question I pose is was Ava wrong with how she handled that situation? Was she wrong for not showing up? Was she wrong for not telling her friend that her man was stepping out on her? What say y'all?

SPEAKER_03: 44:39

I'm gonna say this. If you know that your friend's man is cheating, you gotta say something. Now, in every situation of somebody cheating, do you say something? No. Um, it really depends on a relationship. But her relationship was with, she had a relationship with her best friend. Hey, that's my best friend. If there's there's no one in our circle, in our orbit, if anything I know that's gonna harm my best friend, I'm telling.

SPEAKER_02: 45:10

Period.

SPEAKER_03: 45:11

So even if I said, oh, well, it's it turns out it's another friend, whatever, if it's gonna harm, especially if we to the point where I'm your maid of honor. Like, again, we have history. We like we're tight. I'm gonna tell you, like, I walked in and saw, hey, I saw Susan with da da da with Humboldt. And then I'm gonna also be there for you for whatever we gotta do. If bitch, hey, we slashing time, we can't call, we cutting people, whatever it is. But it also has the same token, if I tell you, and you say, hey, we still walking down this aisle, okay, that's fine too. All right, well, let me let me get my bouquet together and shit, all right? Because again, I'm here for you. I'm your friend, I'm not here to judge. But I am gonna tell you, it's not gonna be on me to be like I knew something that could potentially harm my homegirl and not say something. Like, that's just not who I am. Again, I know other people have different approaches, and that's it's that's fine, this not. But for me, if I know something that is going to bring that could harm my friend, or I feel like I'm gonna say something. Yeah. And then I'm also gonna be there for that friend to support them and do whatever I gotta do after the fact.

SPEAKER_01: 46:32

The first time. The first time, the one and only time, if we're finding out together that your man is cheating on you, I'm gonna have a conversation with you. But if there's any precedent that has been set, meaning, if you have ever called me and cried to me, and girl, if we've ever rolled out and busted windows and slashed tires, not to bust the window, pulled up on old girl and her and her friends, like, what's the did you know that this was my man? If we've ever done any of that, no, like you obviously know who your man are cool with it. Like, you know what it is, you've accepted it. It's not my place because you'll end up having a problem with me, right? Because now I'm I'm the hater in the situation. Like, girl, I know my man be cheating. Like, mind your business. But so if it's a if it's a first time thing, you've never, you've never told me like you think he's cheating or you caught him cheating, and I find out something, I'm absolutely gonna be like, so I don't know how you're gonna take this. And however you wanna handle it, however you want to deal with it, I'm here for you, I'm gonna support you through it. But this is what this is what I saw, this is what I know. It'll never be what I heard. I'm never gonna I'm never gonna do that. Like, oh, I heard this or I heard that about your man. Like, I'm not doing that. That's weird.

SPEAKER_02: 48:04

You're coming with hot facts.

SPEAKER_01: 48:05

This is what I know. This is what I saw, this is whatever. One time, only one time. Because once you accept, once you accept it, then oh, that's that's that's what you're okay. That's what y'all do. And I and being your friend, if you like it, I love it. So that's kind of my take on it.

SPEAKER_03: 48:28

But also, hey, I I may have you on some bail money the first time you go and you fuck your shit up, y'all get into issues. Please understand, I'm never gonna be in the cell with you because we because we went to fight him. Because again, you already accepted. So why are we going to fight him? Now we both sit in this shit, and also again, I'm not gonna have I'm not, I don't have bail money for you.

SPEAKER_01: 48:49

Like, I just yeah, and I that's your thing, not multiple talks.

SPEAKER_02: 48:53

And I also think that that was my issue because in the book, Ava's friend, she was getting married, right? And the man that her friend was marrying hit on Ava. He, you know, he wanted to know what's up. And I hear Star when she says, I'ma tell you one time, and you do what you do with that. And I and I agree with that, I absolutely agree with that, and I think that's what my problem was with this story, is that Ava never said anything. She never said anything, she never told her friend, hey, this man you're about to go down the aisle with and be in marital bliss with, he tried to f me. Period. He tried to f me. Oh, you love him? You love him? Let me tell you about him. She never, she never told her friend that, and it was prior to the wedding date, so she could have told her friend that hey, this is what happened with me and your man, and I just wanted to let you know, and I think that's where she went wrong.

SPEAKER_03: 50:11

Right, because I agree to keep walking down the aisle, that's fine, exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 50:15

So I agree with Tasha. If I ever had a friend whose man was acting egregiously, grossly towards me, I'ma tell you. But the fact that Ava never opened her mouth and said, Hey, your man tried to do XYZ, that's problematic. And instead of telling her friend, she just opted to just not be in the wedding. And if I remember correctly, Ava was was she the maid of honor in the wedding? I feel like she had a big part. And so I feel like that's where she turned wrong. That's what made the whole situation wrong. Now, if she had told her and her friend said, Fuck you, I don't care, I love this man, cool. We're cool, whatever, marry him, be happy. But she never even told her friend that that was the issue until 10 years later.

SPEAKER_03: 51:15

10 years later. So you I can tell you, I could walk down the aisle with you. I mean, if I tell you and you still, hey girl, let me hold this little bouquet, let's do it, whatever. This I'm here for you now. Again, I ain't gonna build money when you cut his tires. That's your business, right? But I'm gonna am I gonna be in these pictures and be cute with you? Literally, sure, hell the f no.

SPEAKER_02: 51:38

And so, and spoiler, y'all can fast fast forward through the next 15 seconds because spoiler alert. The fact that it didn't come out until the what, until 10 years later, that yeah, your man tried to get at me, and now we're tussling, now we're fighting, now we're beefing, is crazy to me.

SPEAKER_03: 52:02

What kind of friend are you? And I would not have forgiven you because again, if you knew that my fiance, if my fiance hit on you, you didn't tell me, and you let me walk down the aisle him, so now he's out here sleeping with XYZ and anybody else. It's your friend group. He's he's but he's he with everybody else. So at that point, I'm like, sis, why you let me marry him? Because this is the thing.

SPEAKER_01: 52:33

Made a community.

SPEAKER_03: 52:34

Even if I have to stop a wedding, even if I've already, I'm gonna lose my deposits, this, that, whatever. Let me tell you what, then deposits is gonna be less than anything when it comes to splitting my assets. Because when I miss you talking to a lawyer about because what I am already be is a big boss, so I done went out here, we done had kids, I done built up my business, I got a whole career. Now I got splitting half my shit with you. I definitely wish my homegirl would have just told me that's you as a fright, and I could have just forfeited, I could have just forfeit on them deposits for them wedding deposits because fam. I'm sorry y'all done came into town. I thought I was getting married. Turns out this dude ain't sh wedding is canceled. However, I've not already paid for this dance hall for the reception, pop it off, pop it, let go. Um like you should have told me that. Now, if you wouldn't have told me, and I still was like, well, I'm gonna marry him anyway, that's on me. Then I deserve to have to split half of my whatever half of my BOS money. You made a knowledgeable decision, right?

SPEAKER_02: 53:45

Exactly, but give me that choice, like tell me, and that's what brings me to the point because we have been hinting to the point of if I had known the author was what she was, I would have seen this from a different point of view, right? So, y'all, we thought we thought the author was a black woman, and that's why we were like, oh hell no, I would never since we would never read the whole T is she's not, and so I don't not necessarily thinking that black women have a higher standard than others, but I do think in the book, how everything had played out the way that it did, if I had known that the author was not a black woman, I think I would have seen the book from a different perspective, right? We had talked about that, and I agree.

SPEAKER_03: 54:41

Now we'll say that because I mean let's just keep it a bug. As far as like, hey, the whole hierarchy of growing up is being like, hey, black in America, black women have been like in the bottom of it. That's the end, but in recent years, we in a whole different era of like, you know what? Turns out we smart as hell, we fine as hell. We is not, we just like we have a different standard of life, whatever. So when we when black girls live read a book, and we still do not understand how we all thought it was like COVID was death, the assumption was he was a black foster, and like and all the women was like characters, which again, we don't know how we came up with that, but we all thought the same thing. And we was like, Did she really like we was coming at from our own point of view? There was no way, so we did judge judge it based off of that, off of race, um cultural, cultural perspective, right?

SPEAKER_01: 55:37

For fact, cultural perspective, and because all of us as black women was like, well, hell no, yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 55:46

Because where we are now in 2025, the way, because again, and I mean, not for nothing, for anybody listening, this and that, we have been held down for a long time. We've been at the bottom of it, but in the last three years, we were like, Chop, we this is who we are, we here, love it, like it, don't love it, we don't even care. We here, and it is what it is. We could not understand the whole storyline, which is a lot of the reason why the ratings that we get, but stepping back, we're like, oh, okay, so maybe maybe it's a cultural thing.

SPEAKER_01: 56:26

We don't know, yeah. So I think that's and there's a lot to be said, you know, for that in the end, is as we as we go on this journey of Black Girls Lit, right, we're going to, we're going to bring different authors, different stories, and all of that. And I think what we've learned in this is that we'll do our best to acknowledge that, right? Acknowledge that and share that. Because there are going to be, there are going to be some things that just don't align culturally, right? And we can we can talk about those things, right? We can talk about those things, we can acknowledge them, and we can address them, and we may learn something along the way.

SPEAKER_03: 57:18

And I think because like the whole idea of being like, oh, well, you know, ooh, we're all the same or we all think the same, is it's not right. I mean, that's that's not that's not true. And when you see it through somebody's looking, it's like, oh, because we all do come from different perspectives, different life understanding that our views are gonna be, are going to be different. So for sure, and but but I mean, not for nothing. At the end of the day, my review on the book is still the same. Like, girl, did you really think what? Right, right, right. Still, my perspective the same.

SPEAKER_01: 58:02

It's still enough. It's enough. Yeah. So at the end of the day, as with as with everything, we definitely encourage and read the book. Read the book. Read the book. You should read the book.

SPEAKER_02: 58:17

Because still, we skimmed the surface. There's so much, y'all. It's a lot, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01: 58:21

And let us know what you think. For sure. So as we come to a close, this month we're going to do an a hot take. And oh Lord. What a what a hot take is, we're gonna share, share with you all is just our commentary on what's trending, what's trending in the the internet universe. So here's my letter to the people. Tell us. Our letter to the people. Tell us. Dear internet people. Just a few months ago, y'all were dragging Miss Young Blue Ivy for being stiff and not knowing the dances. And that's Blue Ivy Carter. Blue Ivy Carter. Beyonce's daughter. Thank you. Now all of a sudden, is oh, our internet niece. She out here killing it. She's slaying. We see you. And we're not impressed. Not at all. So we see you. We see you. Now all of a sudden she's the our internet niece. But y'all was just dragging her a couple months ago.

SPEAKER_02: 59:26

And let's remember, Blue Ivy is still barely in adolescence.

SPEAKER_01: 59:31

Yes, 13.

SPEAKER_02: 59:32

And y'all were dragging her in that way. Because I guarantee if some of y'all 10-year-olds got in front of the world the way Blue Ivy got in front of them, she would have done no wrong. But instead, some of y'all, some of y'all internet people decided to drag that person that was young, a young adult.

SPEAKER_01: 59:57

A baby, let's call them a baby. So and she's but she is coming into her own, she's killing it like she is slaying. Y'all see, y'all see who on the timeline? Our internet niece, Miss Blue Ivy Carter. We love you. We see you. We love you. I'll be at the concert. Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:00:14

I'll see you uh what the 14th? I'm going to the 14th show in Atlanta.

SPEAKER_01: 1:00:21

I'll see you. See you then. And then so our next book for next month, we're going to be doing Children of Blood and Bone by Tommy Adayeme. We encourage you and invite you to get the book, read along. It's gonna be great. We promise. Until next time. This is us. Cheers.

SPEAKER_02: 1:00:44

Have a good one, y'all.

SPEAKER_00: 1:00:48

Thank you for listening to the Black Girls Lip Podcast. Join us for our next pour and our next page, The Children of Blood and Bone, by Tomi Adayami. Make sure to like, subscribe, comment, and follow.