Black Girls Lit!
Unfiltered, unbothered, and always lit! Whether it’s literature, libations, or life--Black Girls Lit is your new favorite vibe with page-turners and poured spirits.
Black Girls Lit!
The Twelfth Pour: Second Chance Christmas
We’re closing the year the only way we know how—curled up with a good story, a glass in hand, and our full selves in the room.
In our final episode of the season, the BGL crew dives into Second Chance Christmas by Jahquel J., a cozy-but-spicy holiday romance that wraps the year in all the warmth and messiness we needed. It’s about love that gets a do-over, forgiveness that costs something, and the soft landings we hope to find after a year that stretched us.
This isn’t just about mistletoe and snowfall. It’s about the kind of emotional unpacking that happens around the holidays—when old wounds bump up against new chances, and when family, love, and memory meet at the dinner table.
As we reflect on the year behind us, we find ourselves asking: What would it mean to give someone a second chance? What would it mean to give one to ourselves?
Whether you’re spending your holidays in community or solitude, this episode is our gift to you. Consider it a warm seat by the fire, a gentle exhale, and a reminder that your story doesn’t end with what broke—it continues with what you choose next.
Come for the book. Stay for the conversation. 💫
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Hey boogie baddies, welcome to Black Girls Lit.
SPEAKER_02:Where fine women, fine literature, and fine libations collide. Step into the lit life. Black girls lit starts now.
SPEAKER_03:Black women are so complex.
SPEAKER_02:Hey y'all, it's Natasha. It's Lex.
SPEAKER_01:It's Stephanie.
SPEAKER_02:And star. Welcome back to Black Girls Lit Podcast. Happy holidays, everybody. Hi. Hello. We're coming to you today with all of the holiday cheers that this time of year brings. And I am so excited for it because this December I'm going to be a G Ma. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. He's due actually the 22nd. So I'm really hoping he comes before Christmas because I already have our Christmas pajamas planned. And um, I would hate for him to already begin on my nerves.
SPEAKER_01:Throw a wrench in the or he could be born on 1212. That's my birthday. Lots of celebration. I'll share. Sharing is caring.
SPEAKER_02:God actually fitted with my timer, so I'm good with that. Okay, okay. All right, friends. We are coming to you today with all of our Christmas cheer and cocktails. Let's go ahead and tell the people what we are featuring this month.
SPEAKER_04:Hello, fookish baddies. We hope you're well. Today we are going to be talking about everything vodka, but we're putting a twist on what we normally do. So, those of y'all that were here with us day one, y'all know we usually do one uh featured liquor type and then we try different brands of said liquor. Um, but now we're gonna try something a little different, ladies. So we are featuring one vodka this episode, but then we have it in various different forms and cocktails. Today we are doing Belvere vodka. So to tell you a little bit about Belvivir vodka, it is a super premium, super premium, because we're not on the bottom shelf, we don't do bottom shelf liquors here. Um, super premium Polish vodka. So it is known for being a hundred percent Polish rye grain, and it is quadruple distilled. That's a lot of destillation. I'm not sure if that's a word, but it is today and in this episode. So it's quadruple distilled and it is additive free, which means she is organic, it's almost like a health food.
SPEAKER_01:It's healthy. That's what we're gonna make.
SPEAKER_04:Like a super green, maybe. I mean, hey, we'll see. It is outside of being organic, because we're all about being healthy on this podcast. It also has a creamy feeling in your mouth. Um, you should feel it. We'll see. Let's see if we get that. So everyone, don't don't throw your shot back. Just we're gonna taste it. We'll taste it and do it.
SPEAKER_01:We're gonna be we're gonna be ladies. Ladies.
SPEAKER_04:Cheers.
SPEAKER_02:Tasha likes it. Now it's sweet. I like it.
SPEAKER_01:It's like, yeah, it's good.
SPEAKER_02:I'm not really getting like this.
SPEAKER_03:I mean that afterburn that vodka sometimes gets used. It's definitely I don't think the Belvedere from the 90s. I don't, I don't know. Well, you know, this one's organic. Yeah, you know, this one's organic. Now that it's gone super food and off, I feel like it tastes a little different. I don't know, you know, but yeah, it it's it's smooth. I'm not mad at it.
SPEAKER_04:So our first pairing that we're gonna do right out of the gate is with a Polish food. Well, actually, all of our little treats today are Polish inspired foods and treats and dishes. So as we taste our Belavir vodka, we're going to try some pierogis, which is a Polish treat. Let's try it out. Like a little meat. Yeah. So the pierogis, it's not sweet. It's supposed to have meat and potatoes and this little pot pocket type thing. If not, it's supposed to pair, but it also pairs with some of our sweet treats. But we'll do this first. And as we're snacking, Steph, do you want to tell us about the book and the author?
SPEAKER_01:Yes, let me tell y'all about Jekel J, Second Chance Christmas. It's a heartfelt holiday romance about reunions and healing. The story follows Faith Stone, who returns to her small hometown of Sagebort after 15 years as a divorced single mother. Known for being the daughter of the town drunk, Faith bore the weight of gossip and grief in her youth until grief and heartbreak on prom night drove a wedge between her and Rome Atkins, her high school love. Now their paths cross again amid the festive season, reawakening emotions they both thought they'd long buried. Jacquel J has been writing since spring of 2014 and has an impressive catalog of titles under her belt. She's best known for her Delgado family series, Staten Island Love Letter, and Confessions of a Hustler's Housekeeper. A trailblazer in her own night, Jaquel made history by reaching number one in the world on the Kindle store charts. She is married to her high school sweetheart and proudly embraces her role as sister mom to her younger siblings.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, sister mom. Okay, the Babel Dair with the little meat pie, little potatoes. How do you like it? I see. They do a little something in in Poland. It's kind of good because I never had a pierogi before. And I'm not gonna lie, this thing. I did have to, you know, make these by the directions on on a box, you know, I was trying to do a little something. I may not have these may not be like the best pierogies in the world, but I'm still gonna be like, I'm I'm here for the parents. If I went somewhere and somebody offered me something, I can I can get down with it. You know what you're talking about. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:But they are from a Polish bakery, so it's not like you went to public and decided like they're authentic in their own. Yeah, they are absolutely. And it's almost like the like um, you know how different cultures have like their empanadas, or you know what I mean? Like it's almost like the Polish, I would call it. That's what it's similar to. So yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, y'all. It is time for the rating. What do we feel about this book? Y'all know we coming in at cheers, if we loved it, sip, babysit, or send it back. Okay, out the gate. I'm gonna tell y'all right now. This I'm gonna shock y'all. I'm seriously coming in with a babysit. Like it's so untasha-like. Y'all know I be out here loving everything. Oh my god. I'm we're gonna have to get into it. I my God, today. It was really a babysit for me. Really? It really was. I'm gonna say, it's it's a good one. It only took 10 books that I needed. It it was just a little too cutesy for me. It was it was not for me. I could have used a little more realness to me. What did y'all think?
SPEAKER_04:Not that I shot the world thinking about my rating. Because I was full-on gonna give it a um a sip. Only because was it deep in any way, like you said? Absolutely not. But it was like a tender little little holiday book. Like it definitely reminded me of just like your Hallmark movie. Nothing like too, too special about it, but it wasn't like terrible. Like, I enjoyed reading it. I don't know if I would add it to my personal collection, but like I think it was a cute book. So for what it is, I would give it a sip. I don't know if it was necessarily supposed to be deep or have any like life lessons.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I wish we could do a 2.5.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, maybe I would have done that.
SPEAKER_01:Steffi in between babysit and sip, Tasha used a word about it a couple weeks ago, talking about it was a little too perfect. It was just, it was a little too cake cutter. I get that, but it was a love story, which I can appreciate. And you come back full circle. You come back full circle, but it was very quickly. So that's why I have I give it more of the two point, you know, because it was like, doesn't really happen that way. I wish it does for everybody, but you know, it was nice to read. So now here comes the shocker.
SPEAKER_03:First, I do want to say that the two people in the room that are the most happily married individuals that I know in my life, not liking this book is wild to me. But I'm gonna give it a cheers. Okay. I mean the spectrum's over here. So here's the thing we can be a thug all the time. And if there's ever a time to be soft in life, it's the holidays. And for that reason, that is the reason that I gave it a cheers. It is like the perfect, literally the perfect feel-good holiday story. Like, so for this time of year and for what it is, like, oh, okay, I don't have to be a thug all year. I can be soft.
SPEAKER_02:We can skim by the for Jesus' birthday month. I can do only Christmas mention is they went and bought a Christmas tree. Like, we can't even skim by that. It really wasn't.
SPEAKER_03:The whole title of the book is. It was leading up to Christmas. Christmas. So it was the whole Christmas, the whole holiday season, the whole coming thing. The most beautiful, feel good. I was like, oh, so many times reading the book. I was like, it's cute. Oh, that's so sweet. Very, yes, unrealistic and real life, but we don't have to be biased and jaded all the time. So it was a it was it was Hallmark in a book. Absolutely, 100%. Okay. And again, for what it was supposed to be and what it is, it delivered for sure. So that's why I gave it a shit.
SPEAKER_02:You know why? Let me tell you what's missing from the Hallmark part. Go ahead. Even in Hallmark, there's like a climax. They have like the little hiccup in the relationship, like a little, oh, a little misunderstanding. There was a whole yeah, we didn't know. It was at the very beginning. They the whole broke up and because her mama was a town drunk. Okay, even when they came, she's like, Oh, I'm back in town. He was like, Oh, I see you, I love you. Like literally the next day. The next day. They never had, there was never any, I mean, there was there was no build-up, no climax, like not one bump in the road when they got back together. Well, you know, but when you know, you know. The ex-husband said all the right stuff.
SPEAKER_03:But did he? Because we should we should talk about that, because that ex-husband was a fool. And so we know I don't think it was a you're right. Let's let's talk about it. Let's get into it. Please, let's get into it. You're not swaying me. I'm not changing my I'm not changing. We know you stay with your chair, Sarah.
SPEAKER_01:We want you to stay with your chairs. Because today is a day that it's a different spectrum on both sides. Right.
SPEAKER_03:All right, but no, it's yeah, we'll get into it. All right, let's go.
SPEAKER_02:So the service, what is what did you bring to share with us today, Les?
SPEAKER_04:Okay. So we're going to try our first cocktail of the episode. It is called Who's That Girl? Who's That Girl? But Christmas edition. So it is a Christmas Cosmo. So this is a holiday twist on a classic drink made with vodka, our Bellevere, as we've been talking about, unsweetened cranberry juice, lime, orange liqueur, and the star of this recipe is that we made a homemade rosemary simple syrup. How cute. All right, ladies. So cheers, ladies. Cheers. Oh, that's tasty. Whew.
SPEAKER_02:I do like. I do like that. It's very much a good cosmo.
SPEAKER_03:I love that. And that unsweetened cranberry juice is yeah. So it's not super sweet. Right. There you go.
SPEAKER_04:Well, as we're sipping, let's get into our first question. Faith made a big deal about meeting her ex-husband's new girlfriend prior to their girls meeting her. What is your feeling on this? So before we get into it, just to give our listeners a little bit of background, Faith is a recent divorcee. I think she was divorced for about a year in the book. And so her and her husband had two twin girls, and I believe they are eight. Eight years old. So I think really that's all you need to know as far as this question. Oh that's it. So let's get into it. What say y'all?
SPEAKER_01:I agree. So for me, being married and having kids, I think when the kids are younger, it just depends on the atmosphere. Them being eight years old and aware of everything, I feel like you have to be careful on how quickly you introduce somebody to your kids at that age. When you're older, it could be a little bit different. Of course, when they're babies or toddlers, once again, it could be different. Them being eight, I'm more focused on them being eight. I would take my time on introducing them because all they've known their entire lives was their father and their mother. And for them to not work out, and then the next thing you know, your father's just bringing somebody home so quickly after the divorce. It could be confusing, it could be various things to the kids, but for me, it's just more of the age, what how how it would affect that your child, what the environment is. I feel like it's more questions than answers at the time, especially when, you know, how was the divorce? Was it a good? Was it bad? Was there infidelity? Was it just us growing apart, etc., etc.? So, overview, I would take the time and wait before introducing them. If you feel like it's gonna be more of a commitment, depending on the longevity of the relationship and how far it goes.
SPEAKER_02:But do you need to meet the person first?
SPEAKER_01:Like that's if you feel like you're going to bring them into the kid's life eventually, not yeah, like after six, several after several months, yeah, but not if you're dating them and you don't see there's potential, but if there's potential of you making a lifelong commitment with them, moving in, any of that, then yes, I feel like, hey, I'm seeing someone and they have the potential of there's longevity in there, and I would want them to meet the kids soon. Is it gonna be like, oh, you can't date them, I don't like them? No, that's who you love. I can't control that, but hopefully they're a decent person around our kids.
SPEAKER_03:Star looks like she has a feeling on this. Like her face. Go ahead though. No, I I want it, I want to hear your opinion. Because you guys are you guys are married, so I want to hear your opinion. But I yeah, I definitely have a take.
SPEAKER_02:But I did not feel like me as the ex-wife, do I need to meet your girlfriend before you talk about bringing her around the kids? No, I don't, because the commitment is between and the agreement is between me and you. So I'm gonna trust, if I'm sending my girls to your house or my kids to your house, they, I mean, we have a custody agreement, they spend whatever time with you. I'm gonna trust that you take care of them in the very best way, the same way they do at my house. So you don't be regulating who else over here. You need to have trust in me. And I'm gonna trust that if you bring in somebody around that it's somebody you know and you are using good judgment the same way I trust that you take care of them in every instance, whether it's a new person, a place, wherever that you're taking, I believe the same way you're putting a seatbelt on them every time they get in the car, in the same way you're not gonna bring somebody around them like that's just random. Now, if my ex was like just some rant, like a reckless person and yeah, he got different chicks running in and out, I'd be like, bruh, like they don't need to meet everybody, you know, like give it classy for real. But no, I I don't think that you owe that to me to be like, oh, well, you need to, I need to meet her before she meets my kids. Like, let me start your business. Because for real, don't be trying to regulate what I got going on over here. That's my stance on it.
SPEAKER_03:I'm so glad she said that. Because, oh, I didn't know if we was gonna, if we was gonna reconnect during this episode. But I completely agree. I think when people take that stance, it's more about it's about two things. I think it's about control, and I also think it's about not admitting that you're really not over that person or that relationship. So you try to put that on, oh, the kids, oh the kids, oh the kids. Absolutely not. And to Tasha's point, if you question my judgment to the point where you don't think that I can make the appropriate choices and decisions about who comes around and is around our children, you should have questioned that before we laid down and had these children. You see what I'm saying? Like, the time to start questioning whether or not a person is a good parent is not after they've been a parent for eight years. You see what I'm saying? Like, but I think a lot of times, again, it gets turned into, oh, well, we didn't work out and we're not together. And now all of a sudden, you are potentially this completely different person that doesn't have the wherewithal to make the appropriate judgment calls about who comes around our children. But if we were still together, it would be okay. Like you would be okay, because I married you, we had kids, we were supposed to have a life together. Now that that pretty picture isn't gonna be the case, now I need to police who you're with from here on out under the guise of who you're bringing around my kids.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I don't think it's necessarily policing, it's just a matter of, hey, Steph, I'm with this person now, and we just have a dialogue, like I'm gonna introduce them. It could be a quick, I'm dropping the kids off and you meet them. It's not necessarily let's go out to dinner, let's have a kumbaya. And I agree with you, if you're gonna lay with somebody and have kids with them, you found some reasoning to make a life with them. And hopefully they have that same judgment with the person afterwards if it doesn't work out between the two of you. But a five, 10 minute conversation of meeting somebody, I don't think it's a I don't think it's a problem because you're exactly right. I have to be over you. I don't want to police you. I don't, I would hope that whoever you're bringing is somebody that we can, you know, have a conversation with. Because even with the ex-husband bringing having a girlfriend, there are things that the girlfriend was doing, like, and she's just like, oh, you just listen to whatever she says. Well, that's the mother of my children, and I trust her judgment. The reason why we got divorced was not because of her being a bad mother.
SPEAKER_03:Right, but that's for him to manage in his new relationship. That doesn't have anything to do, that didn't have anything to do with faith. Like, that's not faith, it's not for faith to manage, or it's not for faith to screen this new woman, or it's not, and not for nothing. If that had been her stance, like in an ideal situation, and this again is my point, in an ideal situation where everyone is being mature and we have made a mature decision that you know what, not that I didn't love you once upon a time, not that we didn't love each other once upon a time, right? Like whatever we had is no longer. So now we're gonna be adults and we're gonna be mature and we're gonna go our own separate ways and find the love that's out there for us. But in the meantime, we do have these wonderful children that we created, right? So let's agree to keep the lines of communication open. And I think when a relationship ends maturely and everyone is over it and okay with moving forward, this is the conversation that you have. Hey, I'm dating somebody, it's not this whole secret thing, but that wasn't the case. And throughout the book, and the reason that I'm taking this stance is because throughout the book, Faith continuously referenced, oh, he didn't do that with me. He wasn't that way for me. So there's a little bit of what I got from her, a little bit of jealousy in, oh, now he's this type of man for another woman, but he wasn't this type of man for me. That's where I get a little bit of resentment and some bitterness and still trying to hold on in control and not necessarily being over the relationship and allowing it to move forward. So let me try to interject myself because the audacity of you to be over this relationship, and now you want to be this all effort and all in great guy for the next woman. That's what she was on. And it it wasn't about the kids, it wasn't about the kids because in hindsight, she and when I'm sure we'll get into it, she turned around and did the same DFA. I was so upset, and I was so upset when she did that. I was like, come on now, like you play in. Sorry. So that's that's my take. What you think, Lex?
SPEAKER_04:So I don't have children, so I don't really know what it's like to be that protective over something outside of my fur children. Uh but knowing the type of person I am and just like how big I am on safety and like who's around the people that I love, I think it would have been like a common courtesy to at least let me know. Like, especially because in the manner that she found out, it was like her daughters telling her, like, oh, we just spent all this time with this woman. And then she's like, hey, who is this woman? Like, was she nice? Like, what's going on? And so, like, I do feel like when, especially when they're young girls, and you're just it's something new, and it's somebody new, especially not it. They didn't really go into like how the girls took the divorce or anything like that. And maybe that's like an element of depth this book was missing. But I do think just like for courtesy to just be like, hey, I'm getting the girls this weekend, just so you know I am dating this woman and I'm going to, you know, bring her around the girls to meet. And it's not necessarily to like scope out that woman or to figure out if she's like the right woman, but just like letting you know who's going to be around our children, I think is a common courtesy. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02:To say that you're dating somebody, yes, give me that courtesy like, hey, the girlfriends, I'm I have somebody who I'm seeing, and she's gonna be around this weekend with the girls. Okay, that's fine. Give me a heads up on that. But do I need to meet her? Like, do I need to sit down with her? And no, I don't need to do all that.
SPEAKER_04:Like, I don't think that I don't really think any conversation happened.
SPEAKER_03:Like, you know who you gotta come see and deal with.
SPEAKER_04:Right. Like, I don't think any conversation is owed until like like we're talking about marriage, and because now we're talking about, okay, we're essentially not that she will ever be like their mom, but she will be like a sort of mom figure to the kids. And so at that point, I do feel like a conversation of like boundaries and what does this look like, like maybe should happen if we are progressed that far into the relationship, just so like nobody's toes are being stepped on. Cause I know in dating someone who had kids, it gets a little hairy, um, depending on who the ex is and how they are. Um, so I think like if we're talking about a commitment, then yeah, maybe some sort of boundaries conversation should be had about like how we want to parent these children or what your role is as like their step, whatever. I do feel like a conversation needs to be had there, but I don't think it was necessarily to that point yet in this book. But as far as to star's comment about like faith and how she was essentially possibly bitter towards like this new relationship, I didn't see it that way. Because I think they made it very clear that like she was the one that asked for a divorce, and she was the one that kind of wanted to be done with this, even though like the husband was obviously very absent and not like doing really much of anything. So she was kind of the one that said, okay, enough is enough because me and your daughters deserve better. I think where Faith was starting to feel some type of way was that her husband, and I don't remember the husband's name, but her ex-husband was like making time for this woman, but like he could not make time for his daughters, like he was always flaking on rehearsals or practices or like picking them up. But then, like all of a sudden, you have all this time for this new relationship, but I can't even get you to come to your daughter's recital. And so I think that's where she was coming from with it. Not necessarily like you're a good man to her and you're a shit man to me. I think it was more like you're present for her, but you're not present for your daughters, and I have a problem with that. But that's just how I saw it.
SPEAKER_01:It was a balance, like there were things that she saw to Star's point that oh, you do this for her, but but I've always wanted it. But she got a divorce because she knew she her worth was more than that. But it's still a little, yeah, I'm gonna be a little resentful, a little bitter, because just like I tried for the longest with you to get that and you never gave it to me, and now you're giving it to somebody else. But it's okay. My thing is like it's okay because you will receive it. Like people only do what they want to do when they want to do it. And he didn't want to do it. No matter and I mean, he talks about the love of his girls and they they have a great mom, and you're trying to provide for them, and I get that. But when they get older, when they get older, but when they get older, they're all they're gonna remember is my dad was never around. I hear you, dude, but your presence is more wanted than the finances is a great thing. It is. I don't want to take away from that because you want to provide a beautiful home and a nice neighborhood, that's you know, the school, all of the good things. But I don't think it was more I think there was some resentment, some resentment towards, oh, you could do it for somebody else, but that's how it always is in the beginning of a relationship. But we could clearly see it went downhill when they went on vacation and he was working and she's trying to get time with him. You taking off your clothes and getting naked is only gonna last so much it's only so many times. Right. Because even Faith tried it and it stopped working.
SPEAKER_03:Let me ask you guys a another quick question, like just to add an additional layer onto this question, because there may be a different perspective. So you all are married, right, and you have children versus me. Like I've never been married and I have a child. So do you think that that plays a difference? Do you think that there's do you think that there's more of an expectation on what's next because you've been married? Because I I don't want to sound cliche, but I I wish somebody would. Like, if it's over, it's over. Yes, we have this child together. And I'm going to be the I'm gonna be the best parent that I can be for this child, and I'm gonna hope and pray that you're gonna be the best parent for this child. Otherwise, we'll we'll then have a conversation. Like then there will be a need to have a conversation, right? But do you think that there is this expectation of the conversation that's old or the courtesy? I think someone said courtesy. Like, do you think that that expectation of the courtesy comes from, but we were married, but we made this commitment not only, not only do we have these child or these children, but at one time we made a commitment to each other. And even though that commitment is over, I still have an expectation of you know, this this courtesy because I I don't know, and I'm just being transparent, I don't know where the expectation of the courtesy comes from.
SPEAKER_02:For me, I don't know that I tie it to my marriage. So my marriage is one part, but our commitment as parents is I can separate these two different things. So, I mean, again, I like only speak from my own experience, but I feel like whether we were married or not, I'm looking at you as a father, that's it, not even like as my husband, as a father, you and I should both be moving in the best interests of our children. So even when we talk about sometimes, so if I talk about Alvin having like a new wife and us sitting out, or how we're gonna co-parent, I might be of the mindset, because again, I mean, we've been together a very long time. Like, girl, I I don't need to sit down with you. Me and him as parents. Now, whatever y'all figure out, that's your business. But he and I can sit down, we can figure out how we're gonna co-parent. Do I feel like, do I see myself ever being the type of person who was gonna sit down and kumbaya with a new wife, and we we're gonna all figure it out together. That probably is not in my spirit. Only because that part does tie back to at this point, I said I've been with Alvin since I was a baby. Even if, Lord forbid, something happened and we weren't together, I'm gonna always have some feelings tied to him. There's never gonna be a, ooh, I don't feel some type of way. So I couldn't imagine me just, oh yeah, I'm I'm good with with new wife. Boy bye. I don't care. We've we've been the boy for how many years I said. So I'm never, you and I, we can be parents. I'm never gonna be, don't, she ain't gotta go come to the co-parent meeting. Like, why is she here? Like, I no, sir. Because I am gonna always have a little bit of like, oh, this, oh, this the new one. Like, I that might be petty, Tasha.
SPEAKER_03:And I think, and and so I think that's the place where that's the place where I'm coming from. Cause like I said, never been married. I have one child and the love of my life, like the most important person in my life. Like, I love that kid. But I can remember having a conversation and Not even in a mean-spirited or negative type of way, but someone attempting to interject into a conversation. And I immediately was like, I don't even understand why you're speaking to me. I'm not about to entertain a conversation with a third party about my child that you see what I'm saying? Like with another person. So that's if I feel that way on my side of it, then my expectation is that the other person has the right to feel the same. So that's kind of the connection that I'm trying to make. Like for me, it's you and I can have a conversation. Me and the father, like, you know what it is. You know who I am, I know who you are. Anybody else that you choose to deal with and have this one around, just make sure that they act accordingly. Otherwise, there may be a problem. You see what I'm saying? And it may be an odd personality thing where we just have to do it.
SPEAKER_04:But even if the kids are young, because also y'all, y'all's kids are older. Now, but he wasn't always.
SPEAKER_03:He's 20, he's 21 now, but we haven't been together since he was three. So there was, you know, he was younger than eight.
SPEAKER_04:Any conversation, like if they were like little as far as boundary. So yeah, like as far as you don't think any conversation needed to happen. Or you weren't welcoming, or not welcoming, but you didn't think any conversation needed to happen. What were we gonna talk about? Like, right. Why are you talking about it?
SPEAKER_03:Like, what were we gonna talk about? Like, if we're not together, because here's the thing he's three. We're not together. We're not together, it's not gonna work out, it, you know, no love loss, like, right? Still love you, all that. Like, we have this child, so there was something. You know what I mean? There was never that it wasn't anything, but if we're not gonna be together, what is the expectation that you're never gonna be with anybody else? Like, automatically, obviously, right, there's going to be some other person or some other people. We're supposed to link up and have a conversation, and I'm supposed to meet and approve, or you're supposed to meet and approve every time you are interested in somebody. That's crazy. Not every time.
SPEAKER_04:I'm talking about, I guess this is the one and one.
SPEAKER_03:Now that maybe, but maybe not, but maybe not, because Chris Chris's dad is married.
SPEAKER_01:Well, that's the thing, it's the initial. I think the here's the thing it's like it's not just any little girl. It's one year of divorce. One year of divorce, all they've known is mom and dad. And now there is already a little tumultuous of them changing things. Like daddy's not here, and now you're throwing a third party. I think it is a courtesy. Yes, is it different when you're married or versus that you have a boyfriend or girlfriend that you broke up with, but you have a child with them? Depends. Did y'all live together? Did you not? You see, I get all the technical stuff. I'd be having too many questions. So if you guys were never together in a household, if y'all never co-parented in a house together, then yes, it would be a different kind of conversation. But if y'all stayed together, one moved out, we're done. We're only here for Chris. That part of it, I understand. Common courtesy, I would be like, okay, we're not moving together. But if we're going to like he's younger, it could be a conversation between the two of you guys, like, not necessarily right away, but we are gonna move on. I'm gonna be dating. And I just ask that if you don't feel like it's serious, maybe we shouldn't introduce Chris to that person right away. It's just more of that, more of an overview.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I mean, I and I hear it, and I'm open to the conversation, the perspective. And that's why, you know what I'm saying? Like, that's why I added the extra piece of the conversation. I hear it. I hear you.
SPEAKER_02:However, Thomas. All right, but Step, Step, I have finished my first drink, so I feel it. It must be time to move on for the next question.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, okay, okay. And no, Steph is clearly babysitting her first drink. And the shawl, sorry. Jesus, okay. Okay, but we can repeat sure.
SPEAKER_02:Can I just say like the um, I don't know if you guys have tried it, but I did try like that little Cosmo little sour taste with the cheesecake, the little Polish cheesecake. The sweet and sour was it was together.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, dang. Too bad. Because I was I was saving this for the yeah, I was, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Oh no, I I sample all of them with all the things. We know you know, new new format. We don't know what we're doing, but let me say I I ate all my stuff. My bad.
SPEAKER_01:So we're gonna get into the second cocktail. Okay. It's called Let It Go. How fitting? Let it go. Let it go. A gingerbread martini. So this is a straightforward dessert-style martini that highlights the creamy spice flavor of gingerbread made with the Belmadere vodka, gingerbread cream liqueur, and Kahlua. Let's give it a try, ladies. Cheers. Cheers. Oh, it's it's definitely giving holiday espresso. It is.
SPEAKER_04:It tastes like uh espresso martini. It does just like a little extra ginger look cake. Yeah, it's a little spicy. Yeah, there's a little spice.
SPEAKER_01:A little spice. Yeah, it's good. I like it. It's a dessert. That gingerbread after is everything.
SPEAKER_02:It's no, yeah, I I could drink that.
SPEAKER_01:And then there's the cheesecake. The what is it? The Polish cake.
SPEAKER_02:It's the Polish cheesecake. I'm just saying, it it's all it's all about the Poland. You know. No, it's going together.
SPEAKER_01:Go ahead. You like it? The pairing is. I might be busy back. I might be taking another trip back to the Polish bakery. Are you though? Um, when I come over, I want to see that you have it at your cheese.
SPEAKER_02:It's just a little bit different.
SPEAKER_01:No, it's just like it's not, it's like a bread, a breaded cheesecake. I don't know. I like it. It's not your typical cheesecake, but I like it. It is. I might actually finish this off my face.
SPEAKER_02:Faith is petty as yes. But are you the. She said I better see it.
SPEAKER_03:So the next time I come over, I want to see Polish pastries and shit on the counter. Because stop playing with me. You're not gonna play on my face, is what you're saying. Especially for the holiday.
SPEAKER_01:Right. When that baby comes. When that baby comes.
SPEAKER_02:My family is only gonna eat Polish cheesecake. Like, he's not gonna know nothing else.
SPEAKER_04:Say less.
SPEAKER_01:All right, let's discuss. In the audible version, the book is introduced with a quote from Oprah Winfrey. Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different. What is your view of forgiveness?
SPEAKER_02:First of all, forgiveness is very hard for me. Because people always say, Oh, well, you know, forgive, but don't forget. And I'm just like, well, if I'm constantly ri thinking about how you have wrongest me, have I really forgiven? It's a struggle. And I do feel like forgiveness, there's levels to it. So I know Oprah was like, hey, you gotta you gotta like let it go. Like giving up the idea that things could have been different. I do remember when she said that, and I was like, okay, well, let me think about it. Let me think about it. And I was like, no, because there's just some things I just can't forget, and I just don't know how. And people they always say, oh, well, you forgive for yourself, not for the people. And this and I if I still remember how you did me wrong, how am I letting go and moving on? So I really I struggle with forgiveness, maybe. I guess it depends on how you have them in your life.
SPEAKER_01:Like, are they still in your life?
SPEAKER_02:Or do I want them to be? Right.
SPEAKER_01:Because if they're still in your life, I think it that's where the difficulty runs into your owl, maybe over time you can forget because you're always still surrounded by them. They're in your they're in your environment, maybe family functions, weekly, semi-annually. Like it just depends on how often you see them. I agree with you. Petty Steph, Steph can hold a grudge. Tate, tate, tate. And I've learned that I really do have to let go. Like, I've gone two weeks without talking to my kids. I said it, two weeks without talking to my kids. And um that's why their daddy is around because they need another parent. So it is hard. It is hard. So my question to you is if you're around them over time, I don't want to say all the time, but you see them often enough. Don't you think over time maybe they've shown you a different side of them where you can forget it, like you can forgive?
SPEAKER_02:Okay, so I'm not gonna say there's not something I've have not forgiven. So my longest relationship will clearly be with Alvin. So is there stuff I can think of that I have had to forgive him for? Yes. Did I bring it back up at opportune times? Yes. And I realized, okay, so now I have because in my more advanced, you know, and I'm more I'm more mature. There we go. I'm watching I realize I know that I cannot because I hate, I said I forgave you, and so I can't bring it up. But the way I have to like pull it back, like Tasha, don't say it, don't bring, don't bring it up. So it's still there. So I'm like, I forgave you, but my memory is long, and I be like, well, you just did this new thing, but for real, for real, it reminds me of when you did this old thing. So in my spirit, I want to bring it up. So is that forgiveness? I mean, because I told him I forgave him. We still here. We damn near 30 years later, we still here.
SPEAKER_01:I feel like you forgave him, but it's I did forgive him also.
SPEAKER_02:Sometimes you have a visceral reaction to things, and that's okay.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, so maybe I maybe I do know how to forgive in in my own way, and that in the because I think there's a difference between like remembering something and still harboring anger towards it. And I think that's where forgiveness comes in. Because it's exhausting being angry at somebody or something. And so I feel like once you get to a point where like you're like, yeah, that sucks that you did that, but you're not like actively angry over it. Like every time you think of it, you want to wring this man's neck, or you're seeing red. I think that's forgiveness because I could have lit your ass up, but I'm we're forgiving, we're letting it go. So, like, yeah, I'm gonna remember that like this happened because it's a part of our story, but I'm not harboring anger over it anymore. So that's to forgive, but don't forget how that's what it looks like to me. Okay, but I feel like in relation to this book, Faith was harboring anger specifically towards her mother. Now, do I think that is something hard? I don't think that's something you ever forget or let go of.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Because she killed somebody. That's a lot, and it affected her relationships for the rest of her life. That's like a a core thing of what made Faith who she is because this thing happened. But I do think like she did have a hard time getting to the point where she like wasn't angry at her mother anymore. Honestly, I don't even think she ever got to a point where she wasn't angry by the end of the book.
SPEAKER_02:No, she didn't. Which by the book sort of left us hanging because this quote came from the book and nobody forgave anybody in the book for anything.
SPEAKER_04:Well, Rome forgave her.
SPEAKER_02:They had a conversation about that. Yeah, they did, and she forgave him. I remember, girl, I ain't seen you in 35 years. I know he took accountability.
SPEAKER_04:He took accountability, and I think that's the big thing. I don't remember none of that. No, he definitely took accountability for his actions and how he said he was wrong for how he treated her, how he left her after that night. And I think that's a big part of forgiveness too. Like, people have to take accountability for what they do. Because they was in love. This was like third, this is like after they had slept. I think it's after they had slept together. That was the first day. They didn't sleep together on the first day.
SPEAKER_03:They're rekindling. The relationship rekindling did happen very, very fast. Yeah, I will say that. But it's a short book. So, like, like let's keep it a book. They let's keep it a book. They didn't have a whole bunch of time to be good. It wasn't no business, it wasn't no deals, one. And he definitely took account of it. It was when Christmas season. She went to her dad's house a couple weeks before Christmas, and by Christmas, after Christmas, they was getting married. So it was a and then other stuff happened in two weeks.
SPEAKER_01:You found that out in two weeks, though. It was a lot of things.
SPEAKER_03:A lot a lot.
SPEAKER_01:How do you know that in two weeks?
SPEAKER_03:When the closet gets open, when the closet door gets open, ain't no all the skeletons coming out right now. Like you can't open the closet and be like, oh, wait, hold on. I just want two skeletons out the closet, and then I'm gonna come back. Like the closet got open, everything was out there. So yeah, one day. You could have actually discovered all the things in one day. So we took accountability every day, all in in one.
SPEAKER_04:I think the accountability piece is super big because that's something she never got from her mom, which is why she held so much resent. Like, there's power in saying I'm sorry, and I accountability everything I will stuff in this way.
SPEAKER_01:But Faith never forgave herself, is my issue. Because even 10 years later, everything was still on you. Like, I'm sorry that because she's still blaming her mom, she's still carrying her mom's errors, her mom's bones, her mom's everything.
SPEAKER_04:Because you have to take care of her.
SPEAKER_01:Right. And the thing is, you still haven't let it go. She still hasn't forgave her. And so she hasn't moved on. And it's still that in the book. I mean, and after she found out everything she found out, it was like, oh, that's why she hated you, girl. It makes sense. And I was mad at the whole situation because as Tasha would always say about me, therapy and conduct. I was just about to say therapy and condom.
SPEAKER_03:I'm gonna circle back to the question. I'm gonna circle back to the question real quick so I can give you guys my perspective on forgiveness. But counseling, listen, especially my beautiful black, bookish baddies, counseling is okay. Like, talk to somebody, talk it out. I know, like it's a taboo thing in our culture, you know what I'm saying? Like, generally speaking, and I know that we have gotten better about it from a cultural standpoint. But man, counseling is okay. Talk to somebody, talk to anybody, ideally professional, that that's what they do. But the homie, sometimes the homie up the street works too. Like, but circling back to the question, because I want to make sure that you you guys touched on something, so I want to give my take on that. Like forgiveness, the quote. Okay. So forgiveness is accepting the hope that things couldn't have been different.
SPEAKER_02:Giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. So for me, I'm on a journey, I'm on my spiritual journey, and I will say that there's an aspect of spirituality to it, right? So when you're talking about things being different, I think there's a a space in there for what is your belief system? Like, what do you believe? If you believe that, you know, things are predestined and so on and so forth, then the path, my path is my path, right? And yes, we're gonna detour, but we have to go through certain things along the way to get right to the destination. So for me, what forgiveness looks like is who can I control? I can't control anybody but myself, right? So I have to start there. And there's always three sides to every story, every situation: my side, the other person, and then what actually really happened, right? So from a forgiveness perspective, I can forgive you and I can forgive you and love you and let you live your life without allowing you continued access to me, or I can forgive you, love you, and make an adjustment to our relationship, but still allow access. So I think that there's a couple of different things. Could things have been any different? Could the actions, could the path have been any different? I think I personally am getting to a place where I don't know that I think so. I think that all of the things that I experienced put me right here in this moment, on this day, able to speak to and have the perspective and have the conversations and have the knowledge and have the wisdom on different things, right? If I hadn't had certain experiences, I wouldn't be able to speak to and have a perspective or an opinion on certain things because I'd be like, I don't know. I don't know. You tell me. You see what I'm saying? So I agree with the quote. I like the quote. I've never heard it before, but I'm like, ah yeah, that's that's it. Forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean like forgive and everything goes right back to the way that it was. But yes, I can forgive you, and we never have to talk about it again. And the accountability for me, and I've had some recent situations. This year's been wild. At some point, we'll get to the wild time that this year was. But I've had a lot of adjustments and changes and quite a few relationships that I have. You know what I mean? Like long time, 20 plus years relationships. And at the end of the day, it's all okay. I don't harbor any hard feelings, any bad feelings towards anybody. Like, there's no hard feelings, like whatever the situation was, and whatever our relationship is, whatever access, whatever the interaction is, I know what it's done for me and how it has allowed me to be more well-rounded, and I hope that it's done the same for the other individuals. Okay.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:That's very big of a honestly, but that's me today. Don't I but no two years ago, you know. That's a good thing that's a maturity right there. And I love it. That's gross.
SPEAKER_01:I've learned to be in the same room with a person that I didn't forget, but I forgave. Yeah. I didn't forget, and and I told Tasha, I didn't tell her the whole story, but I was like, yeah, I'll be around certain people. I'll be like, mm-hmm. But in the back of my head, I'll be like, we'll never be friends. I tried when I was younger. I tried. I had a full blown conversation with a person on the phone, maybe one or two hours, and I got off the phone and I told my husband, I will never be friends with that person again. And that's okay.
SPEAKER_03:And that's okay. And that is okay. It is.
SPEAKER_01:And but I but I know I'm gonna see you, and I can be in the same room with you. I could chop it up. We could talk about the kids, we could talk, but surface levels, but we're just never going to be friends again.
SPEAKER_02:And it's okay. And I think sometimes we do tend to want to hold on. So now we're trying to because you miss it.
SPEAKER_01:You don't want to get that down.
SPEAKER_02:It's okay to be like, you know, it's not good for me. I'm I'm big on it. Hey, we was we was type for a season or a reason. Hey, and I got we we got what we needed at that time, and but we're in a different time and space right now, and I'm okay with that. So, okay, some maybe I might be alright at forgiving. Yeah, you'll be alright. Give yourself some credit. Right. All right, y'all ladies. Let's move on to our final drink. Now, this one, this one when you hang with the homies. You try to go ahead and make a big batch for everybody in a good size punch bowl, okay? This is the Belvedere holiday punch, but we're gonna call it the um it's so hard to say goodbye. Okay? It is made with our Belvedere vodka, an apple cider, some allspice, and lemon juice, a couple of orange wheels in there. We're gonna stir it around with the cinnamon stick. Y'all go ahead and sip it. Let me know what you think. Cheers.
SPEAKER_01:Cheers.
SPEAKER_02:Cheers. Oh, and not for nothing. If y'all have not already got into this babka, who knew I like babka? Like, y'all, I might be Polish. Um babka was good.
SPEAKER_01:This is good. The holiday punch. Okay. I like it.
SPEAKER_02:Isn't giving me like a little apple cider?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that's really good.
SPEAKER_02:I tasted lemon apple cider. Okay, that's good. All right, y'all. So for this question, now Marie, that was the dad's fiance. Marie lived in the father's house. Now, the father had not changed the house, not one lake. I do believe they even said that the mom who passed away, her house shoes were still by the door. Where she left. Everything was on her side of the bathroom. So Marie using the other hallway bathroom because the dead wife stuff is still in the bathroom where her fiance is. Now they've been together for like three years at this point. Is you finna pull Marie, you finna be up in this dead woman's um memorial, like in her like how many days, like, okay, on the first date you see it, before you move in, you're gonna say something, right? Like, how was she just because again, the daughter came and she ended up helping Marie make the changes, but Marie for real, you was okay with this?
SPEAKER_01:No, I couldn't have been.
SPEAKER_03:So again, back to the the the cultural thing and and the counseling, you know, the older, like older generation, there is a a dynamic there, right? Like clearly there was something there that he was holding on to that could have probably helped from having a conversation with somebody. Yep. Absolutely would not, it would have been a no for me. I don't even know if if I'm being honest, I don't even know about moving into the house that you shared with your previous wife, period. Whether you're keeping it and maintaining it as a a monument to her or something. Shrine. Yeah, like a shrine. And it might be a good thing. But we need to get our own space. We need to get our own our own space and all that. Because I'm I I don't necessarily want you to be constantly reminded of or comparing even to the ghost that was. You see, you know, you know what I mean? Like that. Yeah, no.
SPEAKER_02:Took it for me. If you, okay, hey, you still got pictures of whatever you understand, you know, you're you loved her, you're a grieving widower. But if I come to your house on the first date and I see your dead wife, now mind you, she ain't been dead like a year. She's been dead for a long time.
SPEAKER_01:10 years.
SPEAKER_02:I come to your house and her house shoes is about to come. We're not even going on date two, because clearly you got some stuff to work. You should probably talk to my friend Steph about some therapy. She knows some people, she has numbers, she can she can connect you with some. But I don't even see how we get to date two when I come in in your house as a whole shrine. Y'all know I love Miss Melvin. If I ever lost a night, it's definitely going to be uh me, I'm gonna feel that forever. I feel like it would be deeply insensitive of me to have his shoes by the doorlight. I just I didn't change a thing. Yeah. Nothing.
SPEAKER_01:I would have a conversation. So I think before I even entered the house, if if you asked me to move in and you want to make it official, I think I would have already had a conversation with him at that time and said, like, I don't mind moving in. Do you mind if we can make it more of a home for us? Like, I would have come at him in a way where, right, star, he needs therapy. But where, you know, besides that, it would just be more, let's just have a conversation. Like, I love to move in here with nothing disrespectful towards your you being a widow, you having lost your wife. I understand that, but it would be a conversation of if I'm moving in, we're making this a home together. This is our home. Are you okay with me? And and I would have that conversation, whatever the conversation is, about making it a home for us. Like I will be making some changes, but I want it for us to make changes, not I'm picking everything out and it's my personality. I want it to be an us thing. So, yes, I will be moving the house shoes, but I wouldn't have moved in without having that conversation first. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And I will say to in his defense, so in his defense, when she did decide, once Faith was back home and was like, wait a minute, come on, enough now. He didn't protest. I didn't, I don't recall that there was ever in a a point in the book where he protested and said after the book.
SPEAKER_02:There was nothing imperfect about the book. Because it was because it was a perfect book.
SPEAKER_03:Because it was a perfect beautiful holiday story. Yes.
SPEAKER_02:Of course, she said, can I change your entire house that he had had for 18 years and all of a sudden he was okay with it? I mean, in perfect world, of course, that's the way it went down. So here's another perspective, though.
SPEAKER_03:Now, let me give you this perspective. Men, the male species, okay? Women, we're feelers, we're nurturers, we're, oh, all the good feels, all the emotions, right? And not that men don't have feelings, but they don't express their feelings and verbalize their feelings the way that we do. And that's okay. That's what makes us different. That's why we're yin and yang. That's why we're the balance. That's why we're the helpmates, all the things, right? The other perspective to take into consideration is the fact that what we did learn in the book, right, about their relationship and who he was to Faith's mother and who he stepped up to be and what he stepped up and stepped in to do, right? The part when you spend a lifetime with someone, and you kind of touched on it, imagine how overwhelming it could be to pack up, box up, bag up the person that you spent a lot of time with bagging up their shit, putting it in a box and being like, and putting it out for trash or putting it out to donate or whatever the case may be. So again, to the counseling point, right? If you're if you're talking to someone, if you're the man and you're talking to someone about what that looks like and how that feels, then maybe it makes it a little bit easier to process and do the things. But if you're a typical male that's holding those feelings in, yeah, you know what I'm saying, and not having that conversation and not even processing those feelings, just imagine how overwhelming that could be. Because even for women, it's overwhelming. You know what I mean? Like it's overwhelming for women. So that I think the other take that we could look at is it it was the perspective was meant to shed light on that piece, and we could look at that perspective of it versus.
SPEAKER_01:But he didn't even help though. But he didn't, but after all that, but he didn't even help.
SPEAKER_03:He didn't protest. He didn't, but he definitely didn't help. He didn't protest, but he didn't help. And I think, again, I can't even begin to imagine because I've never spent a lifetime with someone. I've never spent a lifetime with another person. But I know that I've heard people say women will take a little bit longer to get into another relationship or whatever the case may be because they're processing or they're dealing with those emotions and those feelings versus men, like I hear people say, like, men are not going to be by themselves, right? And maybe there's a dynamic of that because when you're by yourself, you're forced to kind of sit in those feelings and those emotions and deal with, you know what I mean, and deal with those things. So moving her in and still maintaining the restaurant, still maintaining like everyday life, you know what I mean? Like, okay, no, it's just regular, but it's not though, because you're like living in this whole shrine to the one, like you're not just not gonna acknowledge it. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01:So And that's where for me I get that, and that's why I said I would have a conversation with him before I moved in, saying, hey, let me make these changes because of the restaurant, everything that's on his plate. You're consumed. I'm not gonna throw everything away, but I can organize this is house stuff, kitchen stuff, clothes, shoes, whatever. And at that point, he can make the decision of does he want to keep it, does he not want to keep it? But that would have been a conversation that I would have. You're right, it's overwhelming. And men do tend to move on. I told my husband, I said, I said, Jeff, if we got divorced, you'd be married with under a year before I even looked at another man. And he was like, How do you say that? I said, Because everybody that I know around me, anybody that has gotten divorced, the husband has gotten married, already remarried. All of the ex-husbands have gotten remarried, and the wives are still looking for that boo.
SPEAKER_02:Because the wife is around here looking for all the things that she didn't have her husband. She's looking for Mr. Purpose. He's just like, Hey, I just need somebody to give me a slide and freezing.
SPEAKER_04:I just need somebody to fill this space. And I also think we also to give the dad a little more credit, too, he experienced essentially three losses at the same time. Because, yes, like his wife's stuff was still up, but face room was still completely intact, too. Like she was talking about how all of her little boy band posters were still there, bed has still looked the same, like when she left. And so I can imagine you're losing your wife, you lost your daughter. I mean, yes, he told her to leave, but also like later in the book, we learned like how much he really loved. Like, you have that kind of love is something different, especially for them to have gone through what they went through and found out what they found out. I feel like he loved faith. Yeah, loved faith. And then also the third loss being his business. It talked about how he still showed up for work every day. He still went through his same motions, right? And people were not showing up because of what his wife did. So I can only imagine like having to maintain essentially his whole life got taken away from him in an instant.
SPEAKER_01:Within the time.
SPEAKER_04:And so, not saying that it's okay to like still keep up all of these things, but I would imagine, like, he also seemed like a creature of habit. So he's just going to, if it ain't broke, we're gonna keep doing the same thing because that's what I've always done. Deeply, he was probably depressed, like deeply, deeply depressed that definitely needed help. But like, also, that's a lot to go through on your own, essentially. Because when Spade left, it was just him, it was him by himself. He didn't have nobody. It was just him in this small country town, and moving on autopilot is wash, rinse, repeat, yeah, wash, rinse, repeat.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I'll. Okay, I can I can see that I can see that. All right.
SPEAKER_01:All right. All right. Final thoughts. Final thoughts. Y'all will have to read the book because there are things that we didn't mention. That will give you insight onto why Faith was acting the way that she did and why her father did acted the way he acted. So it was a lot of revelations towards the end that was a little bit too quick for Steph. For sure. They did rush to the show. And then, you know, a lot happened in two weeks. We found out a lot of stuff in two weeks. Therapy and condoms. It's a hallmark read.
SPEAKER_03:They dragging it. Christmas break is two weeks. You got two weeks. A lot happened in those two weeks. You got two weeks to get to get to all the things. Yeah, there's a whole there's a whole dynamic with Rome and his mother's relationship that we didn't even touch.
SPEAKER_02:So not for nothing. I feel like she didn't really touch it that deep either.
SPEAKER_01:They didn't. Okay. They didn't. Because it no, she's right. Go ahead and start outro. She's right, though. She's right, though. She's right.
SPEAKER_02:Start. Go ahead, outro us.
SPEAKER_03:Go ahead, girl. Definitely a good read. Um, before we close, you know the vibes. We always save space for something to sit with, sip on, or carry into your week. Either a lit challenge to move you, a top or thought to ground you, or a memorable quote from the book that lingers like a good sip. So for tonight's pour, it was sentimental. So let's play a little memory roulette, is what we're gonna do. So we have an on the spot lit challenge for the co-hosts, for all the co-hosts here, and it's called holiday playback. So here's a feel-good one. Share the name or just the vibe of a person you'd secretly want a second chance moment with this holiday. Oh Lord. Could be love. So here's here's the part where it's not gonna break up no happy home. Thank you. I got I got y'all. They said, oh, in unison, like, uh, is she trying to break up a happy home? Absolutely not, because it could be love, friendship, family, or a messy situationship you low-key miss. So it doesn't have to be necessarily love. It could be a friendship that you miss, it could be a family member that you miss. You don't have to share the name. You could just share a memory or like a vibe, like what if there was a vibe that you and a particular friend or family member, you know. So that's kind of the thought. So as always, I'll give you guys a little inspiration and I'll go first. So I'm not gonna say the name. So the memory, the vibe, there is an individual in my past who used to share songs from his his playlist with me. Like that was his not the mixtape. Yeah, like mixtape vibes, but modern day absolutely. So that's that's the vibe. Like that's the that's the vibe, that's the the memory, that's the person I wouldn't mind a a holiday reconnect with. It was cute. Like you bring the music, I'll bring the wine. Oh, okay. I'm in town for I'm only in town for tonight. Sorry. Okay. What y'all got? Because you know, Christmas break is two weeks, so uh that's all I got. I'm here for a fun time, not a long time. I'm sorry. No, I'm just playing, y'all. Don't mind me. But come on, y'all, what y'all got?
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so for me, what comes to mind is we moved from New York to to Florida, and the biggest things that we used to do when we were in New York, because my mom has a big family, it was it's 10 siblings total. One boy, nine girls. We would all get together. The sisters, the aunts, well, my aunts and any of them that had kids, we would all get together and we would do Christmas together and exchange gifts, and we would have big black garbage bags where we would put all of the gifts that y'all got and put it in a bag and take it home so you could open on Christmas Day. And so we would just get together, and it would be like 30 of us, maybe 40 of us, and that's what I miss. Like if I could have it back. I remember sitting in the U-Haulk truck crying when we were leaving New York, and I was like, no. But for me, it's not necessarily a holiday significant because my boo has been in my life forever, so it's more family for me, where I would have if I could have that again, I miss that.
SPEAKER_03:That's cute. And she loves her boo. I do understand.
SPEAKER_01:I do, I do, I really do.
SPEAKER_03:I love that. That's good.
SPEAKER_04:Um snow. And that's crazy because I actually hate the snow. Like, when I when I left Utah, that was one thing that I was like, yes, I'm good. I'm good. But in being away from Utah, and yes, like I think almost every holiday season I've gone back to Utah and like done the whole Christmas thing with my family. But like, Atlanta doesn't feel like when it's Christmas here, it doesn't feel like Christmas. It doesn't. Because it be hot still sometimes, there's no snow. There may be a little chill in the air, but like it's not really it's not the white Christmas that I'm used to. So I would say snow, but then also just me and my sisters were all grown now. Like our last Christmas was the last Christmas we had where any of us still lived at home. Now it's like a chore to get us all together and to like do all of these things. So I would say, like, yeah, I would probably that's what I miss the most, just the snow, and then like all of us being able to come together so easily to celebrate the holidays.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I love that.
SPEAKER_02:Um, okay, yeah, I bounce back and forth between two. I do definitely, I definitely have a friend who I miss, which it's hard for me to say, but I mean, because I'm like, hey, it it was what it was, relationship ended, and y'all know I'm petty, so I'm not finna, I'm not finna call. Like, whatever. Um You don't have to be a couple of things. But there's definitely a part of me that's like I miss what we had at that time. If she called, I would answer and definitely be open to a conversation. But then also like listening to you guys talk about like family stuff. I will say that now that I sent my last baby off to school, and I think last year would have been the first, would have been the first year that I didn't have all of my kids back home for for Thanksgiving. It wasn't even Christmas, it's Thanksgiving, you know. Devin had to work. And I'm just like, oh, wait a minute. And then now, you know, like Devin, you know, he's about to have his own family and stuff. But I'm like, okay, I'm entering into that stage where I can't make them come home. We're not finna always be, hey, y'all, y'all got the pin. It's just it's just a software. It's just a fine bush, y'all. Like, it's other people, which again, I love all the other people who have been added. I love the additional family members, but since I'll be like, well, I mean, y'all, y'all, I mean, just slide this. The OG just for the family. The OGs.
SPEAKER_03:Can y'all slide over? No significant other. We're trying to get a family picture. No shade. Just the core.
SPEAKER_02:The core family. And like, I definitely can like now, it makes me like a little missed guy, just being like, it never, I said, I appreciate the growth that we have, and I said, and I love all the new people we've added. But there is definitely a little sad part of me that wish I could just reclaim and just hold on to Avatasha and the three little babies, you know, like forever, like in those moments, the freezing time. But I definitely am also very appreciative of the expansion. You know, it's it's twofold.
SPEAKER_01:That's you know sharing is caring. You'll get the grandkid every other holiday. I that whole thing, right?
SPEAKER_02:I'm like, that's I'm like, well, can we end it? But I just want everybody to come to my house. Like, your family, my family, everybody come over. We're gonna make it work.
SPEAKER_03:Y'all just all y'all just come over here because I I I need my come over.
SPEAKER_01:We're gonna get all five of them here.
SPEAKER_03:We're gonna move you guys to the side when it's time to take our family picture. But y'all welcome like everybody come over here because otherwise it's gonna be a problem. Because I mean I need my three here. So everybody, all your extensions, just come over. Just come over here. Because otherwise, I'm wearing understand my buttons. But in the day is weird. Like, who does that make sense to? Well, I'll I will say those are beautiful sentiments, and I will say that I'm more than happy to be additional family members during the holiday season. If you guys need an additional family member, I'm more than welcome. Like, call me, I'll come fill in. You're gonna know where I stay. Whoever. Like, whatever, whatever character you're missing, I can be that character. Okay. Thank you. But that was beautiful. Thank you guys for sharing. And listeners, we have something for you guys too. So the listener challenge is send a message you've been holding back, a thinking of you, a sorry, a what if. It's never just about the words, it's about the door you open by saying them. So grow up, man up, don't be scared. Okay. Period. So that's that. We're bringing another one to the close. So that's it for this episode of Black Girls Lip Podcast. As always, where fine women, fine literature, and fine libations meet to the words that found you, the poor that held you, and the version of you that showed up to listen. If it made you think, fill, or drink, pour it forward, share us on your favorite social media platforms and make room for someone else at the table. We'll be back next time with Queenie by Candace Cardi Williams and Trust. This one gets loud, gets raw, and does not ask for your approval. Okay. Until then, read boldly and sip slip. Slip. Slip slowly. Cheers.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you for listening to the Black Girls Lip Podcast. Join us for our next core and our next page, Quinnie by Candy's Cardi Williams. Make sure to like, subscribe, comment, and follow.
