Season Two Kickoff

Steph 0:22

Step into the lit live. Black girls lit starts now. Black women are so complex.

Tasha 0:28

Hey, bookish baddies, and welcome to season two of Black Girls Lit Lady. It's your girl Tasha here. I'm Lex. It's Steph. I'm Star. All right, all right, friends. And this is that we are in season two. I am so excited to be back with you guys. What a journey it's been. I know. I cannot believe we've been actually doing this for like a whole year. You know, what started out is just an idea and a group of friends together. And now here we are. We like on the internet and stuff. I feel like we're famous, famous. Just a little bit.

Star 0:59

Just a little bit. Just a little bit. That's how I should tell that we are. We are on the internet. We are so famous. And like everywhere though, like worldwide.

Tasha 1:08

I'm just saying. But before we start, I'm gonna get sentimental for just a second. I do want to tell all of my co-hosts and friends how much I love you guys and how much I love doing this with you guys. Oh, did I kidding? This is like it's amazing. I just look forward to all the things we're gonna do this season and coming up. Yeah, we're gonna have to love you. And with all of our bookage baddies too. Like we have so many things planned.

Star 1:30

Yeah.

Crystal Head Vodka First Pour

Tasha 1:31

But all right, let's just go ahead and kick it off. What are we drinking this month?

Lex 1:36

We are doing vodka. So today's vodka is the crystal head vodka. It is a premium additive-free vodka straight out of Canada. It is distilled multiple times and filtered seven times. So it's ultra clean, ultra smooth. But also look at this cool bottle. It's so dope. So you know exactly what you're looking for with the crystal head. So we're gonna try a shot of it, yeah? Like we always do.

Star 2:07

So let's do it this time.

Lex 2:09

We are cheersing to season two. Cheers! Cheers! Ready, ready, ready, ultra clean, ultra smooth. Oh, that's pretty much it. Tasha like it's very smooth.

Tasha 2:24

Tasha likes free. Okay, yeah. Every time we say edit, it's super food.

Star 2:29

That's all every superfood. Additive free, organic. We we like a good superfood vodka around here. So yeah.

Why Year Of Yes Matters

Lex 2:38

All right, Steph. Tell us about our author and our book.

Steph 2:41

Yes, so we are here for Say Yes by Shonda Rhimes. This is the 10th anniversary edition. Shonda Rhimes is the executive producer of Gray's Anatomies, Scandal, Bridgerton, Queen Charlotte, and more. Not only reveals her galvanizing New York Times bestseller, but gives readers an extraordinary cachet of brand new stories that showcase the continuing power that saying yes has had on her life. In Shonda's own words, this book is the same as before, but it's also not. It is a brand new, it has changed, transformed, evolved, grown just like me. In 2015, Shonda Rhimes, the trailblazing creative force behind some of television's most beloved series, took on a challenge that would change her life forever. She decided to say yes to everything for a year, and the results were exhilarating, held as honest, raw, and revelatory. The Washington Post and Has Fun read as Rhymes TV series are to watch. Said Year of Yes quickly became a New York Times bestseller, captivating readers everywhere and inspiring them to undertake their own yes journey. In the celebratory and expanded anniversary edition, you'll find more wildly candid and transformational chapters that reveal how the mega talented Shonda, once a well-described introvert, achieved bad assery worthy of a Shondeland character and how you can too.

Ratings And Why We Loved It

Tasha 4:17

Yes. All right, all right, okay. So let's go ahead and talk about how we thought about the book. You know the rating system. Cheers if you love it. We're gonna zip. If it's okay, you know it's three-star. Babysit. If you had to put it down, pick it up, you know you got through it. And then, of course, our dreaded send it back. I will go ahead and kick it off with a big cheers. Oh my gosh. Okay, I felt so good to give this a cheers because I thought I had a couple books recently that I was not able to cheers and that did not sit right with my spirit. Thank you, Shonda. Like this book was like it was giving everything it was supposed to give. I'm not always geeked up on, you know, self-help type stuff, whatever, but this was amazing. And I walked away with some good tips, and I am saying yes to a lot of stuff. So it's cheers all day, every day for me. Thank you, Shonda.

Lex 5:11

It's not like Tasha ever had a problem saying yes. Let's be clear. Let's I just want to leave it. Let me try it once on the floor really quick.

Steph 5:19

Let's try it once.

Lex 5:21

But I'm glad you had a good time reading your friend. I am. I too am going to give it a cheers. One, because Shonda the anything she writes is gonna be amazing and transformative and all of those good things. Now y'all know self-help memoirs are not my favorite, and they're still not, but I actually would add this one to my personal library. Um, have y'all did y'all read the original before the 10th anniversary? I did not. Okay, so me neither. So I would I think if I had read it as the first one, I would like to kind of see like the full, like what it, what the first original like feeling would have been like reading the first edition. But it's all good. It was great. I learned a lot. You saw her grow, which was awesome. So yeah, cheers. Good book, good dog, Shonda. All right, Steph.

Steph 6:12

Yes, I'm gonna jump on the bandwagon and say cheers as well. I am a huge Shonda fan. She gets me emotional every time, all her shows, and now the book, and it just shows how what a great writer she is, and she actually touched some points within myself where it was like, ooh, things that I can work on so I could appreciate it. I do have a couple of memoirs on my bookshelf that I do tend to go back to, but I feel like it's a lot of black women, strong, but um, powerful women that I tend to go to. Michelle Obama, of course, is on the top of the list, but Shonda did a great job with this book. It, you know, we all have our own inner demons that we always struggle with and what we can do to do better. And she had her own that she revealed and she was truly honest about it and how she overcame them. And I and I truly appreciate her sharing that with me because for me, it's making me work on some things that I didn't even realize. I think it was just a perfect time for me to read this book.

Star 7:17

All right. Also, cheers. What cheers? And I am in the same vein as everyone else. Memoir, self-help. I was like, who put this on the list? I loved, loved, loved, loved everything about this book. So the shows, I'm a fan of all the shows, even the shows that I didn't know initially were Shonda's, you know, because there was a there was a time before Shonda was Shonda Rhymes and it was Shonda Land. And she had some shows that I was in love with and didn't even realize that they were hers. So it was so good. It was so good. I did the, I bought the book, but I ended up doing the audiobook. And then when I started it and she was actually reading it, I said, girl, stop playing. She was reading the audiobook and like her speeches were in the audiobook. Like, if so, if you don't have the time to actually read the physical book, trust me, this is one audiobook that you can definitely get with. It was so powerful. There were so many things. I was like, girl, yes, yes. That's what I'm yes. It was so relatable and the badassery, checkmate. Like the word that you didn't know you needed until you hear it. And yes, please, I'm here for all of the bad assery. So a cheer is for me. Yes, yes, 100%.

Tasha 8:45

All right, okay, shorty cane throws.

The Shonda Sparkler And Big Yeses

Star 8:47

Okay, unanimous on the first. It's not often that we are. I mean, first, I don't think it's a first. It is definitely. It's probably like two. Maybe the second time. The second time for sure. Okay. Yes. So with that, we're going to um go ahead and get into our first cocktail and our first question. So, rightfully so, we are calling this first cocktail the Shonda Sparkler. It is a light celebratory cocktail to kick things off because yes, it doesn't have to be overwhelming. We've got in here our crystal head vodka. We've got some lemon juice, fresh lemon juice, which you know, you can do the, you can do the bottle, but you know, we fresh squeeze juice around here. Fresh squeeze. So we got some lemon juice, um, some elderflower liqueur. Saint Germain is my favorite, but you know, there are some other options. And then we topped that off with some prosecco. So that's what we've got here, the Shonda Sparkler. Cheers. Isn't it refreshing? That's a good one. So, fun fact elderflower actually symbolizes new beginnings and taking chances. So this cocktail literally feels like saying yes. Okay. Right. Putting it all together. So the first question uh that we're gonna start with is in this anniversary edition, Shonda reflects on how her original year of yes didn't fix her life, but began a practice she had to return to again and again. Looking back over the last decade, where do you see a key moment where you said yes and how did that shift your life, big or small?

Tasha 10:16

Ooh, girl, we're just coming out of the box. So think about it. The time when I when I said yes and the shift it made. Over the last decade.

Star 10:28

Over the last 10 years.

Steph 10:29

I would say for me is like personal things. It was one of those things that I had to continuously tell my, it's it's everything. It's daily life, like getting up, working out, meal prepping, things that I was I used to be lazy. I was lazy, I didn't want to do anything. I used to sit in traffic, then my job changed where my commute was shorter, then it changed to where COVID happened and I was able to work from home. So, with all of those changes, it was something that I had to remind myself that I had to continuously say, you need to do this. And ever since I changed my mentals and how I approached working out, cooking, going out, like making an effort, it's like you have to be intentional with it. And once you become intentional, I've learned with myself that results happen, staying positive, things can happen to you. And so for me, I think it was just a combination of things with life happening. I changed a job, I've been with my job for 10 years. So several things changed, but I went with the intention of doing better, even with my kids. Like if they want to do something where been sitting in traffic all day and I don't want to do it, and it's just like, what's 10 minutes? What you know, versus not doing it in the disappointment. So for me, it's a culmination of it. It's not just one particular thing, it's just been a multitude of it. And once I changed that, my attitude changed on every a lot of things.

Star 11:55

Yeah. So that's it. That's good. Like she touched on she touched on so many things in a book. Like I was clipping, like marking clips because I'm like, oh, I gotta go back and highlight some of this stuff in the actual book. So it was very like relatable.

Tasha 12:09

For me, it would have been when I decided to leave teaching, which was like I for like a while I felt like I was kind of over teaching. And not, I mean, I did love teaching, but the way the education system was set up, I was just like, okay, y'all, this it was not vibe with my spirit. It was just like, I just feel like we had gotten to a place where we really weren't holding students accountable a lot. It just some of the decisions that were being made as far as like how I had to conduct the classroom, I was like, okay, this really just not working for me any longer. And so I decided to leave teaching. COVID sort of like pushed me in that direction. And I was like, okay, it made a hard choice, a little easier. But then, you know, I was out here in the world and I was just like, okay, well, I'm I'm gonna be an entrepreneur. I'm gonna get into real estate. And then, and which is great. I mean, I definitely do love that I left the classroom and I've loved everything. Like I've tried different things. I do love real estate. Then it also pushed me to try doing my um my crafting business and then having like my online shop, and then that actually started doing stuff, and I've been able to see things that thought were, you know, were just a hobby or just things I liked actually become like money-making endeavors. It's like, oh, I should have done this a long time ago. It was definitely the right time and the right move for me to say yes to leaving that job. Now, I will say I think like Stephanie said a lot of good stuff about being intentional because like saying, oh, well, you know, I'm an entrepreneur, you know, I work for myself, I make my own schedule, it's great. It sounds amazing. But think about being an entrepreneur and working for yourself. If you don't work, you don't get paid. So you like every decision I have to make every day as far as, okay, what am I going to do? I have to be super intentional. Like, is this helping me get where I need to be in my business? Oh, it's not. Okay, I can do that later. I'm very intentional about everything that I do and understanding, like Shonda said, like, there's things I have to say no to. Which is hard for me because I mean I think Lex mentioned I I am a yes girl. I do say yes to a lot of stuff. Um, but yeah, having it sometimes being like, oh, but no, that one has to be a no. So yeah, leave in. That was my big yes.

Star 14:14

Nice. Shout out to at Raining Creativity. Hello, bookish grades. Thank you. Um, yes, thank you. Lex?

Lex 14:21

This question was hard because 10 years ago I was 19.

Star 14:27

Oh, so you're young? You're young. So clearly she's telling us she's the baby of the girl. Uh way number what? What is that? 325 that Lex has called us old bitches.

Lex 14:37

I was 19, 10 years ago. So, but I think I say that to say, like a lot of growth happens between 19 to 29, like a shit ton of growth. Right. And so I can only think of like between 20 and 30, like it's it's a lot. So I'm trying to think a lot of the key moments of my life so far has happened within that that like 10 years of my life. Like going to college in general was like a big thing. Like, I always knew I was gonna go to college, but I didn't know what that meant. So I didn't know what that meant for me socially, values-wise, things like that. And so you learn a lot when you're out in the world on your own. Also, in that year, I decided to leave home, like out of the state for the first time by myself. And I know we've talked about that. I've talked about that on the podcast before. So obviously, like that's a huge change going from Utah to Florida. Like, that's a huge culture shift. And I learned a lot about myself then. And then I got my first full-time job within these last 10 years. So, like, that's a big shift as well. Learning to manage your time and what it looks like to make friends when you're outside of the academia bubble, what it means to maintain your friendships or like take care of yourself and be a real adult. Like, all of that happened within that time. And then I got married. Right. And I'm like a lot.

Tasha 16:07

That's the yes I was waiting for. I was like, girl, you just said your biggest yes like a couple months ago. I'm like, maybe she forgot.

Steph 16:14

A lot of adulting.

Lex 16:15

But it's a bot, it's a lot of big yeses before even meeting Tron. And so just even saying yes to moving to Atlanta was like a big thing for me, which worked out because I was able to meet my husband now. So, yeah, I mean, I think I said a yes to a lot of things that has gotten me to this exact moment, and I wouldn't regret it. So I feel like I'm doing well. Like we'll see.

Star 16:41

Man, cheers to them 20, man. Oh, ciao. What a time. What a time. All right. So I think for me, the biggest one has been probably most recently a couple of things. So the main one is saying yes to me. Like, I have for my entire adult life, there's been a title, right? Someone's mom, someone's girlfriend, someone's kind of sort of stepmom. Like, you know what I mean? Um, team mom, all the things, Miss Star. You know what I mean? So at this stage, I want to say probably the last five years. It's like, wait a minute, I get to just be star again. Let me get back, let me get back into that and what that looks like. And I am, I'm loving it. Like I'm about to, it's about to, I'm saying, we're gonna have to have some cold words for star, turn it down a notch, girl, because you're doing a lot right now. And we'll talk about that later. But yeah, that's probably the biggest. And it entails a lot, kind of similar to Lex. You know, I have a son that is, he's a young adult. Like he is a young man. Like he is really learning how to navigate things by himself. So there's a lot of transitioning responsibilities that's happening and a lot of, a lot, lot, a lot more prayer that's going on. Um, because at the end of the day, I can't be everywhere at all times, and I can't keep him in this bubble. Like I have to let him go, like he's been raised. He he knows what he needs to know, and it's up to him how he applies it, you know, out there to Lexus' point, like out in the real world. Like you think. Do you think you know? You think you know, and then it gets real, and you're like, wait, hold on. And I'm just waiting for him to have that moment that I think we all have where it's like, dang, I wish I could just go back to taking naps, or I wish I could just go back to high school, or I wish I could go back to college, like whatever it is, I think there's always a point where we get individually where it's like, yo, adulting is like this is hood for real. Like who, like who voluntarily signs up for this? And like, where's the exit? Like, how do I get off? Like, let me let me off the train. So, um, yeah, this, but this book, man, it did something to me that I did not expect it to do, and I am so here for it. So I agreed. Yeah. All right, okay, definitely.

Tasha 19:16

Look at us growing you guys. We're amazing. Amazing. It's giving badassery. That's exactly what it is. Unapologetically. Uh the drink that I will be sharing today is the Dirty Shirley. It's a grown-up take on the Shirley Temple. You know, the first little drink you had that when you're trying to look cute, you know, your mom lets you order it and be a little fancy. But um, this one has vodka in it because we grown. We grown. We grown now. Okay, so Dirty Shirley. It's simply we use, like I said, the um the crystal head vodka with a little grenadine and topped off with a little sprite and a couple of um cherries. Cute. Cherries. Cheers. Now it's a little sweet for me. Because you know.

Lex 20:03

I could use a little more Sprite.

Steph 20:05

I could use a little bit more vodka. I was gonna say that.

Lex 20:08

I mean, I taste more.

Steph 20:10

We gotta have more.

Star 20:11

No, no, we have options. We have a little bit more. I'll I'm gonna see. I'm gonna use the rest of my little shots and see and see what that's and see what's happening right there.

Tasha 20:20

Did they just say that? This is my drink was weak. I that is so unlike Tasha. You probably you probably used the wrong side of the jigger. I we'll figure it out.

Lex 20:31

Here you go. Here you go. Here you go.

Star 20:34

Now I will say this is super nostalgic, and I love this because I remember going out to dinner with my parents and thought I was super fancy. Like, yes, I have a Charlotte temple. Yes, so thank you.

Tasha 20:49

Well, I I hope that it does hit you later. Maybe hopefully it might sneak up on you. Maybe.

Star 20:54

Well, here's the thing with the array with the array of cocktails that we have going on, I'm sure.

Tasha 20:59

And a little time will happen regardless. In the future, maybe we just take down a grenadine just a little bit because it doesn't need to be. But it's quite red, it could be just a little pink-ish. Okay, okay.

Lex 21:09

So I thought it was supposed to like set like the layer, you know. I don't know. No, it doesn't no.

Tasha 21:15

That was not the instructions that I followed. I'm sorry. Okay, you had to put stuff in the struggle. Okay, anyway.

Star 21:39

Control has been lost.

What COVID Taught Us

Tasha 21:43

Sorry, B role. Okay. Okay. So ladies, once y'all pull y'all something together, think about in the book. Shonda, like, I think like six years after her year of yes, that's actually when COVID hit, you know, the world. Sort of stopped. So she talked about different things that she learned during that time. And then she actually made the pivotal choice just to pick up and move her family. Now that like just picked up and moved. Like one of her friends was moving, and she was like, What? I'll go too. Wait a minute, maybe I can do that too. And then started looking and then ended up moving, right? Made a huge change to her life. So I'm just curious. I do feel like again, COVID, that was a time when the world stopped. We all sort of learned new things we didn't know before. What is either a skill that you learned or just something about yourself that you learned during that quiet time? I do remember during that time, everybody was doing a lot of dances. Everybody was like, learn TikTok dances. I tried that. It did not work out. That's not really my, that's not my thing. But I feel like for me, that actually is when I really started doing more of my crafting. When I like, you know, I was like, oh, look, what do you think about the internet? And I learned like different things, different techniques. And that's when I was like, really, that's what pushed me to be like, oh, I can have a whole business out here. Like, look, look what I can make. Um, so it definitely was like a time of discovery in that. You know, I always liked making stuff as a hobby, but then I realized, oh, wait a minute, I can do this. And then, you know, and of course I bought other materials and other things and some things I'm telling my husband about, you know, you know, different printers and stuff to be popping up. That's what I really just like said, just, you know, you're on the internet and you just realize, oh, I'm gonna pick up a skill or two around here. So that's when I started doing all that.

Steph 23:25

For me, I was still working. For me, COVID happened, but it was daily routine for Steph. So I didn't have a lot of idle time because I was still working and we were still busy at that time. So for me, it was just more finding a home routine. Like when I used to come home, I'm like, I'm home, I get to chill. I've been at work, traffic, gym life, whatever life. And then I would come home and I would chill. And I realized, okay, you can't do that anymore. Everything is home for you. The gym life, work, chill, just all of the above. And so for me, I just had to find accountability within myself to say, hey, you need to get up to do this. So for me, I didn't really learn a new hobby. I just learned how that there are things that you can do at home and it's okay if you're not on the couch or on the bed.

Tasha 24:14

How to manage that time.

Lex 24:15

That was I am trying to find the words to without sounding insensitive. Because I know sound insensitive. Go ahead. No, because I don't I don't want to get canceled, you know. It's very much a thing. But so I know I want to acknowledge that COVID was a very dark time for a lot of people. It was just like a very dark time, like there was no contact, some people were in isolation, and it was a lot. So I do want to acknowledge that. However, for me, COVID was a very good reset for me because COVID happened right after my first year of grad school. And my first year of grad school was culture shift-wise, was the toughest time of my life. Like I felt like I was trying to truly figure out who I was in this new environment. And I was experiencing homesickness, and like it was that first year was tough being in Florida, away from my people. And so COVID allowed me to go home back to Utah and be with my family. All of my sisters were together, my parents, we were all in one house, and it just like allowed me to remember who I am and what my values are, but then also to just relax because I'm in a place that's familiar, to like get ready to go back out into the world once I got a reminder of like who I am and what I stand for. And so I feel like that's what COVID was for me. So it was good. It was a good moment of reflection for me. I like that idea of resetting, going back home and then. Honestly, probably more like five or six. I was there for a long time. So it just was like, okay. I'm grounded. I can go back to Florida and you know, let these people know who they're messing with. I'm not sure.

Star 26:19

Okay. That part. For me, there was so much going on during COVID, but not really. So I think the biggest thing was the social, obviously, the social aspect. Um, I'm an only child and I definitely enjoy my own company. And I'm I'm fine with me. But believe it or not, I am a social butterfly. So not having the option to socialize, you know, socialize with people left me in the house with the man that I was in a relationship with at the at the time and our two kids who were like climbing the walls, right? Because they couldn't interact with their friends. And I think it was it was hard watching the kids deal with the isolation, right? Because that's not what they're used to. But I think I'm in agreement with kind of both Steph and Lex. Work didn't change. Like my work, like I was remote before COVID. You know, I've been remote for the past 15 years. So working and being at home wasn't really a change. I think it was the interaction of everybody else. Like, oh, y'all here too. So now you guys are kind of imposing on my quiet time, right? Because everyone's here all the time. So it was a lot of discipline in this is the time for this, this is the space for this, right? Because when you're in your home and everything is happening in your home, you do have to be very disciplined in I don't work in my bedroom, I don't do laundry during my workday. Because if if you didn't make those adjustments, then it became just this constant go, go, go, go, go all the time, right? So the point that Lex made about the the reset in okay, there's nobody else. So it's me and these people that I live with that live here. So it became about how do we interact with each other, right? In these close spaces without because there was nowhere that you could send anybody. Like you couldn't send anybody anywhere to get a break, you couldn't really go anywhere to get a break. That was, I think, the biggest thing for me is just one reconnecting with the fact that I'm okay with me and my own company, and I don't don't necessarily need a whole bunch of other people.

Tasha 28:46

Um but also So in case y'all were wondering, I love me. I love me. Never ever doubt that.

Star 28:55

And here's the thing the year of yes, Ashana told me it's okay. I'm like, girl, you two. I thought I had to act like, but we'll we'll talk about that later. But yeah, and then the other thing, like I said, just managing those spaces and continuing to manage the spaces because even now in my home now, it's that's where I relax. This is where I read, that is where I sleep. You know, it's very compartmentalized. And that's it's yeah, that's what I got the most is the separation of spaces and things and the intentionality. Yeah.

Tasha 29:34

I feel like maybe I had more free time on my hands than y'all. Y'all were like, oh, I was still working. I'm like, girl, I quit my job and I was out here making t-shirts and stuff. Listen, girl, we not do that.

Star 29:44

That is another conversation for a whole nother day because what we not gonna do is go down the rabbit hole of Tasha and no.

Tasha 29:52

I was discovering my I had just said yes, and I was discovering myself. And I love that for you.

Lex 29:57

We was watching Tiger King.

Tasha 30:00

I definitely watched Tiger King. I definitely we was locked in.

Star 30:07

I love that for you. Girl, COVID came. I uh I quit my job and start making t-shirts. That's all I needed. Period. Like all the time. We needed a global pandemic, they said we gotta, uh, I definitely can't do this anymore. Let me buy that cricket with now. The cricket, the silhouette, the how many other printers? I need all of them. The press. All of it. I love that for you. That's so dope.

Steph 30:32

I cannot.

Star 30:33

I want to be, you know what? When I grow up. Just like that. Yeah. Because that's dope.

Tasha 30:39

This is the thing. Sometimes I forget that every, you know, we're all different. We all have different lives. Different. That's that is what makes this show great. We all have different perspectives. We all bring in different stuff. I was working. I was. And I know that y'all don't judge me.

Star 30:56

Absolutely not. You are you are that mentor and role model that she talks about? Girl, you're on the list.

Tasha 31:05

I have my own mentor.

unknown 31:07

All right.

Lychee Cocktail And Hard Truths

Steph 31:08

Okay, I think Steph got the last. Yes, we're going into the last cocktail. We're gonna say yes to Lichee.

Tasha 31:17

Now I do love a good Lichi Martinez. Steph, if you mess this up, I'm gonna be real mad. Don't do that. Okay. I didn't mess it up. She didn't.

Star 31:23

I'ma say I've never had a lot of money. Not like the dirty Shirley. See how she talked? And like that dirty Shirley.

Steph 31:30

She didn't even try it. Right. Anywho, so yes, stay late. Yes, so we have the crystal head baca. We got a little bit of lychee syrup and some lemon juice. And then we garnished it with some lychee fruit, which is, by the way, very good. So you should try it. I've had this numerous times.

Star 31:53

Ooh, listen. So cheers. Cheers. I'm here for it. I will say, I've never had one before that I liked. I was like, oop. Is this what's happening? No, it's good.

Lex 32:06

This is good. We got a bartender on our hands.

Steph 32:10

Don't do that. Don't do that, girl.

Lex 32:11

Uh-oh.

Steph 32:12

Don't do that. Take a bigger sip.

Lex 32:16

Not take a bigger sip. No, Steph. This is good. I like it.

Steph 32:20

Okay. That being said, after reading the book, do you have any personal aspirations? And did Shonda bring out something in you that makes you uncomfortable, but you want to change?

Lex 32:32

Oh goodness. Number one, I think she had a whole thing about caring what other people think about you. That currently in this season of my life is my biggest kryptonite. I care way too much about how I'm perceived, about what people are thinking, what people are saying, instead of just stepping into like, you know what? Yeah, I did do that and I was awesome at it. So y'all can suck it. Um and so just I think I just learned the importance of like being confident and even faking confidence until you believe it. Because it's all in practice, right? And so I think that's like the biggest, biggest takeaway. But there was so many things. So many things that I was like, you know what? Hell yeah. Yeah. I need to do that too. But definitely the perceptions and caring what people think about you is really what yoked me up.

Star 33:29

I still for me, it was there were so many moments. There's so many moments. I will actually physically read this book and I will probably listen to it again. It was so dope and way more than I expected. And I think the fact that we went, because we went to see her live when the book came out. She was on tour. We actually were able to go to an event where her and Debbie Allen of that conversation were having a conversation about the book. And I think that made her real. That made her relatable. They were there. We were in the same room. And when I tell you, it was literally like it was like this. She's my best friend. Like she's absolutely part of BGL. Like, I mean she's here. She is right here. So yeah, I think for me, it was the moment where she was talking about the badassery. I shine bright. I'm not mediocre. I'm not regular. And everybody can be extraordinary. And it's okay. No shade. Fine in their hands. And it's fine. And I I'm not judging anyone, but you know what? Like, I am extraordinary. I am. And I am who God made me. And I own that. I live in that. And I'm not gonna apologize for it. I'm not gonna dim my light so that other people can feel comfortable. You know, respectfully. I'm very serious about my boundaries. I own that. I love that. Respectfully, respectfully, no. Respectfully, absolutely not. Respectfully, immediately no. Respectfully, get somebody else to do it. But that is the biggest, biggest thing for me is yes, own who you are. Star shines bright. I do, and do. And I've always said, like, there was a meme or post or something I saw a couple years ago that said, walk into the room like God sent you. I said, and do. Yes. So this just kind of reaffirmed that. And I love that she was reading that book. I love that she was reading that book. Her speeches were so dope. Like, there's and there's so much of her characters. You could see that there was so much of herself in her characters, listening to her read the book, and then everything that, you know, telling her stories. It's like, oh girl, Olivia said that. Like, I I hear what you did there.

unknown 35:59

Yeah.

Representation And Seeing Possibility

Star 36:00

So yeah, that's as far as aspirations go to kind of bring it full circle. Being okay, shining brightly. I'm here for her.

Tasha 36:09

The thing that stood out the most to me in the book was when she talked about, you know, she always gets asked the question of why why is diversity so important? You know, why that's so important. And the way that she answered the question, that is like that stayed with me for sure. So she basically, she's giving this one of her acceptance speeches at some award she was getting, I forget exactly which one. And she was like, look, this is the last time I'm ever gonna answer this question. So if you want to, if you need the answer again, y'all go back and listen. It's gonna be Go ask Oprah. Go ask Oprah the speech where Oprah presented me. I was like So the way she answered the question, first of all, I was like, yes, ma'am, but then her answer too. So she's no, she talks about why diversity is so important, you know, like and why, why, you know, why is it a topic, you know, why people always think about it. And you know, she refers back to, like most of us as parents, we're always, oh, baby, you can be anything you want to be, you can do anything you want to do. But she was like, if you can't imagine things, if you've never seen somebody in that role, if you've never seen, you know, back in the day when the when the Cosby show, you've never seen a black doctor, a black lawyer, like your mind is not even open to imagine that. So it limits you so much. So, yes, representation, diversity in all these spaces is important to even allow people to be able to visualize themselves in those situations. If you've never seen a black astronaut, you may not even know that that's even an option for you. So, yes, it is important, and yes, we're gonna keep talking about it. This is the reason why. And like I said, like that stuck to me so, I mean, coming from like a parent point of view, because I've always told my, oh no, you can be anything, you can be anything, but I it never even dawned to me that their imagination could be limited because they never see, you know, like I just never even looked at it that way. I'm just so I'm thinking I'm being the great, you know, parent. Like, no, I anything you can do, like I'm I'm here, I'm backing you, I'm supporting you. But I never even thought about it from that point of view is that they can't even perceive it because they've never seen it, you know? So I said, so that message in itself, and again, just the way she answered it was like, don't ask me again, just run it back to the recording. Refer to my Hall of Fame acceptance speech. I was like, okay. So yeah, that that was the moment that I took it.

Star 38:23

That was really good. Yeah, that was that was really good. That was very powerful. Um, it was you can't be what you can't see, is what she was saying. And um that was another moment that was extremely relatable for me because I know as a parent, like you said, as a parent, I'm super supportive. Whatever, whatever my child expresses an interest in, I'm like, okay, try it and see. You know, I don't want there to be any limits, but it is also one of the biggest reasons that I did make the decision to move here from California because, you know, growing up, my dad was very, my parents, period, were very outgoing and different. My dad would watch the travel channels. He saw something. Next weekend we were in the car. Like we're going to whatever he saw on TV. So, you know, I appreciate that because I did get to have some experiences that other people didn't have. And I didn't know that it wasn't normal for everyone else because that was that was my norm. So when I came here and visited a couple of times, it was culture shock for me. Yes. So I made the decision and I said, Oh, I need my son to see us doing well. I need my son to see us owning businesses and having homes and driving nice cars like every day. And that is the big thing. That is the biggest thing about Atlanta. It's it's a thing, and it matters because I know growing up, even though I had those expanded experiences, it would, I I recall vividly, oh, oh, a black person's driving that car. Or oh, a black person, you know what I mean? Like it wasn't the norm. So when I came here a couple of times, I said, oh, say less. Like, a lot of black knowledge in Atlanta is a thing.

Lex 40:07

Like, and I can agree with that, especially because I'm st I still am shocked every day. Me too. And I've been here for five years now. I think five years now. And that is the number one reason why if anyone asks me, because people ask all the time, are you gonna move back to Utah? Like, I know you're a West Side girl, like you're gonna go. Absolutely not, because it wasn't until here that I saw a subdivision of black people in multi-million dollar house.

Star 40:33

Come on.

Lex 40:34

And I was like, Oh, y'all ain't the only ones. Oh, that's all it's the whole face of the whole neighborhood. Like, I never experienced that in Syracuse, Utah. We were the only black family in so many situations. Like, yeah, yeah, not one. It was a big deal when another black family moved into our neighborhood. We were like, oh shit. So I 100% agree with that. It's important.

Tasha 41:02

I do want to just like interject real quick, because I was thinking about Star's answer. When she says that she, you know, she walking into a room, like God sent her. Okay, we recently went to the pod fest. What okay, it's not just something she says, it's like legit. Like we show up to the to one of the events, like we come in, it looked like it was standing room only. And the star was like, hold on one second. And she looking up towards the front, and then she's oh and she's made eye contact with a lady at the front of the room, and all of a sudden the lady is showing us, oh yeah, come here. Two seats up in the very front row, like and mind you, the all these other seats are gone. It's like people just standing, they lined up and stuff, and we, I do not know why. And so I was like, oh girl, yeah, I told you we VIP this weekend. No, we immediately get into it. Uh, because yes. We did not have any sort of VIP badge or anything that said that, but we definitely were moving like we were VIP, and somehow that is how we were treated. So it's not just something she says. Shey lives. I just I I was like, all right, girl, let me let me just I believe it. I believe it. I'm with her. I'm with her. I'm with her.

Steph 42:08

I'm following.

Star 42:09

Uh-huh.

Steph 42:09

Right, right, right.

Star 42:10

That is a whole mess. But thank you. I appreciate that. Because hello. Yeah. Hey, how you doing? Uh-huh. That's for me. I see you seeing me. I see you seeing me, see you. Yes. With two. Mm-hmm. Yes, ma'am. Thank you.

Steph 42:25

Thank you.

Star 42:25

Excuse me. Excuse me. Let me get excuse me. I'm sorry. Yeah, excuse me. Yeah. Hello?

Steph 42:33

That is too funny. For me, I think there are several things in the book. The biggest thing was the pre-taping of the Jimmy Kimmel interview. And then her speaking to Dartmouth for her commencement speech. And I think for me, I can relate to like when I say the uncomfortable part, being in the podcast brought a lot of uncomfortability within me. And so reading the book, it was like divine intervention. I said, girl, talk to me. Whisper it every time. And so as she said, as she continued to keep saying yes, as she continued to keep doing it, she got better. And I feel like that's where I need to get with myself. I think this was the perfect book to start off. It was. And for me to read this, it kind of pinpointed a lot of insecurities that I have within myself. I do have a lot of confidence, but the public speaking, the videos, the pictures, I was like, ooh, Sean, can we be BFS? Hey girl, when I tag you in this video, can we be BFS? But we are.

Lex 43:36

Because Shorty said she wanted to poop her pants.

Steph 43:39

Yes. And I get it. Like, I don't want to poop, but I get it, girl. I get it. But I commend her. Like, we're all talented in our own ways, and we all have our own flaws. It's just a matter of working on those flaws. And I feel like that's what she continuously did. She's showing her children, she's showing her sister. Her biggest thing was her sister. Her sister really started this journey for her. And even the her how she talked about her weight gain and eating, like she didn't want to have conversations because she was afraid to have those conversations. She didn't know how to say no, even with the guy she was dating. It was just like the next logical step was to spend your life with them. And she was like, no. And it's like she made all of these weddings. She talks about Christina Yang from Gray's Anatomy, which is a fan favorite character. I mean, love me some Christina. She manifested a character for herself because that's how she envisioned it. And I can appreciate it. I've re-watched it a couple of times, Gray's Anatomy. I've watched all of her shows. So for Shonda, I say yes, girl, anytime. What you got next? Anytime. Anytime. Yeah. I'm here for it. It's beautiful, but I love, love, love her.

Star 44:56

I love her. She's just so cool. Yeah.

Steph 44:59

We can go out golf, girl. Maybe around. Now I can't do 18 holes, but we're not gonna golf.

Final Thoughts And Takeaways

Star 45:04

We I'm not gonna go watch. Final thoughts. Final thoughts on Europe. Yes. Final thoughts on Shonda Rhymes. Final thoughts. What just read it?

Steph 45:15

I say read it. Definitely. Keep it on your bookshelf if you need inspiration. She makes you find it in a good positive way. It's all positivity. It's all love from Shonda. And I think at the end of the day, you could find something within yourself, one thing that you can bring out for the better. And she showed that. And I I'm proud of her for what she did and what she's shown and what she shared with us.

Star 45:41

Yeah. I think for me, like I respect the transparency. The transparency. We're, I think, in a in an age where everybody is so consumed with the presentation of the finished product, right? Like the picture perfect, the thing that everyone should be envious of. So I did appreciate and respect the transparency because at the end of the day, there's always someone that would pay to be in your shoes. And even when you're that person, like for someone like Shonda Rhines outside looking in, she's got it made. Like, what could be her issue? So for her to be transparent and share what she did. And she referenced so many times the chubby girl with the Coke bottle glasses and the two corn rows. Like she mentioned that so many times. Yeah, like that's so I just I re appreciate and respect the transparency.

Steph 46:40

I thank her parents for embracing her for the way she was. Her mom, I mean, being in the pantry counting green beans, yeah, yeah, cans. Like for and her your mom's like, pass me that can, girl. You know, and just embracing that. I think that is a great thing. Man.

Star 46:58

I don't know.

Tasha 46:58

I could go on and on. No, but I was like, I know we gotta wrap up. I I always ask people, I'm like, okay, are you uh ask for permission or ask for forgiveness type of person? And I had one friend I asked her, she's like, neither. And so when I was reading this book, that's the vibe Shonda gives me. Like, she's not asking for permission or forgiveness. She's gonna do what she's been doing and all the badassy of it, and it is what it is. Like, what? Do you have a land? No, she had a whole shot of land. So don't worry about it. Don't worry about what she's doing. Like, but like that was a vibe I got from her. And again, I'm here for it all day, every day. Cheers, cheers, cheers. Yes. No final thoughts, Lex?

Star 47:38

Or cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers. Cheers, cheers. We're here for it.

Lex 47:42

I learned a lot. I'll definitely be rereading it. This may be a book that I reread like every couple years or so, like every five.

Steph 47:50

Motivation, yeah, girl.

Lex 47:52

Just for different because I feel like every time you read it in different phases of your life, you'll probably take something different from it. Um, whatever resonates with you in that time. So I would love to read it when I'm like 39 and see how I feel.

Lit Challenge And Season Tease

Star 48:07

No, not 19, or when you become a parent, or when I become a parent. It's gonna have a different perspective for you when you become a parent for sure. Okay. Before we close, you know the vibe. We always say space for something to sit with, sip on, or carry into your week, a lit challenge to move you, a top for thought to ground you, or a memorable quote from the book that lingers like a good sip. This episode, we explored the power of saying yes, not as a one-time decision, but as an ongoing practice. We talked about fear disguised as comfort, growth that doesn't come all at once, and a courage it takes to choose yourself again and again, even when the yes looks different than it used to. So this week's lit challenge is for you listeners. Say one intentional yes this week. Something small but meaningful. It could be a yes to rest, reaching out, trying something new, or letting something go. Then share it with us. We want to hear what you said yes to and help you celebrate it. Tag us in your post or DM us your yes, and we can't wait to see how it unfolds for you.

Lex 49:15

All right. Okay. Thank you guys.

Star 49:16

And that's it for this episode of Black Girls Lip Podcast, where fine women, fine literature, and fine libations always meet to the words that found you, the poor that held you, and the version of you that showed up to listen. Remember to share us on your favorite social media platforms and make room for someone else at the table. We will be back next time, episode two of season two, our second year, with The Best Man Unfinished Business by Malcolm D. Lee. This continuation of the iconic franchise brings the beloved characters back together for a sexy, soulful, heartbreaking, and hilarious reckoning of love. Until then. Read boldly and sip slowly. Cheers.