Steph 0:22

Step into the lit live. Black girls lit starts now. Black girl at least so complex.

Tasha 0:28

Hey, bookish baddies. And welcome back to Black Girls Literature Girl Tasha.

Steph 0:33

I'm Lex. I'm Star and it's Staff.

Tasha 0:37

All right, y'all. Welcome back. It is May. May is my birthday month. So I will be celebrating. Yes. Yeah, last year I kept it a little low-key. You know, my baby was graduating, but this year I'm very much feeling it's all about me. I will see y'all all throughout May out here in these streets. You deserve that. Oh, well. You deserve that.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

And she's been ready to get in these streets. I am.

Tasha 0:58

I've been settled down a little bit since I had this grandbaby. Grandbaby has been slowing me down. So the streets have been calling me. So yes, I will be celebrating my birth all month long. And um, I plan to see you guys out in these streets some too. But in the meantime, let's go ahead and kick off this episode. What are we sampling today, Lex?

Lex 1:18

All right. So you've seen her before if you have followed us from the very beginning, and we hope you have. But Fiddler Whiskey is back. Just a little bit about Fiddler. Fiddler Whiskey is a celebrated American bourbon line from the ASW Distillery right here in Atlanta. So this whiskey is an Atlanta native. One of the city's most awarded craft distillers. The brand name comes from how the team fiddles with different whiskeys, mash bills, finishes, and cast treatments to create a unique flavor profile. Okay. So this should be a good, a good complex whiskey side.

SPEAKER_00 2:03

Fiddling. Fiddling with whiskey. Oh spicy. It is definitely giving spicy here.

Lex 2:11

Now I will say there are actually two types, renditions, if you will, of the whiskey that we're gonna be tasting today. So the one that we took a shot of is their toasted whiskey, but then they also have the weeded one, which I believe is in at least one of our cocktails, two of our cocktails today. So we'll be tasting both. So hopefully y'all can feel the different tastes.

Tasha 2:37

So let me tell you, this would get you quite toasted.

Lex 2:40

Yeah, I'm warm.

Tasha 2:41

My insides is warm. I was just thinking, and I don't know if the thing is the thing about these BGL shot glasses, they're not really shot glasses, they're like mini cocktail tumblers. And sometimes some of these hosts are a little heavy-handed, and some of these quote unquote taste shots be they'd be a little deep.

SPEAKER_00 2:57

This one was not, though, that deep. It's about right. It's about one ounce. It's about one ounce. Yeah. But if you break the cup into thirds, it's about an ounce.

Lex 3:07

It was definitely to like. Oh, mine's mine was. So someone trapped me this episode.

Tasha 3:13

All right. So I'm gonna watch mine.

Steph 3:15

I wasn't the poorer.

Tasha 3:16

I did like I did like it. I was a poorer. It was good. Um, but again, my insides are still toasted. They're warm, just on fire. Absolutely.

About The Author and Book

Lex 3:24

On fire. But anyway, Steph, tell us about our book this month.

Steph 3:29

Okay, let's get into this unfinished business written by Malcolm D. Lee and Jane Allen. They it reunites us with the beloved crew from the best man universe. But this time the focus isn't just nostalgia, it's reckoning. Harper Stewart is recently divorced, riding high off of his Pulitzer Prize win and living what should feel like his best life. On paper, he's successful, free, elevated, but emotionally he's blocked, restless, still circling something he never fully resolved. Jordan Armstrong has physically removed herself, leaving New York, leaving the corporate grind, and attempting to leave Harper in the past. From Malibu, she presents a heel-grounded version of herself, but distance doesn't always equal closure. And then there's Robin, who's rebuilt her life in Ghana, creating peace, purpose, and protection from herself and her daughter, Mia. She's determined not to repeat old patterns until life forces Harper back into her orbit in ways she didn't anticipate. At its core, this isn't just a reunion story. It's about second acts, about whether success, distance, and time actually changes us or just refine the roles we already play. Surrounded by their chosen family, Harper, Jordan, and Robin are forced to confront the question none of us, none of them fully answered years ago. Can love evolve or does it simply resurface?

Tasha 5:06

Okay. All right, yes. So we have realizing a review. So we also like, ooh. Okay, so I mean, as we said, we're revisiting our friends from the whole Best Man series. You know, that was we we watched the movie, we watched the final chapters, we went now. We jump jumping into this unfinished business. Let's see how we felt about it, ladies.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

And please understand that unfinished business, it's a trilogy. So we're not, we're far from done.

Lex 5:31

We are far from done with the stuff. Yes, but also definitely watch the movie and watch the series before reading this book. I mean, you could probably catch some context clues, but you're not gonna feel the book unless you really you watch the movie.

Ratings And Why It Missed

Tasha 5:49

Yeah, you watch both movies, watch the final chapters, which is weird. We had the final chapters, then now all of a sudden a trilogy of books, but we're not gonna question how these writers are living their life. We're not. All right, Malcolm, it's okay. But ladies, let's see how we felt about this book. We're gonna jump right into our ratings. Y'all know how we do. Cheers is four stars, Sip is three, babysit is two, send it back, is a one. I'll go ahead and start first. I'm gonna give it. This was hard for me to come. I do a sip. I'm going three stars. And I've some of that is some of that, gosh. Some of that is tied to because I mean, I'm connected to the people because I've I've been in since the early 2000s, you know, when I watched the first movie. So it is kind of like, you know, checking back in with your old friends. There's definitely some things I would that I that were lacking in the book. Um, but yeah, overall, I'll give it three stars. I I didn't hate it. What's up, Lex?

Lex 6:47

I think I'm gonna do a babysit. Only because I think kind of what you were saying, this is definitely a nostalgic read. If you have watched the movies and did the TV shows and all of that, like it's definitely very nostalgic to that time in television and black television. Um, and honestly, the writing I had no problem with. The writing was really well done. I think we've talked about it a lot in this podcast. The art of being able to switch voices. I think that the author did a really good job of like switching the narratives throughout the book because this book is three perspectives, so that's very difficult to do. I think the reason for my low rating is just the storyline in general. Very toxic, very immature. I expected more from people who are in this grown and sexy era of their life. Yeah, they were very trifling. So that's why I'm giving it a two, but that's not because of the writing or the skill behind it. It was truly the characters were being ghetto as hell. So yeah, babysit.

SPEAKER_00 8:02

This was a difficult one for me too. I wanted to completely love it and give it a cheer, but I cannot, alas. However, we're doing it for the culture and we got history. I feel like I grew up with these characters. They grown, I'm grown. I I can understand and relate to where we are right now. So it's gonna be three stars, a sip for me. I do agree, there were some things that I just expected, I expected more from definitely from my girl Jordan. Harper, you know, it's whatever. Robin, I've never been a fan, so true to life. Like she is not, she ain't it. She never was.

SPEAKER_05 8:40

Even from the movie? Even from the movie.

SPEAKER_00 8:42

She's always been anyway. We'll talk about it. Yeah, we'll get to it. It's a sip for me.

Steph 8:48

Steph. Well, since I'm over here in this last chair, I'm gonna represent some. I'm gonna have to send it back. I'm gonna give it one star, and the one star is for the writing. That's all you get from me. That's it. She hated the plot. So harsh. Very. I couldn't. I think to piggyback with everybody saying, you know, with the movies and the series, it was like growth is coming. Yeah. And when I read that, I did not get it's just too much has transpired in this 20-year time frame from the wedding to me uh to Lance's wife passing away. I forgot her name. Mia. Mia, and then now they're divorced, all of this stuff. And to be where we are, it's still a little messy. It's still a little messy. And I understand you needed a book. So we needed a story.

Lex 9:45

But also, let's say, let's let's not let's be honest and say, and I may be the only one standing on this, but the whole damn series is messy. From the movie through the second movie to the series to the so like he definitely kept the consistent messiness of the character. Like, best man has always been messy as hell. You always has been.

Steph 10:10

I think it's because of the 20 years later and we're still messy. I think it's just like, what? What? But I'm 20 years later and I found growth.

Tasha 10:18

We feel like we grew up. Why haven't y'all? Correct. Like we don't figure stuff out. Well, we watched the first move, like we were like the same age as them. So we're kind of like, well, we're grown now. What? Why y'all like that? That thing, like maybe that's what it is.

Steph 10:31

No, but we're gonna get into it. Let's see. Yeah, let's find out. Maybe it'll conjure all of this together to see why we I think they got every rating today.

Lex 10:40

Almost. We just did not give it away. Oh no check no cheers. But I do think this is the most across the board we've been, like since we started the podcast. So that's very interesting.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

It's starting, I rarely agree. That's weird. Yeah. I wanted to give it a cheer. I didn't.

Steph 10:56

Oh, it's Tasha's birthday. You just agree with it.

History Versus The Person Now

SPEAKER_00 10:58

You you give it her early birthday gift? Yes. Yes. I'm working on being more agreeable. Because that's that's what they say. Works. I don't know. We'll see what happens. I agree. I'm ready for a drink. What you wrong stuff? Let's let's do it. Okay. So our first. Who put the lid in Black Girl's Lit? Okay. All right. Our first cocktail tonight, we're calling it History on the Rocks. Okay. And it is the BGL version of the classic whiskey sour. Smooth, balanced, and timeless. 20 plus years later, and it's still complicated, just like the story we're diving into. So let's go. Lil whiskey sour. Now, what'd you put in this? Now, what's in here? We got little fiddler whiskey, some simple syrup, and some lemon juice. Real straightforward, simple, and to the point. You know.

Lex 11:50

And that is what it tastes like.

SPEAKER_00 11:52

Whiskey sour, yeah.

Lex 11:53

Yeah. All right, buddy. I can't. I mean, it's a classic cocktail. You can't really mess that up.

SPEAKER_00 11:58

You can't mess that up.

Tasha 12:00

It is really, it's putting out the fire that this straight shot me. Yeah. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 12:06

Good job. Absolutely. All right. So as we sip, let's start with Robin and Jordan. We're in the middle of this 20-plus year love triangle, and both of these women are still sorting out their feelings for Harper. Not just romantically, but emotionally. So the first question is twofold. When history runs this deep, is it about the person in front of you or the version of yourself you were when you first loved them? And also, between Robin and Jordan, who's loving Harper as he is now versus who's holding on to the person that he was in the past? So this is a deep question. It's a little complex, but I feel like it's gonna set the stage for dive into the ratings.

Tasha 12:52

I like the question, but I will say it's hard to answer that because they both like always been there. I do think that Jordan's love for him, it is gonna be different because I think Jordan's love is definitely that little bit of always like what could have been, you know, like, oh, you know, if we woulda, shoulda, coulda back in college, and then like that whole thing. So maybe she is more so holding on to what could have been. Robin did like love him through everything. She tried to be there as best as she could. Actually, you know what? You know who made me not like Robin. Robin, Robin was there. She was she was there with him alone, encouraging him and pushing him. So I think she, okay, now I just talk myself into an answer. Jordan loves the young who Harper was then in like the really like nostalgic old Harper. Robin has the adult Harper, I think.

Lex 13:49

I think it comes down to just to answer, because this is a twofold question. So, but to answer the latter part, going into what you were talking about. I think that the difference is like that's not it's not to say that Robert, not Robert, Robin and Harper were not friends, but it's very evident that Jordan and Harper, like that friendship runs deep. So like I feel like Harper was able to truly be himself, whether it was raggedy or not, with Jordan, because it was platonic. Like, yes, they had had a few slip-ups, they had done whatever, but at the end of the day, he could be raggedy with her. Whereas with Robin, it was very much okay, this is a marriage, this is a uh a partnership. Like, I just feel like he had to present almost wear his husband hat full time with Robin. Whereas with Jordan, she knew who he was outside of being like the husband Harper. And so that makes the relationship a little different, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_00 14:56

So, first of all, I don't like Robin. Um, let me be very clear. Yeah, let me like Robin. I want to know why Robin. I never liked Robin. She just always came across very insecure to me from the very beginning. She was insecure, and I feel like she should have tapped out long before it became this, and you end up making the decision that you made, which is a anyway. Wait a minute. She should have tapped out way before the marriage should have never had. So you feel like she was since day one. She never should have. I I feel like she never should have married him. She never should agree to that. And I felt that she did because of her insecurities. She was insecure about the relationship that him and Jordan had. She always was. Even if you think to the first movie and then the first movie. The movie at the holiday when they went to Lance and Mia's for the holiday, she still had a whole moment. Like she knew that they were friends and they were all always gonna be friends. They all had history because it's been messy since the beginning, right? They all had history. She was not she was not going anywhere. So if Robin wasn't going to be okay with Jordan being around all the time, she should have opted out from the beginning. But she's like, You don't think she was okay?

Lex 16:21

I think that's giving Jordan way too much power because at the end of the day, Harper was married to Robin. And I feel like any, I feel like any wood woman would be insecure when like there keeps being this common denominator of like you're slipping up, and every time you slip up, this woman is involved, but also y'all are best friends. So like I don't know But that's what I'm saying. But I feel like a lot of that was on Jordan's. But they were married.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

But they weren't always married. Robin and Harper were not always married. So why didn't you remember? Why did Robin, if that was the case, to your point, right? This is what it is. You see, this is their relationship, like this woman she's gonna be around, whatever the case may be. But I'm going to agree to marry you anyway, in the hopes of what? Like, what did you think was gonna happen? That she was just gonna go away and not be there. They were all friends anyway. So you can't have a best friend that's a woman. You absolutely can, but if you're secure, it's about being respectful. It's about being secure, first of all, in your relationship, and it is about being respectful. I personally don't feel like Jordan was disrespectful outside of you know that first situation before they were even married when they were just dating.

Lex 17:40

They had two situations though. Because remember, at the end of the series, they had slipped up too.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

Yeah, but at the end of the series, it wasn't a slip. I don't, that's the whole thing I'm saying. I don't, I don't think it's ever a slip up. I think it was very intense. I think it was a bound out. Jordan and Harper should have always been together. They should have. If they would have worked out or not, it's the case. They should have always been together. Robin made herself collateral damage because she was insecure and she should have just opted out from the beginning. So to go to the question, when when the history, when the history is this deep, is it about the person in front of you or the version of yourself you were when you first loved them? I think in this case, it was about the versions of themselves when they first, right? When there was, when they first loved each other. So for Jordan and Harper when they were in school, like they always referenced, you know, this friendship and this relationship that they built when they were in college. And then for Robin, the same thing. I think when she first met Harper, she was, you know, all in love and at the idea of who he could be, to your point, Tasha, supporting his goals and his dreams and all of that. But once the reality set in, right, of who he actually is, like Harper is the fuckboy of the group. Like he presents as, you know, but it's always like he's always the problem to some extent. But as far as Jordan and Robin loving him for who he actually is, I think Jordan accepted him more for the person that he actually was, and to somebody's point, because their relationship was platonic to begin with. So you could, he could be a mess, like the good, the bad, the ugly, right? Your friends see all of you versus the representative that you present when you're dating.

Tasha 19:39

Raman loved him through all that too. She loved who he was, and he was the one who could not give her what she needed. And he was selfish. She did not love who I was.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

She did not love who he was because who he was was a selfish, he was self, he was always who he was, self-centered, selfish, like even with the issues that he constantly had with Lance in their situation, like Harper. You gotta man up. Like, man up and had a conversation with your boy, like, hey, I need help, or this is what's going on. But Harper was all he's always been who he is, like out for Harper.

Steph 20:16

Correct. And unconfrontation.

SPEAKER_00 20:17

Period. That's always who he has been. Whatever works for Harper, whoever's going to support Harper. Yes, the Entourage of Harper. And Robin was the entourage. Like she was the, yes, my man. I'm gonna stand in the corner and cheer. And then when she finally realized he wasn't changing because he wasn't changing to be who she was, then all of a sudden, Harper was always who he is.

Tasha 20:45

I think I'm just now like the way you explain it, I'm just not realizing, like, you know, as far as like the whole series goes, he's always been the hero and the villain. I don't know if he's ever been the hero.

SPEAKER_05 20:54

Well, I mean, but like I guess they're not gonna be a good thing.

Lex 20:55

He's been the hero in disguise. Rather, the movie, the series, and the book were all surrounded, were about him. He's the main character. So he was the archetype, the archetype, is that what they called it? Or like the main character. But he's not necessarily good or bad.

SPEAKER_01 21:12

Like, I think he's just Harper. You have a main character energy?

Steph 21:16

So for me, it's more of raw. I feel like Robin is the now. No, Jordan is the now. Because Jordan has seen, like everybody has said, good, bad, and ugly. Robin, I think she's done. Robin is just like, I know who he is and what he can do. She sees the compassion, but she's done. She wants stuff for herself. She wants, she wants to be loved and cared for. So I don't think Robin is in the equation for Harper. And Robin realized he's never gonna change. Well, yeah, I mean, that's why she's just that's why, and it's she's you divorced him because of that. You divorced him, and now here he comes running. And you know, there are dynamics in their relationship that I don't agree with. With I'm not a fan of Robin. Robin, girl, I agree in the beginning, they should have never continued the relationship. I thought eventually, I feel like Jordan and Harper's story should have started sooner than when it did, when it did.

Tasha 22:14

So did Robin make the mistake? I think she a lot of people make up thinking that they're gonna change, and you think that he's gonna become what I need him to be. And that so the point where she was fed up where she was done at the end, like the in the television series, it was because she realized, oh, even 20-something years in, oh, you're never gonna change.

Lex 22:35

And so she just woke up and was like, but I I don't know, y'all. I still feel like we can't put all of that on her because also Harper, Harper is not innocent. Like, he doesn't get to get off just because this is Harper is how he is, and Robin should have known. No, he gave her every reason to believe that he was changing, that he was trying to do what was best for her and his family, but then he would obviously be who he actually was and would slip up. And I think that like he definitely should be reprimanded for that because you're lying.

SPEAKER_00 23:13

But he never you're lying, but that's the whole thing. He never did, like he tried if you got it.

Lex 23:19

He tried, it wouldn't last long, but he would try to be a good man.

Steph 23:23

Did he really try though? He tried for two days.

SPEAKER_00 23:25

He said, he tried for two days. I do think that Harper Harper tried to maintain the picture, right? But it was never for Robin. It was always for Harper. It was always the vision, the picture, the goals that Harper had for himself. It was never about, it was never about Robin.

Lex 23:49

So then who do we hate? Robin or Harper? I hate Robin.

Steph 23:54

So here's the the reason. It hits Harper because Harper, the thing is, Harper is like, you are an insecure man too. And you need these people around you to uplift you to make sure you're writing the best piece that you're going to write. Why does it take all of that? And then you're the cause of the demise for you to get back to where you need to be so you could write the book. And then you know why he is off. Y'all the pissed.

Lex 24:17

And you know why he's also the most insecure? Because yes, he went all the way to Ghana because of the daughter. But also he admitted while he was there, I didn't want you to be happy when I wasn't happy. He said that. He said I was jealous that you had found somebody else. Meanwhile, he was fucking everything in New York. That part. So it's like, no, he doesn't get off as, oh, this is just how Harper is. Nah, he fucking. And I'm y'all can bleep that out. Yeah. But yeah, like he knew. Now that y'all know you don't get to have your cake and we not do all this bleeping now.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

Y'all better watch your mouth. So I'm here's the thing, I'm not watching my mouth. But listen, everything that you guys are saying is absolutely true. This is listen, don't miss my point. The reason why Robin is my issue, because as a woman, y'all know I'm Miss I N D E P E N D T. Okay. Miss Independent. So my issue is you as a woman, we as women, we get to assess, we get to see, we get to make a decision, right? She made a decision because she expected him to become who she was in the relationship. And when he did not change who he was, all of a sudden now she gets to play victim. Woe is me. And I'm not with that shit. Like, I'm not with women making conscious decisions about life choices or their circumstances or whatever the case may be. And then when it doesn't work out or doesn't manifest the way you willed it to, or the way you hoped it would, then you get to make them the villain because your story didn't play out. You see what I'm saying? Like Harper is a villain. He, but just because that's who he is, period. Like he is who he is. Okay. That doesn't make him a good guy. It doesn't make him a bad guy. But Robin, you get to play victim now? You know who he was? You knew who he was. You came to when from the beginning. When you got there to the wedding and all the and you found out what had happened, you should have left his ass then. But you didn't because you were insecure and you said, Oh, I know what'll make it better. Yes, let me agree to marry this man.

Tasha 26:40

Fuck out of here.

Steph 26:41

She thought maybe there was gonna be growth in the relationship.

Tasha 26:44

All right. Okay, well, well, my guys. Are we ready for a drink in discussion number two? Because if y'all did not already know, but it's two of the co-hosts is pissed off right now. Star and Steph. And I they both mad. And these people in these books, they they mad at them. And I I don't know how else to say it.

Steph 27:04

The trilogy will not be finished on this end.

Tasha 27:06

I'll probably gotta read it, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:10

For sure. I'm gonna finish it. We've been in this for 20 years. We will.

Tasha 27:14

We've been in a relationship with the people for 20 years now. There's no way we can't not finish this story.

Steph 27:19

So we must. I'll get the cliff notes. Thanks, Prince.

Tasha 27:22

Steph said, tell me about it, because I'm not reading it. So if y'all, if somewhere in season three is an episode where Steph is missing, it's because we decided to do the other two books throughout shows. And she was individual reading, standing on business.

Healing Or Reacting To Old Wounds

Lex 27:38

I said, I'm not reading it. I'm not reading it. All right, well, shall we move to the next cocktail? This is my cocktail. Hopefully, y'all like it. It is called not shit. Sip happens. Sip does happen. And this one is made with the toasted version of the whiskey. So it's kind of like a boozy blood orange, like a boozy orange sickle type thing. That's what it's supposed to be. But y'all let me know if it's good or not. The color is pretty. I do like the color. Cheers.

Tasha 28:12

Cheers. It's very much giving creamsicle. Y'all like it.

SPEAKER_00 28:16

It's good. It is. I wasn't expecting that.

Tasha 28:19

I know. It is on the creamsickle. What's in it that makes it like the little creaminess of the vanilla syrup?

Steph 28:24

The vanilla syrup.

Tasha 28:25

Vanilla syrup.

Lex 28:26

Okay. Okay, so with that, the discussion is in the best man unfinished business. When emotions resurface and old wounds reopen, do you think the characters are truly healing or just reacting? At what point does sit happen become accountability instead of an excuse? And so maybe we should give a good example of maybe what this question should be pertaining to, maybe?

Tasha 28:57

I was gonna say the one person star, please do not come across the table at me. I'm not the one person who I felt like really was like growing and like and not just, I mean, you know, like it was doing the work. Truly, I do feel was Robin. Like she she was really like doing the work. What part of the Twilight Zone am I in? I do think she did. She was like, she was doing the work to make the changes necessary. Yes, and she was definitely on like a journey. She did different things, tried different things, stuff, but she was constantly searching for like this level of peace that she was needing in her life. And she was doing like along everywhere, every step along the journey, she was putting the work, she was making the changes. Okay, well, hey, no, this is not working, and willing to find the peace that she needed, and I feel like that she actually did come to that place and have an understanding of herself, her self-worth. And even if she did jump into a situation ship early on in the movie, like, girl, why you married him? I feel it maybe it took 20 something years, but I feel like at the end, when it like after doing the work, she did choose herself. And she was very adamant in what that looked like. Now, again, I didn't agree with all her decisions, but it's not linear. This is true. But I if we talk about all the characters, because in the book, the book just mainly focused on Jordan Harper and Robin. Um, of the three of them, I feel like she was the one that really was putting the work and living like a healing journey and trying to actually make some positive changes.

Steph 30:37

I would agree. I would agree, Robin, and then Jordan. Jordan, Jordan was seeing her worth. She quit that corporate world she was living in and working, and now she was she was seeing she needed to work on herself and she wanted more, especially her health declined, and that was one of the main reasons. That's true. Um, but I feel like Robin was the one doing more of the healing. She discussed her first baby that she miscarried, and you know, so I think that's a part of the journey. Harper, did the journey start?

Tasha 31:11

Harp Harper was harpering. He was harpering.

Steph 31:14

So yeah.

Lex 31:14

I feel like he was more so healing from the act of the divorce rather than addressing the issues in himself.

Steph 31:23

Just a narcissistic person.

Lex 31:25

For sure. For sure.

Steph 31:26

And very selfish. And he still didn't work on himself because it was one of those things. It's like, now you see things, and yes, you use an excuse, like you listen to your 11-year-old child. Like I was with Jordan. I'm not saying he shouldn't have reacted the way he did, but call first, see what's going on, take, let's take a step back, let's see what's going on. The thing is, this is where I feel like Harper's so immature because you don't know how to pick up the phone and call somebody and have a conversation. How old are we?

Tasha 31:56

Well, and listen, so SIP does not have to happen. Some, I mean, at some point, you're able to take control over what is going to happen. It doesn't have to just sit back and just, oh well, just, oops, I'm happy. I just I reacted and now look where we are. I pulled that one card out, and the whole deck just fell apart. I I'm so baffled as to how we ended up here. Like it doesn't, it does not have to be like that.

Steph 32:19

It doesn't. It's very frustrating.

Tasha 32:21

Star is about to explode. Go ahead. It's just because she hates Robin.

SPEAKER_00 32:25

I just and and I I'm definitely jaded and biased, um, for sure. Now I will say, Jordan's my girl, always has been. From the beginning, she's always been my girl. Very take charge, career-minded. I know what I want. I'm gonna go get it. Like I'll play soft and quiet for a little bit, but as soon as I see it's not yielding the results that I'm expecting, I have to move on and do other things. So she's always been very take action to me, even from the beginning, where she was like, yo, tonight's the night I'm about to go get it. Like, what's up? So she's always been, she's always been my girl. So as far as doing the work, I'm gonna have to say Jordan. Because again, to her knowing her worth and making the appropriate changes, distancing herself, setting boundaries about what was acceptable, what was not in her career, in her relationships, in her friendships, from her parents to her friends to whatever. Like, I just feel that collectively across the board, when there's been action that has to be taken and decisions that have to be made for the better of Jordan, right? No matter how hurtful or painful it may be, she's always done that. Now, we did get a little introduction in this book that she has, she may have some family stuff going on, right? Some deeper things that are probably gonna get addressed in the trilogy, which is why we have to read it to see. But um we have to read it, not stuff. Yeah, we have to read it. Stuff's out. But Robin, nah, man, nah. Because even if you say she did the work and she's doing all the things, and you divorced this man again from the whole point of even getting married to begin with. But you did that, you went through that whole thing, had this whole ass kid and all these things, divorced this man, move to the other side of the world, and still don't have any boundaries. She still didn't have any boundaries. When he showed up, when he showed up, what happened? And we don't have to get into it, but I'm just saying this work that she did and these these things that she did to grow and do the work and all that, she left, dropped all of that again. No, yeah, she did. Did y'all forget? Did y'all forget what happened with them at the end? And how the and how the next book is gonna potentially start and where the mess is going to continue.

Tasha 35:01

You got to give Robin more credit. Absolutely. No, she definitely had those boundaries out there. She had those boundaries. And once a while, a mistake was made, but no, she definitely was holding to her boundaries.

SPEAKER_01 35:11

You see the question.

Lex 35:13

Because there, because yes, and again, I think it goes back to healing is not linear, and that's not to say that like she did not backslide with what she did at the end of the book. Like, she absolutely did backslide and like their boundaries faltered, but to say that she did less work than Jordan, I I don't agree. I feel like Jordan has an issue with control, and that's all that it comes down to. And you think that's the way that's the same. The minute she's not able to control the narrative or control the situation, she starts spiraling out of control and she bounces on to the next thing because she's realizes, oh, I don't have control of this thing, and it's scaring me because I'm starting to be vulnerable. So I'm gonna go to something that I do have control over and I'm gonna lean into that. And an example of that is when she did have the breakdown with Harper, when Harper left and she was spiraling, which I feel like she did, she did a lot. I feel like there should have been more communication on both ends of that. She just took a grain of salt and ran with it. But as soon as she started going to therapy, and then when the therapist asked, like, how you've been, what's been going on, she boop, boop, boop, hung up the phone because she could not address the hard things that she was dealing with. And that is because she felt like she was losing control of the situation. So she does that with everything. She does it with everything. She does it. So as far as healing goes, I feel like Robin is the only person that actually looked their issue in the face and acknowledged it. Maybe didn't, it wasn't linear and it wasn't pretty, but she actually acknowledged the issues and she eventually found her way back to what she was looking for. But unfortunately, there were ramifications to what it took to get her back to being grounded again. But Jordan, she just has an issue with control. That's all it is.

SPEAKER_00 37:19

So two things. First of all, y'all did made me break my fan. Um God. But I, you know, we can agree to disagree. We can agree to disagree. But I I just want to say again though, let me see. Do you think the characters are truly healing or just reacting? I think that all of them to some extent are just reacting. Let's keep it a book. They're, I think they're all reacting to some extent. Harper for sure. Harper for sure is reacting to the phone. Harper and Jordan reacted to push them. Robin Robin reacted too. Like, what are you reacting to? That one time. How many times do it take to be relevant to the question?

Steph 38:04

Jordan and Harper is. Okay, you're right, but that but Jordan and Harper is like a whole meal. You got the appetizer, the main course, dessert with them, with the whole thing. Robin, Robin gave you a dessert, and now all of a sudden she's part of the whole equation. Nothing. She was already looking at Brian. She was already looking at Brian like he the next meal. Let me slide back.

Lex 38:30

And even when he said nah, she was shook for a second. Like she regrouped and like bounced back. But even she was like, oh shit, he don't want no, he don't want no cool. Right. He don't want none of that.

SPEAKER_00 38:41

What is this about then?

Steph 38:42

Business.

SPEAKER_00 38:43

All of a sudden it's crazy. But you know. All right. We I was not a fan. No, we're gonna be. Clearly, I don't like Robin. I said that from the beginning. That's all it is.

Tasha 38:53

You're just gonna it appears as though maybe you don't like Robin. I might not. And that's all it is.

SPEAKER_00 38:59

That's that's sort of what I'm getting. And it's she's just not my type of chick.

Love After 40 And Strategy

Steph 39:05

Right. So we're gonna go into this dancing mule, our cocktail, our third cocktail with our fiddler whiskey weeded. So with the dancing mule, you have a little bit of the whiskey and some ginger beer and some lime juice and a splash of some bitters. So hopefully you guys enjoy it. I love a mule too.

SPEAKER_00 39:28

I was just gonna say that. I was like, the thing about Black Girls Lid is we gonna make a mule. Or anything. Like, please understand. You can make a mule with whatever you want to. Any piece of liquid.

Steph 39:39

Yes, and we are here to do the thing. As we sip, let's get into the third discussion. We love it. We hate it.

Tasha 39:47

It's it's okay. You know, this thing. Y'all and I'm you know, ginger beers, it's a I'm not a ginger beer. Y'all know, and I understand that ginger is the black, is the black folks cure all and everything. And I'm gonna go.

Lex 40:01

So ginger ale, not ginger beer. Because there's actually no ginger in ginger ale. Are you serious? Yeah, it was a thing on social media black folks just be making shit of. Oh my gosh. That's why Canada Dry was getting sued there for a minute.

SPEAKER_00 40:15

Because there's no ginger. There are, but there are some ginger rails that have real ginger in ginger beer. There are some ginger ales, I think, that have real ginger in them. Aren't there? We'll have to Google that.

Tasha 40:26

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 40:27

But listen, anyways, anyways, here's what we're not here to do. We're not here to debunk any um historically black uh curables. That's not what we sold the medicine. It's sold a medicine. It's a cure all. Don't even worry about me.

Tasha 40:42

Meanwhile, I don't really love a mules, but I mean this this mule is it's okay. It's okay.

SPEAKER_00 40:47

Thanks, Tasha. It's okay. You know, she just trying to get back at you because we haven't liked it. Yeah. It's all different.

Tasha 40:55

The last two for the fans of the show who watched the last two episodes, y'all know that they did not like my last two drinks. And I'm two. I thought it was one. No, it was two. It was two.

SPEAKER_01 41:05

What was the other one you made outside of the Shirley Temple? It was it was something else before that. No, that Aperol Sprint. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 41:20

You're right, you're right, you're right. Now back to our regularly scheduled program. Because I was so petty. Sorry.

Steph 41:29

Sorry. So we're gonna go into discussion number three.

Tasha 41:32

Let's talk about it because I I still have some work to do in my therapy.

Lex 41:39

We just need to take a bartending class or two. That's all. Sure. That's all. Anyways, put that on the list. Take us to the third question.

Steph 41:47

Okay. What does this story say about love after 40? Do people truly get better in their 40s romantically or just more strategic?

Tasha 41:57

Okay, I'm gonna say about being in your 40s. Because you know, I feel like I've I've been here the longest. And I'm gonna I'm gonna own that. I think that I can't speak for the characters in this book because I don't know if I've seen all their growth, but me in my 40s, I feel like at a certain point, you know yourself so well that whether it's romantic relationships, friendships, work, everything, you just kind of like you, you're like really good on what you're good with and what you're not good with. And so I think definitely when it comes to romance, I think it can be harder for people because you're your blank, I you know yourself so much, you're like, I'm oh no, I'm not putting up with that. No, that no, this it's a medium, it's already a no. Like, you walk in the door, and I no, it's a no. You're like, you're just non-bending in so many different areas. So I do think it sometimes does get to be harder as far as romance goes. But I will say, in terms of like friendships, I feel like I've had, I've formed some of my closest friendships in my 40s because I easily can spot like my people, and I'm not being friends with somebody just because, oh well, you know, like I'm like just to be accepted with anybody, I'm not, I don't know, because I'm with or without you, I'm good. So hey, we are we don't worry, you ain't gonna hang out. Don't worry about it. Um so I said I do think like in terms of relationships, I think it's harder, but friendship, relationships, stuff like that, I do feel like um it's it's good. Being your 40s, like when you get to a point where you know yourself, I think it's a great place to be.

Steph 43:30

I think it's a combination of both with the romantic and strategic part of it over your 40s because at this point you know what you want, you know what you like and don't like. At that point, it's when you meet somebody. Now, when you're talking about love in your 40s, it's different because you're meeting people that have established lives already. So people could have been married, divorced, kids, no kids, lived in different places, various things. And you're by the time you get into your 40s, so Prime example, Robin meeting Quasey. Quacy is technically still married, but living his life. And does that happen in your 20s? You don't really experience that in your 20s, but in your 40s, you're open, you have to be more open to different situations, is what I'm trying to say, in regards to is it what kind of relationship? And you have to be strategic if you're being romantic, because it's Robin has a whole kid and you're trying to date her. He has a whole, he has a whole life in a different, you know, in London. And so he had a kid too, didn't he? Yeah, he has a kid. And a wife and a wife. So the thing is like it just. So I think, yes, I think I mean That's a whole nother conversation. Y'all know we can't go there. That's a whole nother conversation. I think so. Yes, I think with the.

Tasha 44:48

I was talking to y'all for an hour on that situation.

Steph 44:51

I think it is strategic, of course, when it comes to love and the romance of it all, because life is different in your 40s. But is it strategic or is it just you're smarter? Like you Well, I mean, you can make it work now. Finding you can make it work. Look at Harper jumping on a plane overnight. Who does that?

SPEAKER_00 45:11

Well, he's a fool. Harper's definitely a fool. Because going all the way to Ghana is crazy because your 11-year-old calls you like having a tantrum.

Lex 45:19

But so here's here's what I think on this question. So I one, I'm not in my 40s, so I can't fully speak on like the experience of dating or being romantic in that era of my life. But I will say that I know one thing that I learned very early in my 20s is that I think, especially as a, and not to say that 40 is old, but y'all know what I mean when I say like a young person, like a young person between the years of like 18 to 23. I think, or even younger than 18. I feel like sometimes we put people who are in a higher age bracket on a pedestal. So we think that they have it all figured out and surely they can't be going through the same bullshit that I'm going through. And when I get to that age, I'm gonna have it figured out, I'm gonna know what to do. And I have learned that whether you are 23 or 53, if you have not taken the time to learn yourself and develop yourself and heal yourself, you will be just as raggedy as a 23-year-old and you are in you are 53. I think that has been the most eye-opening experience for me to see that, okay, like humanizing people that are older than me. Like, okay, y'all are still y'all are still going through the same shit that I'm going through. It's just in a different time in your life. Or y'all still think still think this way, just like I think it, but you're just a little older than me. And I think that this book really highlighted that because the way these people were acting, you would think they were in that 18 to 23-year-old range, but really they're not in that. And so it just shows me that this is everyone's first time at life. This is everybody's first experience, and we're doing the best that we can, or we're doing what we think is the right thing to do, or what we've learned is the right thing to do, but that doesn't mean that like we can't change that idea and grow, even if that growth happens when you're in your 40s or your 30s, or hell, your 60s. Yeah, we're all experiencing life for the first time.

SPEAKER_00 47:34

I was just telling my son that the other day, like, we had to have a come to Jesus moment, as we often do. Cause, oh child. But anyway, yeah, like we are, this is everybody's first time. Everyone's first time. Everybody's first time in my life for sure. And people, for the most part, have good intentions, right? And you can only, you know, you learn and you grow as you go through life and as you experience different things, right? So I do as far as the question, love after 40. So I am the single one, right, at the table. And I think as far as love after 40 goes, so I'm definitely in the in the 40 club, to knowing yourself, knowing yourself, knowing what is acceptable, knowing your boundaries, what you're willing to deal with, and what you're not willing to deal with. I do think that it does become more strategic because there's a point you're not dating for potential anymore. You know what I mean? It's not necessarily what can me and this person build, right? Like what can we build together? It's well, you you good, you got you, I got me, like where you want to go, where you want to link, what you want to do. You know what I mean? It's companionship, it's more about companionship, right? Um, and also in that is I think the idea of I want what I want, period, right? And how much am I willing to or going to compromise or sacrifice at this stage in life? Not much, right? Because the alternative is I'm good, you know. Like you said, like I'm good with the friendships I have, I'm good with the relationships that I have.

Tasha 49:28

I actually enjoy my own company, so I'm not pressed to be in any relationship romantically or I'm not nearly as flexible as I would need to be in order to be with you. Yeah. And that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 49:44

And that's okay. Because the alternative at the end of the day is guess who I get to hang out with? Me, and that's fine. Like, I'm good with that. Of course, everything is always going to be, it depends, right? But um, as it relates to the book, I feel like Jordan and Harper were probably more on some strategic, you know what I mean? Yes, does Jordan have some control issues? Probably so. Is that necessarily a bad thing all the time? I don't know. Like, who is she hurting, right? If it gets to a point where you're hurting yourself, then maybe there's time to re-evaluate it. You know what I mean? But if your control issues are to protect yourself or a defense mechanism, I do think that she there were definitely so all of them did not do well with healthy conflict resolution. Like, healthy conflict resolution. Tie that in with the condoms and therapy. Like, they did not have it going on at all across the board.

Steph 50:46

No, I have to mention the one part, like in the beginning of the book where he was hanging out with that girl, Bailey. Like, you hung out with her all day. How old are we? That's where I was like, He should have stood up. Because I get the Yes, like get out, like get out. Like, I told her, I have work to do.

Lex 51:05

I can't hang out with that.

Steph 51:06

Well, that's basically what she told him to do. And it was a downfall for me. I think that's what that's what bothered me because it was like, how old are we, Harper? Where you can't even tell a girl that you're just kicking it with that I got stuff to do.

Tasha 51:18

The fact that you're a writer and can't communicate is so mind-boggling. But also, I guess, I I think like the issue, I guess like with the question that Steph asked, but it's like, oh, well, you know, is it like about being strategic? I think when I hear strategic, I feel like it's like a little like, I'm here like calculated and this and that. Where I'm like, maybe that like that's the word I have a problem with, I think. Because I'm just like, I just think you're smarter and you're like making moves that make more sense, but not necessarily like plotting strategic meaning, like you're plotting something. Like you're like, oh well, let me see what we're doing. Okay, apparently, Star is like, hey, I'm I said T tickets.

SPEAKER_01 51:57

I like always the T.

Tasha 51:59

One thing about my girl Star, she always playing chess. I don't know, y'all around here doing checkers, pickup sticks, and star is playing chess. So long game. Either be here for the game or don't be. But please understand, she enjoys her own company. So matter that you actually don't have to play. Absolutely don't have to. That's fine. Which just means when when the right person comes along, hey, it's the right person.

SPEAKER_00 52:26

It's the right person, and it's just gonna fall in line.

Lex 52:28

And on that note, I will say I think the person that has made the most growth and the most drive to better themselves in this series of its entirety, from the movie to the book, is Lance. Okay. Thank you. Thank you that you did not say Robin, because maybe I'm honey. Maybe you saw him from crashing out before his wedding because your friend fucked your girl, to okay, now my woman is dying, and I need to figure out how to raise these kids. To okay, my woman is gone, and now my children are identifying in ways that I'm not familiar with, but I'm gonna go with it, and I'm gonna go with God to oh, I met this woman and I didn't know I was ready for marriage, but here I am. Like he was able to navigate his life in such a way where you could see the growth from okay, I need to have my whole face first. Yes, and then I'm gonna find if Lance was the main character, he was the one that made the most growth to me from start to finish. And I would love to follow him. I'm sure that he will have a sense.

Tasha 53:43

Maybe we'll get that appearance to that. Because we'll do that. Because that's the minimum, right? I love everything you said, 100% agree. But the way I was sitting here waiting for you to say Robin and waiting to see Star flip this table, like I couldn't even focus. I was like, No, all three of them work. I was like, let me hold my dream before she flipped the table. I didn't want, I didn't want to speak. Because the liquor, because the liquor, please don't don't spill it.

SPEAKER_01 54:08

We don't waste over here.

Lex 54:09

Oh god. But no, Lance is the only thing. But you're right. No, you're really a girl. You're right, cousin, you're right.

Steph 54:14

I would concur. That man has lived.

Lex 54:16

Yeah, and he has learned. He has grown from his from learning. And it's so continuous.

Tasha 54:22

They just gave it Malcolm and them, Malcolm and them gave us a book of the three that was not in a good place. Because honestly, if you think about the rest of the character, which I think we're gonna dive into. We'll dive into on the line. We'll get more into like the whole situation from the beginning all the way through this book. Definitely have they've grown up in the 20 plus year we've known them. Yes, maybe this book was just dedicated to the three that is still on their journey. And I I'm not sure what the next two books, like where Malcolm and Malcolm and them going with it. We'll see. Y'all let me know. Okay, we're gonna have to let Steph know she's not coming along for the ride. And that ending was ridiculous.

SPEAKER_00 54:59

So we we can't even talk about it.

Tasha 55:01

We can't even talk about it.

Steph 55:04

Because my thing is, my thing is we know it's this is not an accident.

Lex 55:07

Like and talk about it, because it's not. And this is what I tell Jeff. You can't talk about it.

Steph 55:12

No, I told Jeff, I said, I don't care what woman come at me. The only woman that could come at me and say it was a oops is you were you have a form of birth control, but you were like sick and you had antibiotics or something like that, and you are not aware that it can you can get pregnant, I'll give you that medically. I will give you that. But if you get all of the other stuff, if you get your monthlies, if you still get your monthlies every six months, you are fertile myrtle. Period.

Tasha 55:43

Okay, well we period. We cannot, we not giving away nothing for the people that may not. Y'all read the book though.

SPEAKER_00 55:50

Read the fucking book, read the book, sure. Here's the thing the episode, you're listening to the episode right now. Read the book, please. So you can get in the comments and give us your thoughts.

Tasha 56:01

Oh, on the live, we're gonna have to get into it. Like on the live, we're gonna have to get all the way into it. The live, the live is full of spoiler alerts. It is what it is. So make sure you read the book and then tune in for the live.

Lex 56:11

Because there's still some things I gotta get off my chip. It's but we're not gonna do it here. But there are still some things I need to do. And Robin is still damn insecure.

SPEAKER_00 56:21

Ooh. Because if she was not, then we would not have the girl messed. Anyway. All right.

Lex 56:27

Well, domestic violence is not okay. That's all I'm gonna say.

SPEAKER_00 56:32

And condoms and therapy are still okay.

Steph 56:36

Heavily on the therapy this time. Heavily on the therapy. And honestly, heavy on the condoms.

SPEAKER_00 56:41

What are you doing? What is really damn? Baby. So uh we know we did it for the culture. We did it for the culture for the culture. We like it.

Steph 56:49

And I'm gonna keep reading.

SPEAKER_00 56:50

We gotta see it through at this point.

Tasha 56:53

So again, three of us are. Steph just said, just do the cliff notes for her. She's gonna come here and have these drinks with y'all, but she's not gonna read the books, okay? It's two more books she's not here for with.

Steph 57:02

And I'm still gonna guess the right stuff.

Tasha 57:05

Yeah, Malcolm.

Spoilers Teased Plus Lit Challenge

SPEAKER_00 57:06

Malcolm and them, they they got us. Yeah, Malcolm and them still got us hooked. Good job, Malcolm. Yeah, we're here for her. Before we close, you know the vibe. We always save space for something to sit with, step on, or carry into your week. A lit challenge to move you atop for thought to ground you, or a memorable quote from the book that lingers like a good sip. This episode's lit challenge, we're calling it Check Your History. Think about one relationship, romantic or otherwise, that still lives rent-free in your memory. Ask yourself, are you missing the person or the version of yourself you were back then? No texting, no lurking, no revisiting, just reflection. Because sometimes unfinished business isn't about them, it's about the closure we owe ourselves. So that's the challenge. If you want to share with us in the, you know, messages or whatever, then you can. But if not, this is for you. It's about you reflect and do your thing. That's it for this episode of Black Girls Live Podcast, where fine women, fine literature, and fine libations always meet. So the words that found you, the poor that held you, and the version of you that showed up to listen. Remember to share us on your favorite social media platforms and make room for someone else at the table. We will be back next time with The Great Man, a historical fiction by Kira Leary. Okay. Thank you for joining us. And until then, read boldly and step slowly.