Tiaras On And Patriarchy Off

Steph 0:22

Step into the lit live. Black girls lit starts now. Black girls go complex.

Tasha 0:28

Hey, boogers baddies, and welcome back to another episode of Black Girls Lit Podcast.

Steph 0:34

I'm Led. I'm star. Steph over here.

Tasha 0:38

All right, you guys. Hey, and how are y'all doing today?

Steph 0:43

I got my I got my crown on, girl. That's what I was about to say.

Tasha 0:46

Y'all see us with the tiaras, you know, for the Cinderella is dead, you know. Very royal, very queen, princess, whatever the vibe. The real the real vibe, though, truly, is patriarchy sucks. And we're gonna have to get into it with this book. Patriarchy sucks.

Star 1:02

Men sucks. Capital P to the Y. We're gonna see where it goes. I y'all know I'm not gonna let them go too far. Not too much on the men, but we'll we're gonna see where. On this one, we can. We're gonna see where it goes.

Tasha 1:14

All right. On that note, Lex, tell the people what we're drinking this month.

Bougie Peach Vodka Pairing

Lex 1:21

So, as you see, our beautiful black bottle up there. Today we are drinking vodka, but it's special vodka. This vodka is magic. Kind of like the book was. So, this month we are pouring up bougie peach vodka and cracking open Cinderella is dead by Kaylin Byron. So, a little bit about this vodka is it is handcrafted right here in Georgia. So she's a local and distilled six times for a smooth finish. Bougie Peach vodka, that's a tongue twister there. And I we haven't even started drinking. Bougie Peach Vodka brings sweet, sun-ripened peach flavor with a bold, sophisticated twist. As a black woman-owned brand built on doing things differently, it's the perfect pairing for a story that turns a classic fairy tale on its head. And this book, y'all will see it is a twist. So join us as we sip and discuss and dissect Sophia's journey to break free from traditions, challenge, expectations while she creates her own destiny. So with that, shots up, ladies. Let's have our bougie shot and cheers. Cheers.

Tasha 2:39

Enjoy. Okay, I actually liked it. And I'm gonna tell you, I don't really typically like a flavored vodka to be honest with you. I actually like that. I could do this on ice.

Lex 2:49

I don't like vodka, so it tastes like vodka. It tastes like vodka. Yeah, it tastes like peach vodka, exactly. And it's burning. It's burning. Yeah. Yeah, it is.

Star 3:00

It's not burning, but it's definitely peachy. And it is absolutely vodka. But vodka is I can do vodka. Like, especially if I'm trying to stay up and be out. Like it's a good, it's definitely a good daytime drinking. Um over some Sprite. That'd be good with Sprite.

Tasha 3:19

I mean Sprite might make it too sweet. I could do just like over like just some club soda, just vodka soda.

Steph 3:24

Club soda.

unknown 3:25

Yeah.

Tasha 3:25

You know, I'd be I'll be trying to watch my sugars, you know. You know, I'm I'm all about the good health, lifelong longevity, and all that stuff, you know.

Book Setup And Overall Ratings

Steph 3:35

Well, let's get into Cinderella is dead by Kaylin Byron. So let me give you a little background into the book. It was set 200 years ago after the traditional Cinderella fairy tale. The Kingdom of Lil is ruled by strict rules based on Cinderella's story. Every year, teenage girls must attend the annual ball where eligible men choose wives. Girls who are not selected often disappear, creating fear and pressure throughout society. Sophia, the main character, does not want to conform to these expectations. She is in love with her best friend Aaron and has no desire to marry a man. When Sophia is forced to attend the ball, she flees and hides in Cinderella's mausoleum. There she meets Constance, a descendant of Cinderella, and her stepsisters. Together they uncover shocking secrets about the kingdom's history and discover that the official version of Cinderella's story has been distorted to maintain the king's power. As they investigate the truth, Sophia and Constance become determined to challenge the oppressive system and create a better future.

Tasha 4:45

Oh, yes. It was really about to tell you how I felt about it. Let me just tell y'all what the rating system is because I was getting ready to jump right into it.

Steph 4:53

That Patreon.

Tasha 4:54

If you didn't know, I I enjoyed the book. So let's go ahead. Let me find out how y'all thought about it. Y'all know the ratings. Cheers. Sip, babysit, or send it back. And unsurprisingly, it was a cheers for me. I really enjoyed it. I love like this different takeaway. I didn't know what to expect. Again, y'all know I'm not big on fantasy, but once I started, I couldn't put it down. And I I loved everything about it, to be honest with you. I was all in.

unknown 5:19

Lex.

Lex 5:20

Well, I'm also gonna give it a cheer. So, as y'all know, I am the fantasy queen of the group. I love fantasy books. I'm there. Love it. So it's already my favorite genre, so I knew I was gonna like it to begin with, but I loved how inclusive it was. I love how it, how we talked about the description. It puts a twist on your traditional Cinderella story. I love how empowering it was. Yeah, definitely a page turner. So very, very, very good. Good job, Caitlin.

Star 5:52

So for me, oh Lord. Surprisingly enough, it was um a cheers. Oh y'all are so petty. Um it was a good book. I think I liked the idea of it was very inclusive. So, you know, for young adults, I guess would be the primary target for it. It was very inclusive. I liked it. We'll get into we'll get into why, but I I was surprised that I liked it as much as I did. I didn't fight about it, and I also didn't have to get cussed out every week or anything like that to get through it. But yeah, it was a good book, and I I liked it. So it gets a four stars. Cheers.

Steph 6:33

So I'm gonna jump on the bandwagon.

Lex 6:35

Oh, cheers all around. Yes.

Steph 6:40

It was a page turner, the whole story, it different take. We will get into it because this patriarchy, oh Lord. But um, overall, great book, Kaylin. Great book. Good job, girl.

Tasha 6:53

Oh my goodness. You guys, it's I'm it's so rare that we are all on the same page. Look at us. I feel like we've been picking some winners this season. We have. Because we have really been coming through with some cheers all around. Like BGL be here for it.

Star 7:05

I love it. Definitely. And with that, we are going to get right into the first cocktail and the first discussion question.

Love Affair Cocktail And Being Chosen

Star 7:18

The first cocktail is uh we're calling it a love affair. It's this one here, and this one has, as Tasha said, our peach bougie vodka, some triple sec, amaretto, and a little pomegranate juice to balance it all out.

Lex 7:33

Oh, because that was a lot of liquor. Yeah, I was gonna say and caysha don't speak star. That's liquor, liquor, liquor, and then pomegranate. And a little juice.

Steph 7:43

Equal's love affair.

Lex 7:44

Equal love affair.

Star 7:46

Come on. Isn't it? How fitting is it? And I don't know how it happens. I always get the drinks that have so many liquors. Like I don't know. As if we don't pick our own recipes. Maybe. Let's see what it's talking about. Cheers.

Lex 7:59

Cheers, ladies. I think that really is just Prashad. You know what I'm saying? Sorry. I'm just trying to be um have etiquette at this table. This is a uh Prince, we're princesses today. Queens today.

Tasha 8:11

Okay, I like it. It's it's a drink, it's very juicy. I would I was surprised by the level of juice that it tastes like because there is a lot of liquid, but I guess it's like a lot of sweet juices. Well, I did add more juice.

Lex 8:24

Oh, you added, oh I probably do some.

Star 8:26

Because we can't be cutting uh all of the stars is the strongest on the table. Oh mine was the sample, the sample. So we had to that we get had to get the right measurement.

Tasha 8:37

I do not like it. But you can pour, you want to No, I do not need to add any more liquor to it.

Star 8:42

I like it the way it is. Okay, good. So getting into the first discussion question, um, as it's been alluded to, you know, what the book was about, just the classic Cinderella, the fairy tale, and how we all grew up hearing the story and all of the things and it being something different. My question is I want to know, reading the story, how did it make you all feel as women to be portrayed as objects, to get primed and proper, to basically stand in in line and be chosen? Like, how did that make you feel that portrayal of and again, these are young, these are young ladies, right? These are young women, so not even mature women, but just your interest, this this kind of like introduction to society is you need to do your best and put on your best and come and stand to be selected. So I hate it everywhere about that.

Tasha 9:44

And and I don't even know that it's so much about the about being, you know, pr being presented and you know, like being chosen. The part I had an issue with was the lack of choice. Like you had to go there, you had to dress up and you had to be put on display, you had to either be chosen or be left behind and have some other sad fate that you know that they sort of went into different details about, um, a couple different options for that if you weren't chosen. So like all of that made my stomach hurt, but I it does sort of, but at the same time, do I myself like to get cute and hope for the cute boy to find me and choose me and then we get married and have 2.5 kids and the white picket fence? Yes, that was my dream, my goal, but I didn't like the way it was in this book because it was the lack of choice on the lady's part.

Steph 10:40

I always ask the question: who made the man superior? Who made the man, you know, the person with authority? Who are you?

Tasha 10:48

Creator take care of you and protect you.

Steph 10:51

No, I don't. So love you, Jeff. But like, no, I don't. For me, as Tasha said, the choice, we don't have a choice. But then it goes for me, it's like, but who made you? Like, how can you make that decision? Like, just because you're a man, I get very frustrated that you have I don't want to get too far into stuff. It's just I was just not liking it. Like, it just frustrates me. Everything about it, it very frustrates me because it's like you like you have to think for me, but we weren't born together. Like, I had a whole nother life, and then here you are telling me what I have to do, how I can dress, how I can eat, what I I have to give you all my money. What?

unknown 11:36

What?

Tasha 11:37

No, and then also the part of if you're not chosen, now you're like unworthy to even be part of the society. Correct.

Lex 11:44

Like, no, just throw all that part about no, no, but then there's also like this, and that's why I said this book attacked like so many topics, like we could talk a lot about a lot of the things, but like outside of that, too. I think also the part of it was expensive, like the stuff like that is expensive to get even now, like in the everyday world, it's expensive to like keep yourself up if you want to present yourself a certain way. And I think in this book, that was another big issue, is that the people were poor, they were not getting the things that they needed to be able to sustain life, like regular life. On top of that, you want me to put my daughter in this multi-thousand dollar dress to maybe or maybe not get chosen, and I don't have a choice as to even if she goes, let alone if she wants to go. But what if I can't afford for her to go? Like now, now what? Like all the bad things that happened in the book happen. And so I think there's like a lot that goes into that question. There's just so many layers. Um, but I think I agree with Tasha though. I didn't mind, like, if if the girls wanted to get dressed up and dolled up as girls sometimes do, that's fine. Some girls maybe lived for like the season of like being chosen, kind of like Bridgerton in that way. But it's when the choices were taken away, and when the freedom of loving who you love is taken away, when you're desolate and you still have to do it, those sort of things are taken. That's when it's like, ugh, I don't agree with that.

Tasha 13:26

And the idea that if some man doesn't want you, then you're not worth anything. Like your value cannot be tied to some dude.

Star 13:35

So, so here's a it's interesting, and that's why I wanted to kind of ask the question that I the way that I did, because it's very interesting. What it puts me in mind of, and I'm sure you guys probably recall this a sociology class. Did you guys have a sociology class, that intro to sociology? And the first thing that I remember was they had us read this passage, right? And it was from the perspective of someone outside of the norm. And they were describing what they were seeing someone doing, and it sounded so barbaric and so weird, but ultimately what it was that they were describing was somebody shaving, right? So it made me, that's what I immediately thought about is that, and everything that you guys just said is that because reading it and getting that side of it, the perspective, is what causes the uneasiness. And we we don't like it. Like, don't say it like that, but that's what it is. But that's what it is. Because even you think about it being a girl's choice. Well, is it really her choice? Or has she been conditioned to believe that, oh yeah, when I turn 13, I want to go to the, I want to get dressed up, I want to be a debutant, I want to have the the big party and put on the big princess dress. And I like at what point is it really? That's called a cult. Okay. I mean, I don't, and I don't know, but we'll, you know, and we'll probably get into it, you know, as we go through the as we go through some more questions. Your mind is being it just gets to a point where it's like, where does the choice really begin and end when you're conditioned, right? Because they were conditioned, that was a part of it, right? This was something that was a part of the community. It was required. It was, you know what I mean? Like it was this requirement of being a part of this community. How would there have ever been any choice?

Steph 15:31

Because you have a Sophia that thinks for herself and questions all of the things that you've just said. And she doesn't say that.

Star 15:36

And her life was at risk. Correct. But her life was at risk. And she was the outsider and she was in jeopardy of, you know, like potentially her family wasn't. You know what I mean?

Steph 15:45

So it's just that's why I feel like it's cultish, because in the cults, they tell you everything and you just receive it and you don't question it. That's what we're supposed to do. But then you have people like, but no, I have my own mind. And then, like you said, those are the ones that have to be eliminated because no, you can't think for yourself. You're diverging. I have to think for you.

Lex 16:05

You know what this reminds me of? Because it's almost like y'all remember. Oh sorry. I'm about to maybe go down a rabbit hole. Okay, so Warren Jeffs and the the women and children in the compounds, right? I watched the documentary on Netflix, and yes, what he did was horrible. What those women and what those children went through was unspeakable. It absolutely was abuse, all of those things. But I think it touched on it a little bit in the documentary, reminds me of this is that when you are not a part of the culture of something, your perception is different. When I say that, I mean in the documentary, they interviewed some of the wives and some like the wives and the kids. And they were like, Do you feel like you've been abused? Do you feel and they're like, No, because this is all they've ever known. And so for us, we're the big bad people tearing their family apart because to them, that was the right way. And to me, I this is kind of it reminds me of that because some of the girls, like, that's all they knew, and that's that's what was right for them. Now having to make this big change, and like Sophia's like, no, this is wrong, and like we need people were shook. And so it's like, at what point is wrong wrong, or is this just how you grew up and this is right to you, even though like societally it may not be.

Star 17:33

I think it's the free will because I think people need to mind a business and stop being judgmental and everybody do it what works for it. And everybody does what works for them without the pressure of, oh, well, you have to do this because this is how it's done, or you have to do this because you don't want your child to feel like the outsider, or you know what I mean? Like, and I think that's the that's the biggest takeaway for me with this book, and to the point of it being so inclusive, is that a lot of times we project our own personal expectations onto what other people's lives and interactions and should look like. And that's weird.

Tasha 18:13

Well, Nestin, that's it has to be weird. Everybody has to be able to choose what's best for them. So if it's not bad if you want to be a trad wife, it's not bad if you do not want to have kids. It's not bad if you want to marry a woman. It's not bad on any of these things, whatever works for your life, what choices make you happy. If you find somebody who is also in line with that thing and you want to build your life with them, hey, y'all, yes, the consent and the ingredients and the free will for everybody to live their best life how they see fit, as long as you're not causing harm to somebody else. So, yeah, so maybe I'm the girl who does want to get dolled up and I can't wait for some handsome prince to come and save me and take care of me, and I don't have to work, I don't have to do nothing. If that's the life I choose, great. But if somebody else is choosing life where they're like, oh no, well, I want to be the one who goes out to work. I want my husband to sit at home and take care of these kids. Hey, I love that for you too. Like, and that's the part. We just have to live. Live their best. I want to stop. We gotta let people live their best life. And that's the it's like the stop judging people. Let people live. Like, that's the thing right there.

Star 19:24

And that's the full circle moment. Thank you. Because I know how I feel about judgmental people. So everybody should stop being judgmental. I'm on your own damn business. Mind your business.

Lex 19:33

If you're happy, you're not hurting nobody. You want to get dolled up and go to this ball, girl, you go.

Star 19:38

But if you don't, then fucking don't. And if you don't get shows, and if you don't get shows at the ball, you still have work, girl. You are still valuable. Don't episode over. Hello. Drop the mic. Drop the mic insane. What are we talking about? Okay. Thank you guys for your participation.

Steph 19:56

Oh, goodness.

Star 19:58

Steph, what are we what are we doing next?

Gender Roles And Real Partnership

Steph 20:03

Okay, we are going to do the pink princess. So it's including the bougie, peach, baca, and some raspberry lemonade, and topped it off with some club soda.

Star 20:17

And it's giving, it's giving very much pink princess. And she said, and the champagne flu.

Tasha 20:24

She loves a bubble. Cheers.

Steph 20:26

I do, I usually do, but let's try this.

Star 20:29

I like it. It's good. I cannot with you. It's good. It's a drink. It's good. It's giving, she does not love it. But it is giving.

Lex 20:40

I like you.

Star 20:41

It is giving brunch vibes for sure. It's giving bougie, princess, brunch vibes.

Lex 20:50

All it needs is some of the sparkles that you can use. The little gold, the edible gold. Very cute. I mean, it's very on brand.

Steph 20:57

Steph's like, said hated or maybe something. Just something for me.

Lex 21:02

I will say the measurements are a little different in these ones than yours. I definitely added more club soda and more cheese.

Tasha 21:08

If it was probably champagne versus club soda, Steph would have liked it. Because stuff like the probably would have been too sweet.

Steph 21:17

No, not if you don't get like a prosecco or a Moscato. Don't get the brew champagne. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Good one. Good one, Tasha. My question is what message do you think the novel sends about gender roles and societal expectations?

Tasha 21:33

Okay, well, I will say gender roles are stupid. I mean, it's just like, I just like they just they just feel outdated and unrealistic at this current time. You know what I mean? It's just like we have like these certain standards that I guess we've been living by forever. You know, oh well, the man does this and then the girl does this, and it's just not Realistic, like not many households can afford for only one person to work and for somebody to stay at home. So they got two people working. Well, if we both going to work, well, we both finna be washing dishes, we both finna be cooking. It's like we have a partnership. So, like this idea of gender roles, if it works for your house, hey, love it. However, as for me and mine, we we like to divide stuff up how we see fit. Um, now with that being said, I don't cut no grass and I don't take out no trash. Period. But that's not gender roles, that's just Tasha and Albert, because that's how we have set up our life. It's called But in the book, the the patriarchy in this book were just too much for me.

Steph 22:40

It was just insane. I I feel like because of the times, yes, current times, gender roles, you know, the expectations out the door because we've come too far. People want more in life to for one person to be the head of the household and provide everything, that that expectation is gone. I I tell people all the time, Jeff would say it, but I was like, you only married me just that so I can have kids. I said, because he does everything, which is a wonderful thing to have in a man. Like you cook, clean, all of the above. You're a hands-on dad, great daddy. Yeah, you know, love him. And so I I clown him. I was like, you just needed me to reproduce, huh? I was like, if otherwise you would have done it yourself. Um no, keep it above. I cannot with this girl sometimes. And so, but the back in the day, I understand because some of the things is like, I was like, oh, I couldn't live back then. Oh, they would kill me after day one. But then I'm like, but like Star said, if you've been groomed, if you've been told this is what your life is, that's all I know, of course. But then there are other people out there, you know, you have your handmaid's tale, the testaments show, where, you know, some of these girls, all they know is Gilead. Whatever they say, you know, that's all they know. Like they don't know the outside world, where some people know the outside world. So to go into Gilead, they're like, what is this? Like, you can't make your own decisions. I gotta get married. And all you're here is to reproduce, or you can't get a peer, you can't do stuff. I don't need you. And so it's hard to see that. It's hard how we are portrayed as women, like we're just disposable. So reading the book, it was hard because as a woman, it's just like I have my own mind. Yeah, like you're using me for my talent to sew these girls' dresses, and then you're telling me that I'm taking money from our pot as a household, and you're beating me for it. It was like, what? But we're together, like we're building this together. And then why am I fighting you? I shouldn't have to fight my significant other to have a better life. And it was just the way that they treated the women back then. It's just like, you're just an object, you're just here, have babies, bring me some money, you better have food on the table. And it's like, no, we're all human beings.

Tasha 25:00

And I think that's the dangerous part in it, too, though. Like that thing, we don't really talk enough about it, about when you look at the societal expectation with these gender roles, the danger in it. Like, so it wasn't, but just barely 50 years ago, a woman couldn't even buy her own house. She couldn't open a bank account without a husband or her father's approval. You had to be tied to a man. So then what you end up with is women that are stuck in situations where they are getting abused, they're getting beat, and they have nowhere to go. There's no out. And so it's dangerous to be in a society where you have one gender that is seen as superior to another and put making one inferior. Because again, like I said, it's not that long ago where that was the case, and it put a lot of women in very dangerous situations.

Lex 25:49

And then at that point, and because that's another layer of the book, sexuality is completely out of the question. Because why wouldn't you like a man? But then also, what does that mean if I don't, if I'm supposed to basically hand over my whole life to this person? I don't even what if I don't like them? Or like, what if I'm I'm not, and that's what this book was about too, because I mean I don't think that's giving too much away. That's a big part of the book. Is that Sophia likes girls, like she's a lesbian, and so not only was she like sickened by having to even think of being with the man, but also like she wasn't like all the girliness and all of the prim and proper and getting ready, like that was not her. So she was completely like, oh, I don't fit in here at all. I can't even have people wrap my head around.

Tasha 26:41

When like when you said about the sexuality, like the with the whole gender roles, like I know people like you have when you have like a same safe couple, like, but which one's the boy? Who wears the pants in the relationship? What? There is no boy, we don't like boys. That's why we together, like, but it'd be confusing people when you don't have when you cannot put people into a box, it'd be blowing people's mind. They'd be so confused.

Star 27:03

So I'm torn about gender roles and societal expectations, and I'm gonna be transparent and tell you why. I hear the conversation that we're having at this table, right? We're all, you know, open-minded, educated women, you know, different lifestyles, different backgrounds, upbringing, and so on and so forth. But sitting at the table, a group of women that have good men in their lives, right? That's just what it is. Like I'm not married, but my father, very solid, very solid. I am the single mom who does it all. But I'm raising a son. So this son, the expectations that society is going to have on him are different than what he's seeing. So the balance that I always have to, there's always a balance that I have to provide. And that is, yes, I want him to see that I am, you know, I'm his mom. So I he needs to know that he has some support and that there's strength behind him, right? But do I want one of y'all daughters? You know what I'm saying? Or the daughter that ends up dating him, he still needs to know, hey, there's probably gonna be an expectation for you to protect and provide because you are a man. And if I'm not telling him that, and he grows up because all he sees is, oh no, my mom got it. So what stops him from becoming the man who's like, I'm looking for a woman, like, oh, you ain't got it, then you're not it, because my mom, she did it all. So what are you, what are you doing, right? Then he would be wrong. So I have to be the strength and support behind him as a woman, but I also have to let him know, like, hey, don't get out here in the world expecting the world to accept you sitting back while the woman does all the things because that's the society's expectation. And again, as I sit here at the table with mothers of daughters, your expectation, you're not telling your daughters to go out here and get a man that wants to stay at home and take care of the kids. You see what I'm saying?

Steph 29:25

But I'm also telling them not to get a man where they have to provide for everything. You can do that. You find a partner. You can find a partner.

Star 29:31

And I understand what I tell all of my kids. And that's what I'm saying. So, but that's that's us sitting here at this table, right? Which is we're the exception, probably. Even our dynamic as a group is what makes I think our conversations and things so balanced and was because we we have like these different perspectives. But that's just the gender roles and societal expectations. Yeah, they're outdated and it's a little weird, but we still have to navigate. We still prescribe. Like we still, there's still, even as we sit here knowing that it's not as black and white as it used to be, there's still, and and maybe it is different for me because there are conversations that I have with my son, and I'm like, hey, you need someone that's going to the thing that I tell him is that you should expect someone to build you up and support you the way that I do. So it's not about the task, right? It's not about the who does what. If something needs to be done, do it. I also am not taking out no trash. I do I look like you see this crime. Stop playing with me. I'm also not taking out trash, right? Um, but it's just, yeah, it's one of those things that it's it's a fine balance. And I being transparent, I struggle with it. It's something that's always front of mind is making sure that he has the balance and he knows what the real expectations are.

Lex 30:55

And that's why communication is so important in partnerships, because yeah, at the end of the day, boo down with the gender norms, down with the patriarchy. But yeah, like you were alluding to, we still prescribe by some of them. And I know how I was raised, I was raised in a very like traditional nuclear household. So my dad and I have all sisters. My dad's a girl dad. So he grew up telling all of us, y'all don't open no doors. If he can't pay to take you out, he can't pay to date you. You shouldn't want for anything when you're with somebody. And those are all things that I agree with because that's how I grew up. But also I know that I have free will and I can do what I want to do, and I need to trust you in order for me to submit to you in that way. But that doesn't mean that I don't prescribe by them. I want to feel protected, I want to feel secure, and Antron does make me feel that way. We talked about that, and we know that's that's what works for us. And that's the expectation. And so communication is just is so important.

Tasha 32:01

But I would say, I like honestly, if I think about like the couples that I know, I don't know any, like the ones who I'm like, oh no, this, oh, that that's a solid couple. I don't know any, any like of the couples I see raising kids now where the dad is not hands-on, where he has some um unrealistic expectation that the wife is gonna do all the cooking or cleaning, like none of that. Like, I don't know if it's just maybe the people, I mean, you know, you surround yourself with like people. But like I said, and I love it. Like I said, I I see I know guys who cook, who clean, I know women who do, like, I mean, who do all the things I do? I actually have some friends that be out there cutting the grass. She's like, oh, I love it. I'm like, girl, bye. But everybody. But I do like, I mean, and that's like for real. Like, I know so many like guys that said that being there like cooking. I mean, yesterday, y'all was surprised when y'all saw me cooking. Y'all like, wait, Alvin always cooks over here.

Steph 32:57

Oh, Star was talking about Tosha y'all. Side note, ooh, talking about Tasha. She was just like, you cook.

Tasha 33:03

I I just have some quick questions. And that's what works for y'all. But I'm saying, but it's just like most of the people I know, like, that's their situation. Like I said, the dads are hands-on. I say, if you, if me or my friends can't be there, then the dad is there. He's like, I'm not got the kids. Like, it's none of that where the the mom has to like be, oh, well, I had to make dinner before I went out and stuff like that, because that's just not who again. It may just be I hang with people who are similar-minded to me, but I just feel like it's that's just not the um the state. I feel like there's a shift. I think it's a shift in mindset. And like I said, it's just like finding a partner, somebody who's going to, when you're down, they're up, like you know, that balance. And take at the end of the day, we're all the same team. We got to keep this whole house running. How are we doing this together? Right.

Star 33:49

Yeah. And I think that's for me, like where the benefit was for me, and that I did grow up, even though in a two-parent household, right, it was definitely that. I both of my parents did what needed to be done. Yes. And that is why I think I'm able to just acknowledge and provide the balance for my son, even though it's just me, because I did have a good example of that. So, like, yeah, my I had to pull the weeds, I had to take out the trash, I had to do all the things. I would, my dad would be in the kitchen showing me how to cook, my mom would be outside in the backyard showing me how to pull weeds and pick greens. Like it was again unattractive with that beef.

Tasha 34:29

You have somebody sitting around, they sitting around like 10, 11 o'clock at night, hungry, waiting for you to come home to cook. Like you they'll be hungry. You don't get up, they would be home. Go to McDonald's. I would be so unattractive to a guy. I'm like, you you cannot provide a milk for yourself? Like, you what if I never get home?

Star 34:44

You was gonna die? The biggest thing I tell you.

Steph 34:47

Let me call my daddy real quick and get that answer for you.

Star 34:50

The thing I tell my child, listen here, you better know how to feed yourself and you better know how to keep your clothes clean. Because if she does get mad at you, even if she does do all the things, the first thing she's gonna stop doing when she gets mad at you is feeding you and cleaning up. So get it together. But anyway.

Rewriting History And Owning Truth

Tasha 35:10

All right, so I just on to question number three. Drink number three. I do believe I brought this drink. Um, it is a we are calling this the Peach Charming. Again, with our bougie peach vodka, a little white crayon and um white crayon of peach juice and orange juice. Well, it's it's a little juice heavy. It's juice juice. But juice up today. We have juice up today. But let's go ahead and cheers. Y'all tell me what y'all think about peach orange.

Steph 35:40

This is the only one juice. Is it? Yours is a liquor girl. You have one juice. Stop. But tell us like juice-like liquor. No juice-like liquors. My dog. Oh, this is light and refreshing.

Lex 35:52

It is. Oh. Oh.

Steph 35:53

Yeah.

Star 35:55

I think I'm gonna also pop that.

Lex 35:57

Oh, y'all to finish your shot? Am I the only one that's embarrassing?

Star 36:03

The thing is, if you wouldn't have told the people, if you wouldn't have seen that, the people wouldn't.

Lex 36:06

The people saw me take the shot back. None. All right, all right. You told me it was.

Tasha 36:17

This is good. Good job, Tasha. You you picking up, girl. All right, all right, y'all. So in the book, we know that, you know, it was all based around this whole retelling of the story of Cinderella and like all these things about, you know, everybody had to know the story of Cinderella. And then at some point we end up realizing that maybe some of the things that we had heard about the story were not exactly true. So my question is how does rewriting the past affect the present and the future?

Steph 36:44

I mean, we could talk about what we're going through now is all being rewritten, but I'm not gonna do that.

Tasha 36:49

Go ahead, do that. That's that's where the discussion leaves us, right?

Steph 36:52

That's all we're here for. I mean, we're currently going through that. So, and we're living it. So to live it and know it's being rewritten is very hard to see because people really know the truth. Where within the book, nobody really knows the truth. So they're telling this story over and over again. So, of course, what is it? It's like a game of telephone and how it always just keeps continuously changing. And then you have one ancestor, one ancestor that has all of the truth, and then we have to believe that. But do you believe it? Because the hundreds of people that have told us from Prince Charming and all of the kingdom is this is what it is, and this is what we're supposed to do. And then now we're finding journals and diaries from Cinderella of telling the true story, and then we're just supposed to be like, oh, no more gender roles, we can make our own mind. And it's like that switch is not always gonna happen. And I feel like right now we're currently living it where they're trying to do a switch, but they can't. But it's just like going very slowly on how they're changing it, and it's it's hard to watch, it's sad to watch. And as a person that, you know, you've had all this free will, this, you know, you could go out and do as you please, because there are other countries till this day that you can't, there's still arranged marriages, there's still you can't show skin. There are things, you know, alcohol, drugs. It's you go to jail for longer for certain things like that. So everywhere you go, America, you do have the most freedom to do a lot, and you have a lot of choices. Cinderella, reading that story makes me embrace the things that we have today. Because to live the way that they had to live back then, I just, it's just, I don't like it. Steph wouldn't have made it. I wouldn't have made it. But like I said, I say that. I say that I wouldn't have made it, but once again, it's we don't know.

Star 38:49

That's you sitting here now. Right. Yeah, this is a now me.

Tasha 38:52

Sitting from a moment of privilege. You could say about, oh, well, if it would have been me, I would never have. And I've and this is what I would have done. And and you don't know.

Steph 38:59

Yeah. Because you're gonna be told something else when you're going through it, and you would be fearful.

Lex 39:04

Because I mean, they were told the story of Cinderella damn near out the wound.

Star 39:07

It was required. Like it was required to know.

Lex 39:11

Is certain print of the book had to be on display? Is it it was a bedtime story?

Star 39:17

Yeah, it was required reading, though. There were there's so many parallels in the book. The book was very well written, if nothing else, for just the pair, the the parallels that you can see in yes, it was a fiction, but nah, this is what's really going on. You have to read Cinderella, now you have to read a Bible.

Tasha 39:34

Yeah. But that's and that's like for me, I think that that whole retelling, and to find out that the the story that we had heard was not the true story. I'm like, no, that's was dangerous. It's dangerous. It's like it just goes back to what they used to always tell us in school like you have to learn history because if you don't learn history, then you're doomed to repeat it. And then I feel like that is, like Steph said, that is kind of like where we're at. Where it's like, hey, okay, well, let's let's rewrite, let's make it softer. Let's clean it up a little bit, because no one wants to think that people would have actually taken their children with a picnic basket and went to the town center to watch somebody get hung. Like, who wants to hear that story? Like, oh, but it sounds horrible. That's not what happened. But guess what? That is horrible. I mean, that's what happened, that's the truth. And if we stopped telling the story, if we stopped living in the truth, then that's how you end up finding yourself repeating horrible things. Because again, like you, there's there's no way anybody would have done that. Yes, they would have. And like I think.

Star 40:34

Now look what you didn't got yourself into.

Tasha 40:36

Right. And I'm saying, like, and I do, and I remember, because you know, we've been in school, you had your history classes, but then I remember when I actually, when I read the slave narratives, I was like, oh my gosh. Yeah.

Lex 40:45

Like me too.

Tasha 40:46

I was never told it was like this. I mean, like, you know, oh slavery, no, of course. It's horrible, it's bad. But when you actually hear from people's mouths, like things that they went through and the atrocities, you're like, oh, okay, this is like, I mean, it's nightmarish. Like, for real, for real, you know. It's like, but sometimes you have to know the horror and the bad parts so you can not repeat it, but also be like, hey, we we're never going back that we're always gonna be getting better. Not just, oh, we're not gonna be this bad. No, we're gonna always continue to get better. And if you don't know how bad it could have been, then I think you sometimes you don't know how to move. And so again, and those stories get lost, it's dangerous. Very, very dangerous.

Lex 41:30

History is told by the what they say, history is told by the side of the oppressor or the victor. You gotta hear both sides. You've got to hear both sides. There's three sides to everything.

Steph 41:41

The victor will tell you like it was easy peasy. And the little D Right.

Star 41:47

Well, on that note, we'll we'll wrap it on up.

A Final Thought And Next Read

Star 41:52

So before we close, you know, the vibe we always say space for something to sit with, sip on, or carry into your week. A lit challenge to move you, a top for thought to ground you, or a memorable quote from the book that lingers like a good sip. This episode, the top for thought that I'm gonna leave you with, and it kind of piggybacks on the last question, is just how important it is to the art of communication. We are in a time where conversations are happening less, less in, you know, real life connections are happening less. It's a lot of what we see on the internet and scrolling and now with the AI, like the opportunity to rewrite the story and completely edit the important parts out, it's prime right now. So that's my top for thought. It's just let's get back to fellowship and get back to communicating with each other in real life and telling those stories and not always from a place of oppression and devastation, but we have to know because if we don't, if we don't talk to each other and tell our stories to each other, then we leave the gate wide open for someone else to tell our story, to tell us our story. Thanks. On that note, that's it for this episode of Black Girls Live Podcast, where fine women, fine literature, and fine vibrations always meet. So the words that found you, the poor that held you and the version of you that showed up to listen. Remember to share us on all your favorite social media platforms and make room for someone else at the table. We will be back next month with the Dark Lord's Guide to Dating by Tiffany Hunt. Until then, read boldly and sip slowly. Cheers.