Welcome And Big Announcements

Tasha 0:01

Hey bookish baddies, welcome to black. Welcome to the women, my literature, and my baby collab.

Steph 0:18

Black women are still complex.

Tasha 0:20

Hey bookish baddies, and welcome to this special edition of Black Girls Lip Podcast. Hey, hey. Okay, so um, like I said, we are getting into a special edition. But before we do that, I have a lot of business to discuss. So let me start from the beginning.

Audiobook Walk Details And Swag

Tasha 0:38

First up, please come out to our first event. It is our audiobook walk. We're gonna be meeting in Suwane Town Center on October 24th. We're gonna be listening to the book, Ken. Now, if you're not listening to the book or you've already listened to it, that's fine. You can put whatever you want into your headphones. We're not gonna know. We just want you to come out with us, walk. The walk is gonna be about a mile and a half, um, about 45 minutes. And then after that, the best part, we are meeting at Tequila Mama for some drinks and to discuss what we have listened to, right? So, however far we get into the book, straight BGL style, it'd be a great time. Get your free ticket on Eventbrite. Um, so all you have to really do is RSVP. And everyone who RSVPs will be entered into a drawing to win a BGL swag bag. I know you really want one. So get your link. I mean, get um hit the link in all of our socials. Um and we will see you on October 24th at Swine Town Center at 10 a.m. Next up, as you know, that today is Wednesday. Wednesday is our new release date. Yay! As I have been telling you guys, BGL is growing. We are bringing more episodes every month. Um, in October, look for us to release three different episodes, and so we are changing our release date to Wednesday. Our ultimate goal is to bring you new content every Wednesday. Now, I do recognize some months have four or five Wednesdays. We're gonna start out with these three. Um, we're gonna be there. Check us by the new year, okay? So Wednesday is our new release date.

Star 2:07

So ambitious.

Tasha 2:09

We got it. Um, and our don't forget our events. And are you guys ready to jump into this special edition? Absolutely. Let's see. All right, what are we doing?

Why This Novel Hits Hard

Star 2:19

Okay, so the book that we're gonna talk about today in this special episode is The Revolution of Dion Daphne, and this is the first book by Mara Brock Akil. Mara Brock Akeel. So, for those of you who don't know who Mara is, she is the creator of Girlfriends, which we loved back in the day, and also she was involved in Forever and Being Married Jane, which I did not know. This is her debut novel, and we had the pleasure of going to hear her talk about and read some excerpts out of this book when it first came out, so that was exciting. Um, anyway, the novel covers is it 14 days? I'm pretty sure it's 14 days. The main character finds out that she has been exposed to HIV, so it's back in the early 90s when HIV AIDS was a thing. It was at the height, everybody was concerned and scared and nervous. We didn't really know what was going on. Follows her journey for 14 days in the time that she is waiting to get her test results. Um, and along the way, some things are revealed about her past and how she got herself in the position to even be questioning and and having to be tested to begin with. So we're gonna we're gonna go through it. We're not gonna, you know, we're not gonna spoil it too much for you, but we are gonna go down through there. So buckle up and let's get into it. And as per usual, we have a drink and stuff's gonna tell you about the stuff's gonna tell you about the drink.

Steph 4:02

If you already

The Incredible Hulk Drink Recipe

Steph 4:03

don't, if you already don't know, if you already don't know, it should tell you we are doing an incredible hook. It might not be for it's you know the night, it's really the 2000s, but we're gonna, you know, for us 90s folks, you know, we exposed ourselves to it and it was a great drink, and we're gonna just continue the tradition of a hypnotic so or an incredible hook, which is heading and hypnotic. So cheers, ladies. Let's take a sip in our BGL merch. Check it out, check it out.

Tasha 4:33

I actually never have one, but uh really, yeah, but but well cheers.

Steph 4:42

I've already been drinking it, so you know what? Mm-hmm. I know you like it, girl.

Tasha 4:47

I can get down with it. Too much. Yeah, I feel like I may in my adulthood, it I mean, it may not be the thing to be drinking before you have to go to work tomorrow.

Steph 5:00

But um definitely it tastes good.

Tasha 5:03

Yeah. Okay, incredible hope.

Steph 5:05

It's like half and half. It's basically half and half. If you do two ounces of hennessee, you do two ounces of hypnotic. I might not put a full two ounces of Tennessee though. That's you know, if you want some hair. Okay. But it's nostalgic to the book. It is, it's very nostalgic. Yes, you know, she's with what? Jet magazine? Essence. Essence. Ooh, still.

Star 5:29

It's very of the times.

Steph 5:30

Oh, the times. Okay.

Star 5:31

So I I just do also want to add though that there was a part in the book where she was having a nice little Cosmo with some cranberry juice in it. Sure. Sure. Oh, we we could have had Cosmos. So we definitely had options.

Steph 5:43

We did, we did, but we put that on out there. Okay. That's more sex in the city-ish, which clearly not the vibe we were going for. No, this is straight hood, girl.

Star 5:52

Here, here we are.

Steph 5:53

Incredible hulk with the incredible hulk.

Tasha 5:55

Yeah. Cheers. Yes. Okay, okay. So we

Sip Or Cheer Book Reactions

Tasha 5:59

read the book. Let's go ahead and see how we felt the Bible tastes you after rip. Um, for me, honestly. It was, it was, oh goodness. This is hard because I really I really want to come out. Cheers on it. I really because again, it's Mara. Um, it was a lot in the book that I thought it was a lot of good topics, everything like that. I'm gonna say it was it was a it was a sip. It was a sip for me. Okay. Um, I I kind of feel this the thing. She mentioned when we went to go see her that um, because you know, she's a a TV writer, so she never really writes, she never writes like the end of anything, you know. And so this with her, this was like a new experience for her writing the end, and that's the part where it lost me. I feel like I didn't really love the ending. Like it just sort of was like, so I feel like maybe that is just, you know, this is her first time attempting writing, like finishing it. And um it was just like a little too, oh, just wrap it up in a bowl a little bit. I don't know. I just the ending kind of left me wanting more. Um she touched a lot of stuff, she like touched on like a lot of stuff, and it just I I didn't really like the wrap above it. So that's why I've kind of I was I enjoyed reading it, but the the ending did not do it for me.

Star 7:18

So I I did not know what to expect. I didn't have any expectations. Um, I loved girlfriends, not so much being Mary Jane, haven't gotten into forever. So I I didn't have any expectations. I want to give it a cheers. And the reason that I want to give it a cheers is because was it necessarily the story that I needed? No, but I do think I think she needed to write this story. I think this story needed to be told, um, and I think somebody needs it. Not you, not me. But but in that, I will say the reason, so the story was good from my perspective. It was a good story, and it wasn't there was only one part at the very beginning where she was on the train, and the lady she was talking to on the train was like a domestic, was like a you know, like a foreigner that was going to clean someone's home. I thought that was a little outdated. That didn't, it didn't fit to me. That was the only piece that threw me off. But after that, it was it was okay. So I think the story was good, and that's why I'm gonna give it a cheer. But also, I wanted to.

Steph 8:41

We're not gonna just pass on star giving a cheer.

Star 8:44

Yeah, like I wanted to fight. Like, there was a point where I wanted to fight, and I was like, nah, like where, like it's time to go. Like it's time to ride, like where like where he at, the stepdad. Oh, like where he at. So that is also why I'm giving it a cheer, a cheer is because it it brought that emotion. It evoked emotion here, yeah. Which means that the story itself was very well. I think she did a very good job writing the story and getting that emotion, especially for it to be her debut novel. So that's why I give it a cheer.

Steph 9:18

What a moment, look at you. It's not even like a thriller, right? Or a conspiracy theory. Agreed.

Star 9:27

I did not, however, I will stand on I didn't need this story. The culture as a whole, did we need the story? So the whole swag bag, you can you really threw me off because of the whole swag bag. I was gonna go. I knew, and I knew you guys were gonna be thrown off, but there if you're coming to the event that Tasha talked about, that swag bag, there will be a signed copy of this book in it. Okay, yes, there will be a signed copy, so to the winner of that swag bag. I can't.

Steph 9:57

I volunteer mine as tribute because what was the book that you just didn't need to read it?

Star 10:03

Good story, but I didn't need it. I don't need it, I don't need to read it again.

Steph 10:06

But some so I'm landing in in the middle. So I'm I'm a sip, I'm a cheer speak both points. Star kind of hit a head on. It was, you know, listening to it. I listened to it, and it was like, oh my god, I'm talking out loud. It did evoke emotions, it was there, but it was still hard. Like I I had to text them. I had a moment where I was just like, I want to leave Dion's inner thoughts. It was a lot, it was a lot of back and forth, so that's why it's a sip for me because it was just like, girl, I need a break. Give me, give me, I'll come back later. Um, and so, but the storytelling of it all and the things that came out, some of it abruptly, and like Tasha said, the way that it ended, it was like, is it wanting more? No. For me, I'm good.

Tasha 11:03

But I didn't want anyone, I didn't like the way you repped it up. But I didn't like it either because I it's I don't need a fairy tale.

Steph 11:11

It doesn't need to be a happy ending, you know, we don't need all that. It's just um it just makes you I have more questions um because finding out certain things in the relationship with her mother is just like you want a little bit more, like what happened with you know with her father. We'll get into it with some of these topics. So I land in like a 3.5, like I'm in the middle because I enjoyed the story, the storytelling, how she did it. But then it was just girl Dion had me, and it was a 14-day she had me in a chokehold where it was like, girl, you want to fight her too.

Tasha 11:46

Like, look, he was like, girl, like she was just getting on my nerves, like girl.

Steph 11:51

I just want to but but it's an understanding of this is her inner thoughts. So I I'm I'm battling some of them thoughts came out. Well, of course, when she had the discussions, but like a lot of the back and forth of it though, like, because she was going to she was going to react, and when she was gonna react, she kind of stopped herself. So that's why I say it's like it's some of it is her inner thoughts that doesn't come out, some of them did, but some of them didn't. And the ones that didn't, I was like, it it was so wishy-washy. It was like a little bit of whiplash where it's just like make up your mind, but then I'm like, you know, Steph, you go through that. You do I like this dress? Don't I like this dress? What color works on me? So I'm thinking, okay, these are her inner thoughts. Try to embrace this stuff. No, you reminded me.

Tasha 12:35

No, you're I forget which book it was we read, where it was like, girl, you don't just let this good man love you. Like that's that's what was driving me crazy. Like her back and forth with if you got somebody that's trying to love you, trying to, he's treating you right, he's showing you all the right stuff. Girl, why is you flipping on him back and forth? Like you, I was like, girl, she was gonna lie.

Steph 12:55

I felt like that wasn't a love story. I felt like that was more of something she needed at that moment. It could it could turn into more, but in that moment, she didn't need that.

Star 13:04

She damn sure didn't need no more. She did not need no love, so she didn't need no more partners, she didn't need no more. I mean, I did not know she did not need a man.

Steph 13:13

She didn't.

Tasha 13:14

But that ended up being part of the story, them building this relationship.

Steph 13:17

And that's where it and and it's building, and that's where it is, building. And but that was, and then the way that it was.

Tasha 13:24

That part was getting on my nerves. Okay, so let's get into the topic. She's so many opinions. Trying to show her, like, hey, there's good dude. He's just trying to be there for her, even at first trying to be there for her, like in a friendly way. And she just kept pushing and then bring him in, then push them away, bring him in. I was like, girl, you're getting on my nerves.

Star 13:43

I but I think we're gonna, so we're we're gonna get to that, like on the one of the topics and why I yeah, we're gonna get to it. So let's let's let's get into the topics. Yeah, go ahead.

Steph 13:56

All

Protect And Provide Expectations

Steph 13:57

right, so the first one is the dot the idea of a man's duty to protect and provide, referring back to star's comment from Cinderella's dad about raising a son as a single mom.

Tasha 14:08

Oh, okay. That's yes, okay. So that this is me. So that that triggered in me, because um Dominic He had made the point of as a man, you have to protect and provide. That's my job is to protect and provide. And I know we're up here, we always talk about, nah, you know, we got it, we got it. I star, fix your face.

Star 14:25

No, y'all always fit your face.

Tasha 14:28

Right. And so when he said that, because I think, you know, when we were having the discussion before about like the gender roles and stuff in that book, and you had made the point about, you know, like that struggle as being a single mom raising a son, you know, with certain expectations, because you are trying to teach him, hey, this is what the world is going to expect. And we're like, no, we got it. No, we no, we don't need, we don't need. But I'm like, there is something inherent in men. But I'm like, is it inherent in us? Do we really expect to for them to protect and provide? Are we just saying, so we just saying words like, no, hey, we want to be equals and this and that, but really at the end of the day, yeah, there really is this set expectation that a man is going to protect and provide?

Star 15:13

Absolutely 100%. Okay, absolutely 100%. Time doesn't matter right now, today, sitting at this table. If y'all go somewhere with y'all husbands, if y'all go somewhere with your sons, if you're with your son's friends, and something happens or somebody says something, you absolutely 100% have an expectation, spoken or conscious, subconscious, spoken or unspoken, you absolutely 1000% have an expectation for that man to protect. And if he is, if he is a provider, the provider, your provider, you absolutely 100% expect him to provide.

Tasha 15:52

Okay, this is the thing.

Star 15:54

No matter if you contribute, not saying that you that we don't and we won't contribute, but if somebody knocks at that door and says, You got 24 hours to get out of here, I don't care where you're gonna lay your head and where your family's gonna lay your head, you got 24 hours to get out of here, you're gonna expect your husbands to come up with a solution for you and your family.

Tasha 16:15

And you know what is that? I think it would be a joint.

Steph 16:18

I would think it would be a joint.

Tasha 16:19

I will say this in my mind, and I will I will say, no, no, we we can figure this out together, but if I'm being 100% honest, I I would be looking at him like, okay, well, I mean, babe, what's the plan? And I know that Alvin, he feels that. Because I mean, I sometimes I could like see the weight on him where he he's like, whatever we're going through, he takes it all in on himself. But I'm like, babe, I hey, we're here. I'm in it together. He's like, I I do realize that you're here and we are in it together. But at the end of the day, there's something in him that he's just like, yeah, yeah, girl, we in it together. Let me okay, let me make sure I got it. So, and not that he doesn't trust me, and not that he doesn't know that I am his partner, and you know, we and I got him and everything, but there is something that's in him that he feels like at the end of the day, the buck stops with him and it's so apparently there probably is something in me that that also a little bit probably feels like I'm too nosy.

Steph 17:16

Like, I and I don't it's not being nosy, I just want to know things. So for me too, Jeff and I, I so we had a discussion, one of our good friends was in town, and we went out to dinner, and he was just like, we had a a an in-depth discussion, and and Jeff didn't feel like per se he's the man of the house. He's just like, yes and no. He's like, because he feels like we have a partnership as well. So it's like because we discuss things, and are there rash decisions that have been made throughout our relationship? Yes, but not a lot, and when you make it, the other person makes it known. And so it's just like because it's like this is stuff that we discuss because it's what our relationship is. So for me, it's like, yes, does he protect and provide? Is it an instinct? Yes, but we're equal, like that's how we view each other, and we've talked about it. He's the one that says it, you know, and I agree because everything is like we talk about everything. So, and when it comes to our kids, you know, making decisions on where we live, how we live, where we're going, you know, what we want to do. So, you know, I just don't like to be in the dark, especially like you're that you're my person. So I want to be open about everything. So, yes, there's a protect and provide. I would say yes, but or comma, comma plus, you know, in regards to that.

Tasha 18:44

Um I get your point now, okay? I get it. I get it, but I don't know what you're gonna say. It's a lot of words.

Star 18:52

It's a lot of words, it's a lot of words.

Tasha 18:56

I get what you're saying. Like, honestly, when I said only because at that point he was willing to risk his freedom with for that idea of I'm a man and this is what my role is. And I was like, huh, but when he said it, I was like, okay.

Star 19:12

Yeah, it is. It's a society, so and that's the thing that was kind of like aggravating because it's like in the in the in the moment of having a conversation about not subscribing to gender roles as we explain the gender roles we subscribe to. It's like, what's happening right now? But again, it's whatever, whatever agreement, whatever arrangement, right? Every everyone's household, you have individual households, you have individual situations. But we're talking about on a global, like the world, on a worldly view, like outside in the world, because in your home, that's your safe space, right? Everybody's safe and or should be safe in their home. And we'll we'll probably touch on that a little bit. But in your home, that's your safe place to figure out who does what, who's gonna say what, so on and so forth. But out in the world, even as couples, right? When you go out in the world, y'all know what role you play when you're with your man, right? You don't go out in the world and be like, hey, sit back, I I got this. Like, y'all don't do that. Y'all don't do that to your husbands. Like, you don't do that. You know what I mean? What what you do and how you operate in your homes is one thing, but and I'm even like the single, the single one sitting at the table. If I'm out with a man, like maybe you better believe. I'm whatever he says. That's what we're drinking. This is what I want to eat, all the things. Now I will watch for context clues because if it's if it's go time, then that's what we're gonna do too, because we got bail money. But nonetheless, I it's the world, like the world has an expectation, it does. And no matter how much we try to say, you know, say the things and be equals and all of that, the world does not see us as equals. And even further, if you're out, if I'm out with a man and something jumps off and something happens and I'm retelling the story, the first thing a person will be is like, well, where was such and such? Well, what did he do? Oh, he just stood there, now he now he a no good, good for nothing. Oh, you need to leave him alone. Oh, like, oh, well, he might as well. Oh, so you wearing a pant. Then it'd be all the things. So stop playing with me.

SPEAKER_00 21:33

Yeah.

unknown 21:33

Okay.

Star 21:35

And that is that. And that's that. I'm glad that we were able to come to a consensus and an agreement on that. Love it when the moment comes full circle. It only took three, it only took three additional books.

Steph 21:49

Girl comma plus comma plus comma plus.

Can Trauma Stay Buried

Steph 21:53

Um, the next topic um is can you really build a happy future when part of your past is Still unresolved. And just to give you some context with Dion before y'all answer, yes, she had to take a test and wait 14 days for her to get the results back, but in that time frame, she goes through the emotions of it all from basically her whole sexual life and how it started and where it led her to. And so, and there is some trauma in there. So, that being said, could you have a future with an unresolved past? A lot of trauma. Yes, it's a lot.

Tasha 22:38

And the thing is, I would say not really. Well, because I feel like you you have to process and deal with your past in order to have like a healthy future. I mean, you know what I mean? Just I mean, yeah, I mean, yeah, you there's definitely people who just suppress, suppress, suppress, and they are they going through life every day. And hey, they may have a happy situation, they may have figured out how to do that. But I feel like at some point, especially when it's trauma, you can't run from it forever. It seems like it comes up in some way and comes out in some way in different areas of your life. So I feel like, especially when you have like traumatic situations that you have to find some way to deal with and process, whether it's therapy, like talk therapy or whatever, you have to find some way to process that and work through it in order to move forward in a healthy manner. So can you move forward? Yes, but in a healthy, productive way. I thought you have to have found some way to and once again, this is the early 90s. So you therapy was not really popular.

Steph 23:54

She was in her 30s, she was like 33. So you have to understand at that time, yes, everything you're saying, great, wonderful, agreed. But at that time, that's not what we do.

Tasha 24:06

No, we ain't talk about nothing.

Steph 24:08

And so for her, it was just so could you have a so you know you couldn't? I feel like the answer is for me is no, because somehow, somehow it'll come up, it'll damage some future relationships being platonic or romantic. So, but it's just that it'll come up. But the thing is, we're a lot more, we're at a place where we're more open now than we were back then. So everything was if it was something bad, you didn't tell anybody. And you kept it to yourself, even the way that she she treated her friend, Farah.

Tasha 24:44

Farah was mad. She was like, You're going through what? And I had to find out from a stranger. Correct. But she didn't even know how to have like healthy friendship relationships. She did not know how to have relationships at all. She didn't really know that.

Steph 24:57

And she had to put on a face, and that that was the other thing. It's like every day, I think, because of her mom and her upbringing, and her mom was the provider, and she did have a dad, but her parents got divorced because of religious reasons. And so her stepdad was in her life, and so her mom was the provider. I mean, was the homemaker and and her stepdad was the provider. So for her, it's like you had to put on a makeup, like makeup is on, you have to be ready to go. You can never look unpolished, and so she was having a breakdown with a lot of different things, and this particular situation with her ex-boyfriend Darren brings her to it. Um, but I just don't think back then at that time it wasn't gonna, she wasn't gonna consciously do it herself because of Darren's situation. All of this came out, and like you said, it's always a moment that makes you have all of this trauma that comes back up from your past, and how do you handle it?

Tasha 25:58

Yeah, she literally was putting her makeup on, like she was like, she had to do her full face of makeup in order just like to be seen. Like that's how she had to present herself. And girl, what you covering up? It ain't it ain't just acne scars. You just try you trying to cover up all of the ugliness from inside. It's like, girl, no, wipe that off and let's talk about it, let's deal with it.

Steph 26:19

Yeah, Pharaoh is a good one.

Star 26:21

Um, I I'm torn on the question. Um, I do when you say unresolved, right? Like I think you have to define what does un what does unresolved mean? Or what does resolution look like first? Well, that's different for everybody though. And I think that's and that's where I'm going. So can you I think that you can. I I think you have to have some type of resolution. Does it have to be therapy? Does it have to be confronting, you know, does it have to be confrontation? I think that it can be a number of different things, but I do think that you there has to be some resolution and there has to be a conscious decision that I'm moving on from this, and I'm not going to let this thing control me or you know dictate the rest of my life. Are we still good here? Um, so I do I do think you can. I think you you have to have some resolution, but what that resolution looks like is different for everybody.

Steph 27:38

Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

When A Stranger Sees You

Steph 27:41

But I do like for me the role that Dominique played in this, um, because I did have like a topic of like, can a stranger bring out not necessarily different emotions, but brings out certain things of you that a close like a fera. So the way Dominique brought things out of her, she did it with no one else. And she treated that man badly.

Star 28:12

I don't know how I feel. I I still don't know how I feel about the I I don't know how I feel about that dynamic of the relationship. It was I don't I don't know how I feel about that. Um, I get that there was some comfort maybe that she felt because he was not someone that she really knew and he was technically a stranger. So maybe it was easier to be vulnerable because she could make the decision, like, oh, I can just cut ties with him, right? Initially, but then she brought him in, like completely in with the whole project, the work, the trip, the and all of that. So it's like initially it made sense because it's like there's this stranger, I can pour it all out, I can let it all out, and then I don't ever have to see this person again, right? It's it's kind of like when we go on vacation, like, oh, I'll cheeks out all that. I don't know these people, I don't ever have to see these people again in life, right? We have vacation outfits, we have home outfits. Because but once you make the decision to bring that home, right? And into your everyday and your personal life, that's where it got a little weird for me. Because then I'm like, well, now what is this dynamic? Because you've brought him into your world and made him more of a fixture, so he's not just this disposable stranger.

Steph 29:39

Well, I think that's like her shoulder to cry on, like she used him as her shoulder to cry on unknowingly and took him on a trip to this, and it was it was a lot of emotion.

Tasha 29:50

She probably should have got a diary or a journal or something I'm just how else could she have gotten these feelings? I just she may have some other options.

Star 30:02

Because taking him through, and he was good because he was very, very patient. He was very patient.

Steph 30:08

But he had a past too, and so because of his past, you know, I felt like his patience paid off because that lady, Dion, girl, bring him in, push him back, bring him in, push back.

Tasha 30:22

Oh, girl. Oh, she was getting on my nerves.

Steph 30:24

I told y'all I wanted to leave her inner thoughts. It was very frustrating. Very frustrating.

Star 30:31

That's a dynamic I don't know if I took into account.

Steph 30:34

So I didn't take it to account because I just felt I don't know. It was a lot, I don't at this point where you are in your life and what you are currently doing, nothing romantic should be coming to okay. This is Steph, should be entering your thoughts. And so, and Mara didn't really bring a lot of that into it. Like she she did because she had a moment about kissing. Did they kiss? Was it a pet? Did they, or was that a mental? That was an inner thought. It was so much.

Star 31:03

That was a part I didn't even realize that there was, and I'll have to go back. There are some spots where that maybe that kind of makes sense. I thought everything that now I did realize that there were some moments where she was having blackouts, like she was blacking out.

Steph 31:16

Yeah, but that but it it tells you why.

Star 31:19

Yeah, so I do get that there was a reason behind that, but I didn't get the piece where there were some things that she was just kind of thinking to herself versus what she was actually saying to him that was coming out of out of her mouth because of the the blackouts that were happening.

Tasha 31:36

So sometimes she would think crazy things, and then she would just like jump on him and he'd be all confused, like what? What's happening? Right, because she had a whole situation in her head. Girl, she was getting on my nerves.

Star 31:49

She was. Don't worry about it. If you win the swag bag at the walk um event, you'll have your own time copy of the book to read. I cannot and figure out. You want to take us into this last topic? So, yes. So,

Fathers Daughters And Feeling Safe

Star 32:06

all of the things that have been said, the topic that I want to discuss um and what I have here is the importance of the father and daughter relationship. So we've had a lot of conversations, we've read a lot of books, and we always somehow another touch on or come to the point of the importance of the relationships that children have with their parents, right? Sons with their mothers, daughters with their fathers, and all of the things in between, right? Daughters and sons, and I mean, daughters and mothers, daughters and fathers, all the things, right? Not all the anyway. Um, so with Dion's situation, a lot of her trauma obviously starts and this this downward spirals because not only does she not have the best relationship with her biological father, but there's also not a good relationship with the stepfather either. So here we have a young, a young girl, right? Her parents were got divorced. What was did she say she was 11? No, something like that, or younger.

Steph 33:23

I think she was like six seven. Six seven, okay.

Star 33:25

Very young age, her parents got divorced. And she had a younger sister, and there was a younger sister. So at the point where her parents get divorced for whatever they had going on, right? Because adults and their relationships, but the kids usually internalize that. And is it my fault, or why doesn't this parent love me? Why don't they care about me? So on and so forth. And that's what she experienced, right? Not only because her father was no longer a part of their life, and in her mind, kind of went on, right? Moved on and created this new family. That was her perspective. So that was her biological that was the relationship or how she grew up thinking the relationship was with her biological father, and then having this stepfather that came in and was not the best person um at all, was very much a predator, and so that is now the new relationship that she has with the father figure, and he was also, you know, telling her, talking bad about her biological father to reinforce the yeah, to misinform and reinforce the things that he was doing and the bad person that he was being. So all of that said, it leads to as we're going through these 14 days with her, right? It leads to this promiscuity, it leads to this her saying she got to a point where she was using her body to that. Was the value that was if I want people to stay, if I want people to care or to have any feeling at all, like it's my body. And I think we kind of experienced this a little bit when we read Queenie, God forbid. Um, not to the extent, right? Not in the same way, but that same general idea.

Tasha 35:25

Your your value is just in your body. Yeah. Um, and I think for me, like when you talked about the importance, like, you know, I said like the father, daughter role, like the role of father in daughter's life, it took me back to like, okay, she was looking for a protector. Because she actually was more mad with her dad. With her biological with the biological dad than she was with her mom over the situation, you know, the with the trauma in her life. And I think it's because he wasn't there, because she was looking for that protector. Hey, my dad's gonna protect me. I mean, the same way I said before, before I knew that Alvin Salton was gonna protect me, I knew that Nathan Nil was gonna protect me. Like, even and even sometimes now I'd be like, well, get get out of pocket, Alvin, because my daddy be right over here. I don't call my daddy. Nobody call my daddy.

SPEAKER_00 36:17

I cannot.

unknown 36:18

I cannot.

Tasha 36:19

No, but I mean, and that is for real. So, like, the dad is like, you know, your first protector. So, like, she did. She was angry with him because of what she went through because he wasn't there.

Star 36:36

And she even told him there was a point, you know, where it was like, you weren't there to say somebody cares about them. Like they're mine, they belong to somebody and somebody cares about them. So I think that just it just reinforced that whole dynamic just reinforced for me.

Steph 36:58

I think there's a value in all the relationships. Like, definitely father-daughter, you want somebody to treat your child the way, you know, like they're precious to you. And so for somebody to come and just ruin that, it's just God forbid, you would just hate that. So I feel like any relationship is very needed in any household. But yes, for a father, daughter, because me and my dad didn't have like I can't say hashtag girl dad. I can't. Um, but we had a relationship. I think he was my protector, but there was no relationship. And so we have one now, but back then it was very difficult because we just didn't understand each other. And I'm very strong-headed, guarded sometimes. We'll hold a grudge. Oh, you don't want to talk? I can hold out longer. Let's try, let's bet. And so that's not a good trait to have. I've I've realized that over time, and I've worked on it and I've gotten better. It's probably down to about two weeks. Um depending on the severity of the situation. It's depending on who you are. Um, but so for me, I agree, yes, to the relationship. Like, I feel like you should be there, you know, show like how you should be treated. But both kids, like, you know, with my son, like how you should treat other people. And when you're dating, when you're courting, and same with my daughter, on how you should be treated and how you should treat others. I mean, so it's just as Star says, all the things, like the dynamic is there. So Dion had just a her cards was just jacked up.

Tasha 38:42

But you know, I think this is a thing though, because it's not necessarily, because I mean, for sure. I mean, just because I mean, of who my dad is. We it was not like the oh, like a warm and fuzzy. Don't get we we definitely clash sometimes. I mean, and I used to be like, dad, like, why you gotta be an asshole? Like, what? He just he didn't become a hole, he'd be, you know, he might he just be angry, like what? Because this is nothing for nothing. But what I could always count on was I knew that he was always our protector. Like, I mean, that in that part, like it was a safety in my home that I like that was never in question. Correct. Like I just knew, like, I mean, I was I never felt unsafe in his presence. And I feel like that's the like that's the part that is like this, because again, I said it wasn't like, you know, I mean, you know, I y'all know I'm not huggy. And say my dad, we're not huggy, but do I know that again, like, but have I always felt cared for and always protected, like, you know, yes, and safe. And so I feel like that's the the girl that in me. Like, I mean, it's because our adult relationship is definitely much different than our relationship when I was at home. Because I was just like, he has he had a lot of rules. I was like, bruh, like that. Like, what? But again, it was just such a safe, but I always had like a this safe place um in my home and again and felt that safeness with my dad. Like I just knew that I mean, again, he got me that's say the same way that I just know um that Alvin had me. That's why I don't tell you I'd be walking around here just like woo-doo woo-doo woo, like head in the clouds. And because I just I was traveling with Alvin, uh, he got it. And it even if it brings me back to, I can kid y'all not, it was like last summer, we were all out on the boat, we owned a little family boat, and we hit in a storm. Like, storm is it's blazing, like it's thunder, lightning, everybody cowering, they crying and stuff. And yeah, I was a little bit scared, but like Alvin was driving the boat. And when we finally made it back to shore and everything, and everybody I was like, and everybody all figured out I was like, I was never scared. I was like, Alvin was driving the boat. I was like, everybody Alvin loved was on that boat. I was like, I was on there, my mom, my sister, like all of his kids, um Renee was on there, she was pregnant. My grandbabies. I was like, everything Alvin loves on that boat. I said, he was not gonna let us drown. I was like, what? Because I was never scared. And Alvin was like, I kid you not impressive. When I tell y'all like about those gender roles, when I kid y'all not, and so that when we start talking about safety, that's what triggered it. Because I I kid y'all not. I I was again, I was calm. I was just like, I was driving the boat, and everything, everybody was done. I was like, yeah. He was wiping his face, he was like, I couldn't see. He's like, I didn't, he's like, I was not sure I was gonna be able to get us back to the to the doc. And I was like, oh, no, I didn't even have it. Like, there was never like literally no doubt in my mind. Like, I was not because that's how he makes me feel the same way. My dad made me feel now. I've my daddy may have been right here stressed out too. I don't know. I just know I've always felt very protective. I'm happy to hear it. I'm so happy that.

Star 42:12

I'm glad, yeah. That's go go, Alvin. Yeah, man. Yeah. Shout out because again, I invited it.

Steph 42:23

I want you to know what your your wife is over here.

Tasha 42:26

I see now why Star be rolling her eyes at me sometimes. I get it. I I get it. Make sure you roll it that way, girl.

Steph 42:32

And step over here. What you need, Jeff? You need a YouTube. Who can I call? You got it. Rah, like the loudest in the room. The patriarchy.

unknown 42:46

What?

Star 42:47

Like it's all ten of these lives he's responsible for. And one unborn, and it's stormy. She's like, he and that ain't what he does. He ain't no, that ain't what he does.

Tasha 43:01

Hello. This is a leisure activity. I was, I was very like, I was like, I was like, this go Alvin.

Steph 43:10

Go Alvin.

Tasha 43:10

There's no way he's not gonna get us back to shore. Like, everything he loves is on this boat. Like, y'all calm down. Like, everybody relax.

Star 43:18

My man, my man got it. This girl. My man got it. No pressure. No pressure. But yeah, I, you know, I think this was a so to that end. That is why I will say again, I think the book was needed. It's gonna, you know, spark some conversation.

Tasha 43:35

Not for you though.

Star 43:36

And all the things and and all the things. And if you come to the audio walk at Swanee Town Center and you get the swag bag, you will have your very own signed copy. Signed by Mara herself. Mara herself.

Tasha 43:52

All right.

Final Thoughts Nostalgia And Goodbye

Steph 43:53

Well thanks for tuning in to the special edition.

Tasha 43:56

And to this revisit of our college days with the whole. Oh, you finish. Oh, let me go.

Steph 44:00

I was a little grit. This was quite refreshing, but I'm not hip. Very refreshing. Yes. Very refreshing. I mean, not refreshing, but it was an oldie but goodie.

Tasha 44:12

It is oldie, but I I'll be honest. It was good. I don't know if I'm gonna put this in my regular um no rotation because I'm 48. What do I need to be drinking hypnotic and hennessy for like this? I I still drink hypnotic.

Steph 44:24

Low-key. My my best friend's husband be clamming me about it too.

Star 44:28

I don't know that I anyway. Um I will say the smell of it is bringing back. You know how like sometimes certain smells or sounds or things like the smell of it is bringing back some.

Steph 44:41

We attempted some Alize or MD2020. I was like even boo. No, we would no we won't do no MD20. And and everybody was XNA on the We didn't do no bull farm, no bad, no, none of that. No, so here's our option. So check it out. It's a it's clearly it's it's an oldie but goodie.

Star 44:59

It's an oldie but goodie. Is it good, sir?

Tasha 45:02

Is it?

Star 45:03

I'm not gonna lie to y'all. I don't know. I got water.

Tasha 45:08

We couldn't even convince her to do it for the people. We wanted she was like, I'm not drinking that.

Star 45:14

I'm not doing that. How much black girl's liquor? I I don't recall drinking it when it was a thing. I'm damn sure not want to do it.

Steph 45:21

I mean, I really think it was when it was a thing, but it's it's a it's it's nostalgic.

Star 45:26

I now I have had Hennessy before, and I I think I think we did Alaze. Um, I do recall drinking Alaze. Um Hennessey, I don't remember with no Hennessy, but I did never mixed the Hennessy and the Alize. Yeah, we didn't do that. Um, or I didn't do that, I would say. And my H2O is very well we enjoy it for her.

Steph 45:50

So we did. You know what is it?

Star 45:52

Yes, so so until next time. Next time read boldly, sip slowly. Cheers, sip slowly, especially if especially a bit if you're doing Nancy and Hypnotic if you're at home though, whatever you