Gratitude And The November Vibe

Steph 0:22

Step into the lit life, girls with star.

Tasha 0:28

Hey, BGL, and welcome back. Hey DJ Natasha. And I'm Lux.

Speaker 1 0:34

I'm Star. And I'm Steph.

Tasha 0:36

All right, y'all. And it is November.

Lex 0:39

Love the fall. Fall.

Tasha 0:41

Okay. This November is the month of thanks. And so I wanted to kick this episode off by telling you guys how thankful I am for you guys being in my life. And you know, I appreciate you guys. And I really do. I'm thankful that you guys said yes when I asked you to be on a podcast with me. And we're here today.

Speaker 1 1:01

So we love you too, girl. Love you too, girl.

Tasha 1:05

And that's it. That's that's all I have for intro today. Legs. Tell the people what we're drinking. Oh, so we're jumping right into it. We're getting right into it. I really want to talk about the book. I want to talk about it.

Lex 1:14

So am I jumping into it? We're gonna okay. Awesome. Well, everybody, we have a treat for you today. So, for this episode, we are bringing out a southern classic. Old smoky white lightning moonshine. Oh! I've been wanting to do a moonshine episode for the longest. So it's the time has come. I'm nervous.

Steph 1:45

Very nervous.

Lex 1:46

A clear, traditional style moonshine with a smooth, bold kick and plenty of country charm. White lightning feels like the drink that belongs at the grown folks' table. Simple, unapologetic, and guaranteed to get the conversation going. And paired with Ken by Tayari Jones. This is a second book we're reading of hers, actually. So we love her at BGL. The stories are complicated, so let's just add a little moonshine to that and make it more complicated. Stuff. Tell us about our lit with complications.

Meet Kin And The Moonshine

Tasha 2:25

Seems like such a great idea.

Steph 2:27

It is. For this one, I think it compliments it because, yes, let me just tell you about the book real quick so you can have an understanding of why we feel the way that we do with this moonshine pairing. We read Ken by Tayari Jones. Today we're diving into Ken by award-winning author Tayari Jones, a powerful story about friendship, family, motherhood, sisterhood, and the bonds that can survive even when life pulls people in completely different directions. At the center of the story are Vernice and Annie, two girls who grew up together in Honeysuckle, Louisiana. Both are motherless, but their experiences couldn't be more different. Bernice, raised by a strong, determined aunt, leaves Louisiana at 18 for Spelman College, where she enters a world of black female excellence, ambition, privilege, opportunity, and begins to discover just how complicated those things can be. Annie, haunted by the mother who abandoned her, becomes determined to find the woman who left her behind. That search takes Annie to a world of danger, adversity, love, and survival. Years pass, and the two friends build lives far removed from the childhood they once shared. But then a devastating tragedy brings their worlds crashing back together. Let's see what everybody thinks about the book.

Ratings And First Reactions

Tasha 3:47

All right, y'all. Y'all know how you rate these books. Either cheers, sip, babysit, or send it back. I'll get it started. I enjoy the book.

Steph 4:02

What a delayed reaction. Cheers. Oh my gosh, really? Right. Surprise. Tasha love, love everybody.

Tasha 4:13

No, you never see, you never cease to amaze me. You know, no, this is the thing. It is a book about, I think Lex said, you know, complicated relationships. You see how the differing paths of the two friends, you know, they started out together in life, but you know how their paths go separately, but still sort of come back together. It just it was a lot in it, and I enjoyed it. And I mean, I enjoyed her other book too. So I'm a fan. What about you, Lex?

Lex 4:40

I'ma give her a sip and a floater. So 3.5. We're trying something new today. Sip and a floater. You know, our girl Tayari just loves messy, complicated things because that last book was very complicated.

Steph 4:58

The American marriage. The American marriage.

Lex 5:00

Yeah, the American marriage. Yes. Very complicated, very messy. So this book follows that same suit. But what I really enjoyed about the book is I felt true girlhood in this book. I think it was captured very well. Both like the beautiful parts of being a girl and being a woman and becoming a woman, but also like the tragic and not so good parts about it, too. I think it just gave a holistic view on girlhood. And I really enjoyed it for that reason. Beautiful book, beautifully written. Okay.

Star 5:35

Here we go, star. Listen, I'm not gonna keep you here long. It's a babysit for me. Two stars. It went on and on and on and on and on and on. And it kept going on. It wasn't a bad book, but for as long as it went on, I feel like I needed more character development. Like, what do we really know about any of these characters? And when I say it went on and on and on, it was 40-something chapters. Okay. They were not long chapters. It's not they were not saying that they were long chapters, but it can't, it was kept being more of them, is all I'm saying. And for that amount of chapters, I feel like we should have known more about who the characters were as individuals. And we didn't. We knew we just went on this long ass journey with them, right? But we never got to know them as individuals. That's how that's that's how I would definitely make to different and that's why we're here.

Tasha 6:48

Okay.

Star 6:49

We'll talk about it. Absolutely. But yeah, that's so that's why I got a babysitter. I and not ascend it back because it was a good long story.

Steph 7:00

I can't with her with the long well, I you know, I don't mind a little detail. You know, some of the books that I read, you know, the authors that I pick give you a little detail and you know, the characters and all the good stuff. So for me, I'm gonna go and give it a cheers because I enjoyed it.

Speaker 7:21

Okay.

Steph 7:22

All the way from beginning to end. She had me in it. My husband was like, You did enjoy the book because I heard several gasps and laughter throughout.

Lex 7:30

You love an audible gang.

Steph 7:32

Yeah, he was just like, Yeah, you if you didn't like it, uh what you were doing over here in the bed reading the book. So for me, I thoroughly enjoyed it. You know, the journey as you know, they're in two different households. You can tell how people are brought up in different homes, even though the situations are similar but different, you could see how they became young ladies and how one of them was stuck on one idea that she would never let go. So if you read the book, you'll understand, and we'll get into it when we start having discussions about it. So, but I enjoyed Tayari. You did a great job. I liked it better than American marriage, personally. Yeah, I did. It was just, I just enjoyed it. Like the sisterhood, them standing behind each other no matter what. And then it was back in the day where how you communicate, I think you valued things a little bit more back then because you cherish it because you don't get to talk to people as often back then. You didn't have the FaceTime, the technology to see each other. So you're handwriting letters, you know, making long-distance calls. It's a different kind of life. And the way that they committed to each other, you can commend them about that. And I could appreciate that, even though you know, one of them was trying to tell the other one she wanted. I think Bernice wanted to tell Amy to let some things go, but being a good friend, she just supported her.

Tasha 8:53

I think she understood. You know, I miss getting handwritten letters. Do you? Yeah. My husband used to do that too. We had 10 pals before. Oh, okay. Also, y'all know what else I missed? Taking these shots?

Lex 9:03

Yeah, we had to travel next to it. No, we did not. But you know what? This is perfect because I was gonna add that this book was very not very Atlanta, but I loved how many like key spots of Atlanta were featured in this book. So cheers to Atlanta.

Steph 9:24

Cheers to the moonshine that I ooh Lord.

Speaker 1 9:30

Oh Lord, do you see it? Woo! Yes, ever clear? Maybe. Okay, well, what's a shot, y'all?

Steph 9:42

I mean, it's moonshine. Listen, what can you say about moonshine?

Star 9:45

It's growl. It's alcohol.

Steph 9:47

That is all that it is.

Lex 9:48

It's burning, it's hard. That's that's chrome. Okay, why? I really also don't think you're supposed to like well, no, you cannot you shouldn't. But you shouldn't.

Steph 9:59

You shouldn't. You shouldn't. But you know, back in the day, that's what they did.

Speaker 1 10:02

They're very much giving hooch. Yeah, mm-hmm. Yeah, y'all be careful. Y'all be careful with that.

Steph 10:08

Very careful. Yeah, very careful.

Star 10:09

Okay. All right, well, we're up. Are we awake? Oh, yeah. Hello, are we here?

Tasha 10:14

The chest.

Star 10:15

I I got the I'm first up. Yes.

Tasha 10:18

You want you want to make sure people can see you? Um God. So much going on.

Star 10:24

You know you're adding new stuff in here. Yeah, the way he's trying to elevate. The way Tasha got us technology up. Oh god, if y'all could see it. We got we're gonna show y'all eventually, y'all. See, we we really put a lot into this for y'all. So just you know it's a process.

Mixing The Southern Spark Cocktail

Tasha 10:40

But growth in here.

Star 10:41

Yeah, we're we're we're doing good. So the first drink is the southern spark. My moonspark. It's the southern spark. And what we have in the southern spark is our white lightning moonshine. We got some lemonade in there, and then we topped that off with some ginger ale. So hopefully it'll it'll cut some of the cut some of the cut some of the stuff. And we got garnishes today. Hello, lemon will into it. Very southern.

Lex 11:13

Oh, I could do that. Almost like a lemon cello that they were drinking in the book.

Speaker 1 11:18

Now, this I can do.

Steph 11:19

This I can do. I can sip on this. This I can do.

Star 11:22

This is good. Yeah, that's very good. It's giving lemonade with a little. It's refreshing. A little southern lemonade, okay. There you go. Yeah, okay. So, with that, the first question that I have. So, Steph

Chasing Closure Past Every Warning

Star 11:36

kind of alluded to um one of our main characters was kind of just dead set on this thing, trying to find and get closure, if you will, to a situation. And I feel like every step of the way there was some roadblock or something that should have been her signal to stop and rethink and maybe let it go. Right. And I think sometimes we push and we push and we we think we want something so bad that we ignore all the detours, all the stop signs, all the red lights, and just continue to push forward. So I wanted to ask you, ladies, like, have you, and not necessarily what the experience was, um, unless you want to share it with the people, but have you ever experienced a situation um or even your or even your kids, right? Like we're all parents. Um, you know, Lex is looking maybe, maybe, maybe maybe we'll have a new mom soon. We'll see. You know, the newly willing ways. We'll see. But have you ever has there ever been a situation or something where you have just pressed the issue and pressed the issue only to get to the end of the thing or reach a resolution and realize, you know what? I should have left this a long time ago. You know what I mean? Like, have you guys ever had that experience? Or like, how did what do you feel about that being a thing, if you will?

Steph 13:17

Like something wasted my time. Let me stop. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that about Annie. She was, but she had to let it go.

Lex 13:24

I've definitely experienced it with my ex, the person that I was with before my husband. That was my first like long-term relationship. And just with being where I'm from, in my head, it was a real reality that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. So, like, I found this man and I thought he was great, and this was gonna be the person I marry, but also like this is the one shot that I get. So, like, it needs to work. And so, in that relationship, I think I ignored a lot of things and I acted a lot of ways that are were completely outside of my character, completely outside of myself. But I kept telling myself, no, Lex, you gotta make this work because this is your only shot at finding somebody because you're not about to be alone. I always tell my friends now that, like, when you end a relationship or just something that was toxic, it can even be platonic or whatever, and the first thing you feel is relief, that is a good sign that you did the right thing. And I remember when it finally came to a head and I was like, you know what? Fuck this and fuck you. I'm done. Okay. The amount of relief and peace I felt, I did not think I was going to find that by ending this relationship because I put so much into it. But if I hadn't have ended this relationship, I wouldn't have found my now awesome husband who was like more than what I could have ever imagined. And so, yeah, definitely put up with some stuff for like two plus years, two, three years that I needed to let go a long time ago.

Steph 15:04

Yeah.

Lex 15:04

So absolutely.

Steph 15:05

But it took you a couple of years. Annie still was struggling.

Lex 15:08

Yeah, I eventually left it alone. Yes, I did. Yes, yes.

Star 15:12

And I think, like, so for me, now being the age that I am, it's similar, right? Relationships. And I think I've spoken to it before, like about intuition and trusting my intuition more. And um, a person that I used to date would always say, like, trying to fit um circles into square holes or vice versa, whatever the hell. And it was definitely that. But a lot of times we we like you said, we want a thing. We think we want the thing and don't realize that it's whole time the thing that you think you want that you're holding on to ends up being a thing that's keeping you from the progress that you want to make. You know what I mean? A regional goal.

Steph 15:56

Yeah. So yeah, I mean, I would agree with that. I think when you're younger, you try to make things work because that when you're younger, you don't know the experience as we get older. Like, there are things I'm like, let it go, Steph. Let it go. Like, why do you even care that much? Even at this age, I I don't really don't care as much. But you know, um, but when you're younger, you do. Like, you, you know, you want the friends, you want the relationships, you want all the things, even though you know it might not be good for you. And for me, I had that experience. I had a friendship, and there are things that happened in that friendship, and I kept giving it a chance, kept giving it a chance. And then I had a conversation with that person. I think we were on the phone for several hours. And as soon as I got off the phone, I told I talked to Jeff, and I was just like, I will never be friends with that person again. Because it was just it. I tried, we talked, and and not saying that we aired any grievances that we had, because once again, I was still young, and you know, confrontation was, you know, you kind of tiptoe with that and you kind of don't like it at a young age, or you do, I didn't. And so there were some grievances that I had that I I probably didn't resolve in the conversation, but even so, some of the things in the conversation indicated to me that we're never gonna be those friends again. And I'm okay with that. And so when I got off the phone, I see that person every blue moon, and hey, hey, you good, oh, you good? I'm good. And that's it. And I keep it, yeah, and that's it. So I think you do realize it, but when you're younger, and you have to keep in mind these girls are young, they're like going to college, so you're in your late teens, early 20s, and it's the 60s, so 50, 60. So it's a different kind of vibe, it's a different kind of, you know, uh the women, what women do, you're there to cater to the man still, that patriarchy, and you know, what the woman role is and what they're supposed to do. So I've experienced it, but I feel like age does play a factor in that. And Annie was one is a character for me that I felt like she needed to let it go. But with the age she was at, it was very tough for her to do that.

Lex 18:07

And she just wasn't ready. She wasn't. Like you, when you're ready, like the artist that shall not be named when a woman's fed up. When you're fed, but it's real though. Like when you're done, when you're ready to be done, you're ready to be. But I just was ready.

Tasha 18:25

So I mean, because system, I've definitely stayed too long in relationships, stayed too long in jobs. You know, there's there's definitely places I've stayed too long and realize that now. I will say, for any situation, I didn't understand why she didn't make moves quicker. Like she was, she traveled all the way to Memphis and then was just hanging out, hoping to bump into somebody. And I'm like, girl, you got the address. Just go over there. Like, I don't understand why it was the way to go. Like, what was she waiting for inside herself? Like, what was she waiting to be ready for? Like, what you've done all, you're you're here. What are you doing?

Star 19:05

But I think that's what it was. I think it was a fear of rejection. The fear of rejection. And do you like you think you want a thing, but do I really? And I don't think that she knew whether or not she was prepared to handle if there, if she was going to be rejected again. Like, what, you know, because in her mind, I think just right, perfect world. Like everybody has the perfect world scenario. Like, best case scenario, you're gonna go and it's gonna be welcome, and everything's gonna be rainbows and unicorns and all of that. But a lot of times you don't think about worst case scenario. Like, what's the worst case scenario? But I want to know either way. And if it's that, can I handle it though? Right. And she's young.

Tasha 19:50

I want to know either way.

Star 19:51

But you're but you're young.

Steph 19:52

You're like you're 17, 18, you're like 18, 19 at this time. Do you really want to know? Like, I agree with Star. Like, I I knew why I was like, girl, just go, just go. But I'm 40, you know, I'm 47 now. So for me, be like, I'm just gonna go. If I get that rejection, I'm gonna take it on the chin, shed a tear in behind closed doors, but keep it pushing. At 17 to 20, when she's experienced this, it's she's already had this rejection for all her life. And then to go face it and then get more rejection, she might go jump off a bridge at that point.

Tasha 20:22

But I feel like she took the big step to jump in a car and go. Like she, so I feel like she'd already thought it out. So she had already thought, okay, hey, this I'm I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go see what is going to happen, see whether it's gonna be good, bad, or ugly. I'm gonna go. So you've already taken the big step. So that really was the only part to me that didn't feel realistic. Because I'm like, why are you sitting here all this time hoping to have a run-in when you had the address? Go knock on the door. I was confused with that.

Lex 20:53

She was getting a lot of negative messaging about, I mean, we can just name it. She was trying to find her mom. Like she was trying to find the person who birthed her. So I also think there was a mentality around it as well. Like everyone that she grew up with grew up saying essentially your mama wasn't shit. And she left you, she left you for a reason. People who leave their kids leave their kids for a reason. She didn't want to be found. So I think she's also battling. Yes, like she wants to find who her mother is and have that bond, but also she's fighting these messages she's been getting her whole life from everybody around her.

Steph 21:34

Because she's holding that hold for that little light that her she's she's still seeing. It's an internal battle. Right. She's still still holding on to that good hope where everybody everybody else knows. But the thing is, you know her. I don't know her. So I still picture her as somebody that is good in my soul. Where everybody around you is like, no, she's not. She needed to know that for herself.

Lex 21:57

And I think that's scary.

Star 22:00

Why it took her so long, but I also think there's a dynamic too of the way she planned the trip going, it did not go that way, it started out. So if you if you think about it, right, in the because we have to we have to make up what the hell the characters were thinking because we don't know. But if you think about how the trip started out, what she planned, she started the trip out being rejected. That's true. Like, think about that. Like what she they came up with a plan and all of that, and she was gung-ho to yeah, I'm gonna go, and thinking that she had a certain support system behind her. And from the time when he showed up, it was it changed immediately before they even but she kept pushing like so.

Tasha 22:52

She, every roadblock that came in, she climbed over, she found a way, she made a way. So why would she get all the way to the end? And that's my question. All the way when she got all the way to the end of the journey. Why didn't she just go knock on the door of her mom's house? Like that was the only part that really tripped me up. I'm just like, you fought all this way to get there. Why are you just waiting to hope to bump into her in the streets of Memphis? Like, girl, go knock on the door. Like, she did, but we have to give her credit. She did. And look what happened and what happened when she did. And again, all her friends was over her. They were mad when they're like, girl, I'm so sick of hearing about it. Like, you know. So and I don't that was that's honestly that was the only part of the book that didn't really. I was kind of like, I that did not make sense to me. That was the only part that I was.

Steph 23:38

Right, but then when she finally did do it, what happened afterward?

Star 23:41

She had to we needed 45 chapters. So I mean, oh God.

Lex 23:46

I don't know. I think we should give my girl. She did make some stupid ass decisions. She did, but she was she was young and she didn't have no mama, and she was trying to figure out who she was, and she felt like she couldn't know who she was unless she knew where she came from and who she like she just I think we need to give our girl a little bit more credit. She was going through a lot of becoming a woman without her.

Steph 24:10

And the person that was raising her raising her was her grandmother, and her grandmother raised so many kids, and now I'm raising she's tired. So, once again, when you get raised in two different households, similar situations, not having your parents, like you know, what the outcome is where you had for Vernice a dedicated aunt, and then you had Annie. Her grandmama was like, Here, girl, you got food, clothes, and go to school in a bed.

Star 24:36

But you can't use the bear necessity. She was definitely seeking a mother. I don't even think she was so much seeking just a mother, like in the sense of a woman in a body. Like I think she was, she wanted a mother. No, she wanted a mother figure. And her mom wasn't going to be that. And I think that was a little apprehension. I think that gave her a little, a little bit of pause too, to Lex's point, as she was hearing the stories and who her mom was, she was never going to be the mother figure that she was searching for. And I think that's why because if you think about how she clung to Lula and got attached to her, like Lula Bill basically had to snatch her off the teeth.

Speaker 1 25:19

Like, girl, go and go.

Tasha 25:23

And I'm saying that. But please go. It's now it's making me think about people, you know. I've heard people who like were adopted and they're like, they always had this vision of, you know, who their birth parents are. And some of them choose to go find and some of them don't because they don't want to find the person and it it doesn't match up to the image that they've created in their mind. So now, okay, I I I can see now. Yeah. I'll back that I'll back up off my stance a little bit. I'm walking march up there and knocked out right now.

Star 25:56

You came on the way to Memphis, girl. Go knock on the door. Go knock on the door and be like, what's what's what's up? What's the problem? You're known or known.

Speaker 1 26:03

You know me.

Star 26:04

Since you cool.

Steph 26:08

Okay, okay, all right, all right. So what what are we drinking next? All right, the second cocktail in our new BGL cup. Check out the merch. We're doing a sisterhood and shine, which is a moonshine margarita. So we're gonna technically. So y'all gotta love me a margarita. Well, girl, this one is extra spicy. You put a little moonshine, some triple stack, some lime juice, and some simple syrup. So we'll see how it is. These are to-go margarita cups. Yeah, I was gonna say. Cheers.

Speaker 1 26:45

Because first of all, there's tops to these.

Star 26:47

You're promoting drinking.

Steph 26:48

Yeah, I know, but here.

Star 26:49

Not promoting drinking and driving.

Speaker 1 26:51

But when you get your lift, when you get your lift or your Uber.

Tasha 26:55

At a little amphitheater, a little concert, it little to-go margarita cup. Oof, ooh.

Steph 27:01

Oof, that's strong.

Lex 27:03

It has a spice on the end. Well, like in the middle, and then it mellows out immediately.

Tasha 27:09

I like it.

Steph 27:10

Good, Tasha. Enjoy it.

Tasha 27:11

I like margarita though, for real. Like Margarita's my dream, you know I'm a tequila girl, but I this, okay, when the moonshine alone, I I don't know who that's for. But in these two dreams, I this is tasty.

Speaker 1 27:25

I'm not mad at it. I'm not mad at it. Thanks for enjoying.

Steph 27:30

Okay.

Upbringing Versus Choice In Adulthood

Steph 27:31

So the discussion we're gonna have is about the girls. So Bernice and Annie start out with the same loss. Both are motherless, but their lives take different paths. How much of their different outcome comes from the people who raised them versus the choices they made themselves?

Tasha 27:51

See, I feel like those two things go hand in hand. People who raise you end up having a lot of influence, I feel like, on the decisions and how you move life and the choices you make. So definitely, well, they both made, well, Annie's choices was wild. Like, I mean, but she was just so hell-bent on finding her mama. So she just she was really solely focused and she just made some very questionable decisions, even just in the fact of the way she left home. But I think that I said just how you're raised, I feel like it's just all the time gonna shake the decisions and how you move through the world.

Star 28:31

I don't know. And I mean, to some extent, maybe, but I I don't the only reason I will say that I don't agree wholeheartedly for this particular set of individuals is because what's the other girl's name? Bernice. Bernice. So yeah, niece. She was, yes, like her aunt, they they kind of talk about her aunt raising her, but really did her aunt have as much influence over her? I don't feel like when she once she left home and got to school. I don't feel like her aunt was the main influence. Like she referenced her, of course, but I feel like she was more influenced by her what, you know, who became her husband, her mother-in-law. Like that's who she was, you know, she went, she left and went to school, but you know, she had the interaction with the teachers or whatever on the way that got her there and actually got her settled. And then it was really, she was under the wing of that mother-in-law.

Tasha 29:33

But I think that that flows from the fact that her aunt raised her, like the even the way that her aunt raised her was just like she didn't really want to be a mom, but she just stepped in, she's like, Well, this is what I have to do. Like, you gotta do the right thing. And so I feel like Nisi was very much, oh, I gotta do the right thing. Like, hey, okay, so like her aunt made all the sacrifice for her. So, hey, her she followed beneath her mother-in-law, and her mother-in-law was telling her all the right things to do as a wife. And so she was very much guided in that, okay, what's what's the right move? What am I supposed to do? Yes. Because I think that influenced to just showing, because of her aunt was like, very much, well, you know, look, this I ain't trying to be your mama, but I I have to, because your mama died, so here I am, and so I'm doing what I had to do for as long as I have to, then I'm out, and I just feel like that's very much how she was. She was always gonna be, she was gonna be, she's gonna go to school, she was gonna like follow directions, be somebody's wife, you know, do all the things that you are supposed to do.

Steph 30:30

To have a better life, and her aunt lacks certain things, like she didn't get the affection, like there are things that she did lack, but as any parent, there we can't, we do the best that we can to give our kids the world, uh, whatever way we see it. And so for her aunt, she did that. I agree with Tasha. She gave her that foundation of to do right. She she was a good girl. Vernice was just a good girl, is just the short version of it all. I recognize that in her.

Lex 30:59

As a fellow good girl, I recognize that. I also think that Vernice got Vernice got a level of closure that Annie did not. And I also think that that helped her along the way. Like Nisi knew exactly what happened to her mom, she and her and dad. She knew what went on between them. She even right before she left, her mom said, or her aunt said, All right, we about to take these shots, and I'm gonna tell you what's what. So here, take a little whiskey and let's talk, woman to woman. And so, like, and that was kind of like their close out like, now I'm gonna send you on your way, and don't you ever come back to honeysuckle, ever. Ever. Um, and but I don't think Annie did not get that. No, and I think that showed through their journey how much just getting closure in something does matter, and so I think that affected how like how their lives split, but also, I mean, when you're in college too, you learn a lot about yourself. And Annie was kind of just like a child of the world, like she just kind of learned as she lived life and like went through all of these like weird experiences and learned from the world. Whereas Annie, she I mean, she went to Spelman and all girls school, and like they teach you how to be a lady and how to be a girl, but then also, oh, like, am I a little? Do I want to try the little bit of the lesbian pie while I'm here? Like, she had all of these. Yeah, I was about to say, Macy had her little indiscretion. Like, she had all of it. She wasn't, she wasn't that angry.

Steph 32:35

But it was her indiscretion, though. That was the thing. She still kept it her indiscretion.

Lex 32:39

Yes, but it helps people become who they are. Like, she had this level, she had this ability to be able to like truly find herself in a safe space where Annie did not.

Steph 32:51

It was what's the guy, Bobo? What was Bobo? Like, he's done right by me, he's held me, he's listened to me. Okay, let me go ahead and just cuddle up to him real quick. Like, with her, it was it was just so different between the two because she was seeking emotions from people. From Lula Bell, she was seeking a mother. From Bobo, she was seeking affection from a man, like, oh, this is what they do. I can let me show him some affection back. And that's how she got caught up the way that she did when she got her rejection from her mother, and she it led her to lose her confidence and do things that she was she probably wouldn't have normally done.

Tasha 33:32

I would argue she never had confidence.

Steph 33:34

Um, she didn't, but she I think she had confidence in certain areas because of when she went to the bar, when she became a bartender, she told when she went to Memphis and she went to that bar, she became, she ended up doing more, even though she wasn't the yeah, and she wasn't the cutest girl. Like she wasn't the cutest compared to everybody that was surrounded by her. So she felt like she had to do more to offer more because what's her name? Uh Baby Dad. Baby doll. You know, she had the you know, 36, 24, 30, whatever, whatever the size is. And then you have niece, she was a beautiful girl. You know, everybody had something to offer. The way that they described Annie, you would have thought she was SpongeBob in it. But I think she had but that's it. Right. So it was just like, so it was certain things. So for her, she was yearning for things, and she she had confidence in other areas, not per se within herself, as she as she is as a young lady, versus what she could do when she went out to do things when she was at the whole house in Mississippi, then when she went to the bar in Memphis. She always had a level of confidence on trying to get somewhere, get something done, get answers. But then when it came to the true thing, which was her mother, that's where the confidence lacked a little bit, as well as with the men that she encountered. Because Clyde, ooh, he did come out of nowhere.

Lex 35:01

To star's point, I do think that that did catch me off guard. Like there was no development there. Like, oh, who was this man? And why, where are we going? Why?

Speaker 35:11

Right.

unknown 35:11

I think that's a good thing.

Tasha 35:12

Overnight, like we knew we knew them. We knew the girls for sure, like in their way of thinking and like in their mindsets, when it was, it's all centered around that. Look, I think, I think the grandmother said it to Annie, and I think the aunt for sure said it to Nisi about being jealous. Like, because both of them were jealous of the other person about the whole mom situation. Niecy was like, oh, well, you know, your mom, you know, she had a little bit of jealousy of the fact that Annie's mom, even though she wasn't there, she was out there somewhere. There was a possibility of her meeting her. And Annie was a little bit jealous of the fact, well, you know, nobody's around here talking about your mom being trifling, or like it was not like that negative connotation surrounded about it. And like you said, to the point, I think that she was jealous too, the fact that there was closure. Like you knew that your mom didn't purposely leave you. Jealousy, though?

Steph 36:00

I mean, that's that's what they called it. They used, like, I mean, they were each are you envious, jealous, but they're insane. Yeah, I mean, in regards to what the other had. And I don't think Nisi had to be a good one. They both had six shitty sides of the straw.

Tasha 36:15

They did, they did. When they won them a great situation.

Steph 36:19

I mean, you know. But that's how, like I mentioned when we were talking about in stars question, it it like the grandma. The grandma gave you a bed, a roof, food, clothes, and that's all you're gonna get. Where Nisi, you had an upbringing where you have to do right. You're going to church, you're going to school, you're getting the good grades, you wear the dresses, you're not going to be able to do it.

Tasha 36:41

She also wasn't getting hugs, though. Neither one of them wasn't getting enough hugs. Like both of their person taking care of them was not really like very nurturing.

Steph 36:49

Yeah, there was no nurturing part of it. But you know, but no, Annie's was way worse than Nisi's. And so, and that's the product of her environment. Like, and she went on and she was just seeking it. And when you get a little bit of taste, you just want it. Because when she went to Lulabel, she was like, I'll stay here forever. Lulabel is like, if you don't get your please leave, right? Love Don't ever come back. She said, Don't ever come back. Don't ever come back.

Star 37:15

Yeah. I think Lulabel was probably my favorite character. That's all right.

Lex 37:19

I was like, do we love Lula Bell or do we not?

Star 37:22

She was my favorite character.

Lex 37:24

Her mouth was crazy.

Star 37:26

Yeah, like I wasn't saying nothing in the text when the text, because I was like, Yeah, I'm gonna be the opposite probably of everybody. But she was my, I think she was my favorite character in the She was real, real. She was just it like real and straightforward. And she loved that young lady. Like she loved that young lady. And the the reason that she was talking crazy to her in the way that she was was for the very reason that it ended up. Like, don't come back here. There's not because there's nothing for there's nothing good for you here. Not a thing. So if you end up, and I think that's a lot of, you know, a lot of times when you get to a place in life where you are trying to move forward and you are trying to elevate, sometimes you can't go back. Like you can't look back, you can't go get the people. Like you sometimes you can't reach back because there's there's times where there's nothing, there's nothing good back there. So if you go back, you end up caught up in whatever the thing is and the energy, and and that place had some some stuff. Well, it's the same thing.

Tasha 38:30

Like her aunt told her too like don't even never come back to honeysuckle. She was like, when I say honeysuckle, I mean any other little small town. Like, don't end up anywhere trapped in a situation. Like, no, you go out in the world, you find your place, you be great, you build the life that you want to build. Whatever you do, don't find yourself trapped back in any place like this. And I said I think that just means I said just the feeling of being trapped, being stuck, not having options, not um like living a life like by default, not one that you have designed. Right. You know, but with intention. Yes. So I think like that was the um the state of mind. Yeah.

Lex 39:12

I'm glad you brought up Lullabelle, because can we just give her a moment?

Star 39:16

Absolutely.

Lex 39:17

Because I was I was wrestling internally. I ended up being like, yeah, I think I am a Lulabelle Stan a little bit. Um, but I said mouth was wild as hell, wild mouth. But I think she was the most complex character in the book, and that's why I liked her. Yes, like she ran this brothel, but like also she made everyone at the brothel attend church that she preached at. Like she was illiterate, but knew the Bible front to back, and she knew how she wanted you to read it to her and how she wanted to interpret it that day, but also she was like a mother, but then she was like also real real with these women that stayed with her about the realities of the world. I don't know. I just I think she was like ahead of her time in the time period that the book was in, and she was just so it just it just shows you how complex a person can be and how many layers a person can have.

Speaker 40:13

Thanks.

Lex 40:14

I mean, it really doesn't matter a certain people, a certain person's situation because people are complicated, and I that's what I liked about her.

Star 40:22

Yeah, like I don't know. I just I really did like her. She was definitely my favorite character, and I and to that point, I feel like we got the most character development for her. Like the past, the relationship with even her mother. They even touched on, I don't, and I don't know if that was intentional or not. I haven't read enough of, you know, we haven't read enough of this author's work. So I don't know if there were things that she did intentionally to make those connections and make us think, but they even referenced the relationship that her that they had with their mother and some different things, right? So did that play a role in how she interacted with the, you know, with the young ladies that were there in her employee and the way that she was able to communicate with Annie in the way that she was, because of the things that they saw and knew their mother to deal with and go through. So I definitely's my person, Lula Bell for president. Oh, oh, I don't know about her president. No, absolutely. She's she was cool, though. President of President of Mississippi.

Lula Bell And The Places We Outgrow

Tasha 41:28

On that note, let's go ahead and slide into question and drink number three. Now I'm gonna tell you guys, okay, I brought this one, and whatever y'all do, people, y'all watch the thirsty Thursday video so you can see my initial true reaction to the beverage. This, okay, so this is this is called Mama's Blues. It is definitely made, it's with the with the white lightning, but it's also with a blue flame moonshine, so two moonshines, some sprite, and like a cute little lemon wheel. Over some ice and then pouring this cute little cup. So um I'm scared. Cheers. Hey, y'all know I don't be scared. Mm-hmm. Uh-uh, uh-uh. Woo! That's scrome. Uh-uh. That was a scroll. We added a little extra sprite to it. Um I initially made it, it was real real scrolls. We add a little expression.

Star 42:24

Not for nothing. It's not what I was expecting. Like, y'all made it. And maybe the water, this is the diluted version. No, there's no ice. There's no ice. You know what I'm saying? Like, this is the diluted version of what it is.

Tasha 42:38

It's not, it's it's not as bad as the first one I made where it was just liquor on liquor with a splash of sprite. The extra sprite doesn't.

Star 42:47

Yeah, like this is this is the. But let me tell you, moonshine is not for the week, y'all. I'm it's just have you ever been to New Orleans and had those shots that they be serving for like a dollar in the little syringes and stuff? The Everclear. That's what Moonshine is.

Tasha 43:02

That's what Moonshine is.

Star 43:03

Okay.

Steph 43:03

I'm gonna go with Star's Dream. Star is for the winner for me.

Star 43:06

Yeah, I I think that's I think that one's my favorite. Lemonade was good too. Yeah. Margaret was a good one. I mean the margarita was strong.

Steph 43:12

It was very strong.

Star 43:14

I think the lemonade one was the most balanced. I feel like it was the most balanced.

Lex 43:18

Felt like a cocktail. Yeah.

Star 43:19

Okay.

Tasha 43:20

I'm gonna take an L on this one. I'm I'm gonna take an L on this one. No, not an L on the L. If you like a strong, it's not bad. It doesn't just taste strong. It ain't for the week.

Lex 43:28

That part. That's if you you got the mama's blues if you drink any. You need to go to school. We need to not feel for. Because nothing beats that shirt. What did you make? That dirty Shirley.

Speaker 1 43:42

That and that. I'm gonna give y'all spritz. So we and the apple spritz. Baby, we have had worse. Yeah, I agree with that. Love you mean it. Love you mean it. Listen, mama's blues is better than those two. It was. Tell you that. I concur.

Tasha 43:59

What's the question? Let's get my question.

What Mothers Teach Daughters To Carry

Tasha 44:02

Okay. So I know, okay, we we have all talked a lot about our dads on this podcast. We got a lot of daddy girls around here. You know, we we love a good father. But this book, you know, definitely was focusing on the two motherless characters. So let's talk about what about the role of a mom in a young lady's life. Like what what's the role of moms around here?

Speaker 1 44:25

Oh mamas. Oh mama.

Steph 44:27

I mean, listen, I mean, so like with Bernadette, she didn't play. Like where I grew up, it wasn't the best. But you know, they say where you live, like the area you live doesn't mean that's the outcome you're gonna have. It's really your home. And in my home, just because where we lived was the way it was, doesn't mean I was that product, and I sure wasn't. And I thank my parents, I thank my mom for that. Because I'm a lady, and my mom taught me to be a young lady, like to be a lady, to be present, to, you know, I was helping my mom do something the other day, and she had to do a video, and she's like, uh-oh, wait a second, let me go put on my lipstick real quick. Like she's that kind of lady. And you know, where it's like you always have to be presentable. She's 85, y'all. She goes to the doctors. Whenever she goes to the doctors, they be like, You look so cute today. Like, you don't even, if you guys see my mom, you wouldn't even think she's that age. And I love her jeans and I embrace having those jeans. Mothers play a role. I feel fathers play a role as far as, of course, what to look for in a man, if that's you know who you choose to be with, and and look, you know, to find a person, period, whoever that person is. But with a mother, I think it's just more of the emotional effect. You know, once again, how to be a lady, uh, those conversations that you can have. I mean, there's just so many similarities, and hopefully you can have that conversation with her. And my mom has always been open. There are things that she didn't talk, but I think it was the generational thing. There are things that you don't talk about, where now she was just like, I wish I could have done that with you guys growing up because I'm very open with my kids.

Speaker 1 46:04

Very honest.

Steph 46:07

So, you know, because I want you to be at the end of the day, I am I am your advocate. Like, I want you to be able to come to me. I want you to feel safe. I want you to feel supported. And I felt like my mom did that for for my brother and I. Of course, there are always things that you would think hindsight, you would want to change or do better. But, you know, you deal with what you have at that time. But my mother, I great. She's a great woman. She's, you know. What?

Speaker 1 46:38

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Lex 46:42

It's that moonshine baby. Oh, she had a sip. Oh, I'm sorry. I said I hate to ruin your beautiful. No, it's okay.

Steph 46:49

No, burn it at the bomb.com is all that I can say. Is she's just, yeah. I mean, I think they all play a role and it makes a difference. But I do feel like just because you have a mom or grandma, like everybody gives you love in a different way. And, you know, I can't knock Niecy's mom or aunt for doing what she did, and she took one to the chin and came home and took care of her, her.

Tasha 47:13

Everybody has to do what what they the best that they know how to do with what they have. Not I would say this thing, I definitely feel like mothers play like, you know, the biggest part in a daughter's life, right? There, that's the that's the model you're looking at. So whether you want to, oh, this is who I'm gonna be, this is what I'm gonna emulate, or no, I'm not gonna do any of that. A mother, I said that's that's who you look at. That's the first woman that you're like, oh, okay, and showing you things. My mom, for real, my mom, she's that girl for real. Like, um, I I write hard for her all day, every day. Like, don't play by Letha. Like, I I don't have no time for it. Like, and y'all know I love my daddy, but um it do not, I do not play by Letha. Like, because I know she don't play by me. And you know, I mean, and again, that's how she knows how she raised us. Having a daughter myself, I will like, I definitely have like a different respect for my mom. Cause like I do, it is hard when you realize that you are meant to be someone's role model and that they literally are looking at everything you do, you're like, oh shoot. So, you know, even like things that I never really, you know, I thought about, you know, I'm like, oh my gosh, I look so fat in this, whatever. But if anytime, if my daughter, if she ever like, you know, talked about her body, I'm like, no, no, no, you know, no, you have to self-love, you have to love it, you know, and trying to portray that and just simply ignoring the fact that I'm walking around here putting myself down all the time. You know, you become very cognizant of stuff like that, you know. I would say there is one thing though that I did like that I learned from my mom that I also was like, hmm, we're gonna have to fix that. And it was like, you know, we were, I probably was in my 20s. You know, just like, hey, you know, and I asked the mom, like, you know, what was her, it was like her favorite. I was like, what's your favorite, like, what do you really like to do? Like, what's like your favorite hobby? And when I tell you, like, she really liked, like, she, it was nothing that she really liked. Like, I mean, that she couldn't even like really pinpoint. And I think back, because she, everything that she always did, like anytime, you know, we plan something, we do something, it was always focused on other people's joy. Okay, oh, we'll go here, you know, this is where your dad wants to go. This is what this for you guys, for the kids, you know, it's always focused like that. So I'm like, but no, what do you like? What what's your favorite? Whatever you like. Right. And so that right there was a struggle for me because I even now sometimes I'll give, I'm like, no, mom, I want to do something for you. Like, no, we're not going where anybody else is your birthday, we wanna do exactly what you want. And sometimes I still feel like she has a hard time. So like it bothers me. But then I have to like, okay, hey, so for me, I'm like, no, I'm gonna always, everybody gonna know what I like. Like, hey, I'm gonna be like, I'm I'm a bomb ass mom. Hey, I'm I'm here for the kids, everything, but also please understand, Tasha is gonna be Tasha too, you know. But then I also had to stop and think, because you actually it bothered me, but I had to stop and realize, oh, you know what? She actually finds joy in making everyone else happy. And I'm like, oh, okay, well, watch me sit at this bar and drink these drinks then, Mama. We good. Happy birthday to you!

Star 50:11

I cannot. Oh, girl, you you cool? You okay, you like seeing other people happy. Okay, girl, come have another round on me.

Speaker 1 50:21

Watch this. I got it, I can't.

Lex 50:24

I have to watch what I say because my mom listens to every single one of our episodes. Um, which I think like is a sentiment of the type of mom she's uh but I do have to watch myself because I don't want to be disrespectful or say anything I don't mean. But I think she would agree. Me and my mom did not get along when I was young, like younger, me and my mother. No, it was, and now that I'm older, and now also that she's old, because I also have to know I was firstborn, so I it was all of our first time doing everything. And so she was, and she was fairly young when she had me, not like crazy young, but like if I had a baby at that age, I would be like, Okay, I'm still trying to be outside. Like, what are we doing? Um, so she was also like, I think she was just a different person than she is now, like two girls later, because I have all sisters. So we just butt heads real bad. And it's just because we're so different. And I think we just didn't understand each other. And also at that time, I don't think there was a lot of emphasis on like understanding your child. It's whatever you whatever I say you're gonna do, you're gonna do. So if I tell you to stop crying, stop fucking crying, or like if I tell you to sit down and be quiet, sit down and be quiet. Lexi, I don't want to know how you feel. I just do what I said. But for me, out the womb, I was a very touchy feely in tune with my emotions. I feel, I don't know, I don't like that. Can we talk about this before we and my mom was not, she's a straight shooter, like she does not know. She don't have time for all the oh, that's me and Maya. So, you know, so growing up, that was tough. Like that we you could tell we bumped heads a lot. But I will say now that I'm older, and both of me and my mom are in the same sorority, and she actually she brought me into the sorority, like she was a key part of me joining the sorority. So we learned a lot about each other during that time, and also I think at that time in her life, she was more open to like that sort of relationship, or just like just open to different things. And so now though, me and my mom are very, very That's what I was saying.

Tasha 52:50

I was shocked when you said we are like bestie. No, we are very always doing stuff together and like talking.

Lex 52:57

Like you said, that's what when you said that I was like, Yes, but no, a growing, mm-mm, mm-mm. We've yeah, no, it was not no, we did not get along. But now and you see that you're here now. But now, like I think I not I think I always have respected her, but I respect her more now just because I've been able to see the changes that she's made to like be better for my sisters, but also like I'm starting to see herself in me now. So now I'm like, oh, I get I get where you're coming from. I'm also a little short-tempered sometimes, and I like things how I like things, and don't ask me no damn questions because I told you what I wanted. And so, like, I see that I see myself in her now. Um, but yeah, my mom will tell you we are we are best friends now. Like, we've made it to that phase of our relationship, but also we're I'm grown, she's grown, like we're we're able to converse in a different way than you are when you're a child. So, yeah, that's my roll dog now. Like I I love my mom and I love when she comes to visit, and we always make great memories together and we have a good time. She was awesome during my wedding, could not have done it without her. So I am very excited for like more of the chapters we're about to go through together, just knowing that we have a really, really good and positive relationship.

Star 54:17

That's out.

Tasha 54:18

Has anybody else done that before? Like, you like make like a little gesture, you'd be like, oh like it's like it reminds you of something like that. It was like you you you like turn in the mirror, we're weird like, oh bridge and buy you.

Star 54:33

Me and my mom are thousands of miles away. Like, I'll be like, Oh, girl, I got this outfit. And she'll be like, I'll send her a picture, she'll be like, I got that same outfit. I know you fucking love. Like, what? Like, I'm dead ass. Like, that's my like I'm her child, 100%. Like, that is my mom, 100%. But I think to everything that you guys have said, like, mom, the relationship, especially for daughters, it is, I think, twofold. The same way I feel about, you know, the the relationship that a daughter has with her father. The relationship that you have with your mother, it shows you how you're supposed to interact with not only men, but other women, I think, as well. Right? Because there's that side of it too. So you have, unfortunately, you have some females that don't have good relationships with their mothers, right? Like there's this weird ass competitive thing that is happening where they're like competing with their daughter for the attention of, you know, whatever male figures or men or whatever. And that, and that is how these young ladies, though, they grow up that way, right? And these are these are the women that, oh, I don't have a lot of female friends, or I don't have a lot of girlfriends. Like, oh, okay, so you and your mama got some bullshit going on. It's basically what she's saying. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 55:50

Like, it is.

Star 55:51

And that's what it that's what it ends up being. So, but Tatasha's point. I do not play about Linda Faye. I do not play about her. More so than I don't play about my son. Like, he can get it behind my mama. Like, I don't play about her. Because to your point, she don't play about me. And I know that, like, even at this stage. But the other thing is she set the bar very high.

Tasha 56:20

Oh my god.

Star 56:21

She has set the bar so high for the type of mother that and grandmother. Listen, no, it'd be a thing. I draw the line at mother, and I have told her, I've told my son, like, let me explain something to you. I'm not finna be the type of nana that you have. So move carefully and with discretion. Because I'm I'ma be like the internet nana. Like, take some pictures. Oh, I bought my baby a little something, bring him over to get it. We're gonna take a couple pictures for the internet and then go home. Love you, Nana, love you. Bye.

Speaker 1 57:01

Yeah.

Star 57:01

Like my mom was so locked in when I had my son that after I had him, I decided to go back to school. She would get up. My mom always commuted to work when I was growing up. She would get up, she would commute to work, she would come home from work, come to my condo, fix Chris dinner, get him ready for bed, then go home and get ready for her next day. Like, that's what she did when he was two. Because I decided I wanted to go back to school.

Tasha 57:39

That feels like a lot of people. A lot. My mom won't do that too.

Star 57:44

She's gonna make it work. A lot.

Tasha 57:45

My mom would do that too.

Star 57:46

I feel like I'm not too. And I don't know. But here's the thing.

Tasha 57:50

That's tricky. What you gonna do? Like, how you gonna figure that out?

Star 57:53

And here's the thing where I feel blessed and grateful that I'm a boy mom and not a girl mom. Because I feel like the expectation will not be the same for me. And I thank God for that. I think he knew exactly what he was doing and who I was. And that's why it's that's why I have the child that I have, because God knew who he made me to be. But moms are super important. They are and for the young ladies who don't have good relationships with their moms. Like, I wish that I could be the big sister. Like, I wish I could be a big sister. I don't have any siblings, but I do have a lot of younger cousins, and I try very hard and intentionally to be a good figure and a good role model for them. And not to say that they need one, but it's important to me, the relationships that I have with them and the way that they look at that's my big cousin. Like I want them to be proud of me being their big cousin. And I think that stems from the mothering and the relationship that I have with my mom and the woman that I want to be, the friend that I want to be, the all the things. And I think that all comes from watching her be the woman and the mom that she is, for sure.

Tasha 59:08

And I think like that's why Nisi was so set on like following the guidelines that her mother-in-law said. She's like, okay, oh, this, this is what I'm supposed to be. This is what a wife and mom, this, because again, like, you know, her aunt, she raised her, but she didn't really show her mom and wife roles. You know what I mean? So when her mother-in-law stepped in and was like, Okay, I'm gonna show you. She was, she was all locked in on, okay, yes, guide me, show me, I've let me, I'm locked in that. And which is why Annie could not let go of the hope and dream of a mother, what she envisioned. Yeah, and that's and I said I think we all, all of us clearly can agree that hey, mom, moms are moms is where it's at. Like, hey, they're very important.

Steph 59:54

But yeah, Annie's moms is very heartbroken. It broke my heart what happened with Annie. Like, it really broke my heart with her because of everything.

Tasha 1:00:02

You know, I feel bad, like people, like I said, with people who don't have like a because I do, I know I have people who don't have like relationships with their mom. I'd be so confused, because again, I just know what what a mom is like I said, when you when you define mom, I have a certain image in my mind. So when people, when they like talk bad about their mom or they don't have a relationship, I'd be so confused, like, but that's your mama.

Star 1:00:22

Yeah, like I can't even fathom. Yeah, like I can't even connect those dots.

Lex 1:00:26

Me neither. Because even when you're just like in high moments of your life, I don't know about y'all, but for me, the first person I want is my mom. Like my low, medium, like like the first person. If something is pissing me off, I need to talk to my mom really quick. During all the wedding, the day of my wedding, the night before I'm wedding, I was like, I need my fucking mom. Like, where is she at? I need her right now. Um, just like like so. I couldn't, I do feel bad too. Because there are just so many pinnacle parts of just girlhood, womanhood, where you just you can't even put it to words, you just need your mom.

Star 1:01:01

And just even adulthood, not even specific to being a woman and the things. I got something in the mail the other day, baby. I have read it. I was on the phone with my mama, like, girl, what this means. Uh-huh. Did they find me or are they coming? What what do this mean? She was like, well, well, what do it say? I said, well, hold on. Let me read it. And I said, Oh, oh, girl, I know what this is. I just needed to listen. My bad. Everybody calm down. No need for alarm. I thought this was something else. So, but yeah, it's it's yeah, it's that. It's like that for sure.

Tasha 1:01:35

And I will say, you know, because Lex was talking about, you know, how she was, she's more like touchy philly than her mom. It reminds me of a Maya, because Maya, she's super touchy-filly. And you know, I'm not really, I'm not really a hugger. And so we have this thing. I'm like, all right, girl, you you got about two seconds. I'd be like, oh, she be wanting to hug. Like, I'm like, girl, when the hug gonna end? Like, so sometimes I do. I'll try to like, I'll try to stay, I'll try to stay in the hug for I'll try to like outlast her and not be the first one to pull away all the time. But she be wanting to hug last for a very long time. So I need to be more aware.

Steph 1:02:08

She's a December baby, right?

Tasha 1:02:09

Alvin is a Sagittarius. Is he affectionate? I'm the cactus around there. Like, hey, I'm a little prickly. Like, don't girl. It's a lot. Like, why?

Steph 1:02:19

When is the hug gonna end? It doesn't overtake. It doesn't as a Sagittarius, because here's the thing Tasha's husband is a Sagittarius like me, and my husband is a tourist like Tasha. And I'd be looking for the similarities. I'd be up on Jeff Hug. I'm a touchy everybody.

Tasha 1:02:35

But everyone, how you got a good touch?

Star 1:02:38

I want you to feel it. You need to break it. I am a good hugger. I have been told that I'm a good hugger. Like, I'm I have the kind of hugs that, and it, you know, my discernment be discerning. So I think that I can tell when people need a good hug. I have the kind of hugs that will make people cry. I've been so I've been.

Tasha 1:02:58

But when is gonna end though? Like, how long we finna be in here?

Star 1:03:00

Like when it ends. Do your sons like to be hugged? It goes until it's done. Uh-uh. And so I don't know.

Lex 1:03:07

Cause my mom also, she she, like I said, she doesn't like she'll now she's softened up because again, she's gone through two other girls. And my sister's whatever, girl.

Steph 1:03:15

Just give me all the time.

Lex 1:03:16

Simone is very like, she's always been like she wants to like hold your pinky type thing. And Alicia will like she likes to do footies, putsies under the table. And so my mom's like, okay, I'll just take it. But me, I'm like, uh, I'm like an emoter. So like I'm like, can we talk about this? What's going on? And my mom's like, I need you to make a decision. That's how funny. Why are we doing so? It's like a mo, it's a very an emotional thing. I was never really all up on her ever. It was just, can we, can we talk?

Tasha 1:03:49

Can we talk? Well, I have hey, what how many more words do you have? Like, this it's a lot of words.

Star 1:03:56

I'm having a lot of words.

Tasha 1:03:56

When when the words gonna end? Like you are you still talking? Like, oh Lord.

Star 1:04:01

I hug my son. I hug my son a lot. I hug him a lot so that I just feel, generally speaking, like that black men need to be loved on more. So I I do hug him a lot. You know, I I just feel like, yeah, sorry. I'm not, yeah, I'm not gonna get all deep into it because we're talking about the moments.

Tasha 1:04:22

How do you find how do you find a way to sneak it into every episode of the book?

Speaker 1 1:04:26

This one was all sisterhood. All sisterhood. Feel about black men.

Star 1:04:30

So I hugher in this book. As a mother, because we're talking about moms. As a mother, I hug my son often because I love black men. Well, maybe you should have given some of the men in this book a hug. Because they were all shit.

Speaker 1 1:04:45

No, Clyde didn't need any more hugs.

Star 1:04:46

No, Bobo was cool. Like Bobo was cool. He was cool until he wasn't. Until he wasn't, but was it his fault? Like, he gave his warning shot and he was like, hey, I think it's enough. I think he was. Clyde was a mess. Clyde was a hot mess. Like, girl, you coming? Nigga, what?

Steph 1:05:11

Right.

Star 1:05:12

Okay, okay.

Speaker 1 1:05:13

Anyway, man.

Steph 1:05:15

Okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 1 1:05:20

Listen, so um, hold on. Let me

Moonshine Reality Check And Final Sip

Speaker 1 1:05:23

know.

Tasha 1:05:23

Did you I'm just trying to include a little warning about moonshine? Like, for real, I I'm not saying that we don't love it. I'm just saying it's not for the week.

Steph 1:05:30

So if you get the flavor moonshines, I think it's better because there's like a butter pecan or a buttercream. There's one of them, you put it in your like coffee or something like that just to give it a little taste. So those are better, but like just straight up, just yeah. That one, I mean, if you make a drink like the lemonade one, great. The margarita, cool. This one's super strong. It is I'd probably put more sprite.

Lex 1:05:54

Smoky's actually sells a margarita like moonshine. Like, like Steph said, their flavors. If you've been to the Smoky's distillery, definitely go do the moonshine tasting.

Speaker 1 1:06:06

It's a good time, and they have some good stuff. They do. Listen, I moonshines. You know, I don't be nervous.

Star 1:06:12

Okay. So we're not going to be able to do this makes me nervous. So it yeah, I'm con I have some, I have a couple of concerns. But anyway. Before we close, you know the vibe. We always save space for something to sit with, sip on, or carry into your week. A lit challenge to move you, a top or thought to ground you, or a memorable quote from the book that lingers like a good sip. The top of thought this time is just, I think, again, to be mindful of the things that you are chasing and seeking in life. If there's a bunch of signs and roadblocks and hurdles and all the things, maybe take some time to take a step back from the situation and assess is there something greater at work? Is there something that is trying to steer you or push you in the other direction? Because I just think, I think to everybody's point, the end, where where we ended was like, damn. Yeah. You know what I mean? It was one of those. So definitely get into the book. It was, it was good. It just didn't give me all that I needed for the individual characters. But it's definitely a good read. It's a good story. It's a good story for sure.

Share The Show And Next Month’s Read

Star 1:07:25

That's it for this episode of Black Girls Live Podcast, where fine women, fine literature, and fine librations always meet to the words that found you, the poor that held you, and the version of you that showed up to listen. Remember to share us on all of your favorite social media platforms. All of them. We're on. Every single one. All of them. All of them. All of them. Um, next, next month, we're doing Before the Street Lights Come On. Yeah. By Ashley Antoinette. Yeah. And I think this is our first book of hers, yes? Yes. She has a she has a pretty thick catalog as well, but this is our first book. It'd be the holiday system. The Lil' Holiday, Low Holiday cheer. So we'll see. Hopefully Tasha likes this one this year. Until then. The book. Until then, read boldly and step slowly.